therapist

Join the Conversation on
therapist
2.7K people
0 stories
372 posts
Note: The hashtags you follow are publicly viewable on your profile; you can change this at any time.
  • Explore Our Newsletters
  • What's New in therapist
    All
    Stories
    Posts
    Videos
    Latest
    Trending
    Post

    Seeking reassurance from your therapist

    As a child, I was left alone to deal with my problems. I became hyper independent. That’s where the bad coping skills came from. I was 7 years old when I first cut myself. I still to this day have no clue how in the world a 7 year old tells themselves I will cut myself to feel better. Until in the last years that I realized I needed someone to talk to about my experiences, share my feelings with (my stupid feelings and emotions that I never fucking understand or know what they are) and to help me organize my emotions and their meanings. That is why I initially seeked a therapist. I wanted to understand better why I keep on having my suicidal thoughts and get help managing them so they are less invading. I only recently realized that we (my therapist and I) have created a safe place together for my thoughts, but now it is like I am doubting it again because of last session. What I somewhat understood is that: reassurance seeking leads to over explaining, over apologizing, what if and doubts which come from shame/abandonment issues.

    After reading a little online, I can conclude that excessive reassurance seeking is addictive. Like any addiction, the more you do it, the more you want it. It’s an immediate relief like self harm. It is quick and relieves the anxiety that is rumbling through your head. Like self-harming, the relief does not last, and you seek it more and more. The problem with reassurance is that, in the short term, it decreases your anxiety. However, in the long term, it creates a vicious cycle that worsens your anxiety and increases your need for more reassurance. It also decreases your confidence in your ability to answer your own questions and reinforces that you are unable to tolerate the discomfort of uncertainty. How do we fix it? “By exposure and response prevention. This involves repeatedly facing the fear and choosing not to seek reassurance (i.e. not to check, measure, ask, review, and do). Exposure can be paced to slowly and purposely help the person reduce the reassurance seeking. Anxiety levels will eventually fall and the individual learns that reassurance-seeking is not needed to reduce anxiety, the feared outcome does not occur and that they have power over their thoughts and actions.” It all seems very straightforward and easy to do when you read it but emotions and feelings are mixed with all this and that is where it gets complicated. I understand I need to learn how to tolerate uncertainty. Uncertainty is not danger, its distress, it’s a feeling, and it’s not an indication of real danger in the world. I need to change how I respond to it so I no longer seek reassurance, but how do I do that when I lived in a world where no one was safe, every time I trusted someone, it literally backfired. I was either criticized, laughed at, or misunderstood. And even as I grew older, I tried trusting more, forgiving more, being more tolerant with people and they still proved my anxieties were right. My gut feelings are rarely false now. I know how to read people so I do not get hurt, so I know what to expect. The only person I have trouble reading is my therapist and it is quite anxiety provoking. I don’t know why and it’s a piss off.

    Since the beginning my therapist has been telling me to trust people more, be more vulnerable with them. Part of seeking validation and reassurance is also asking for help and being courageous enough to ask for help when needed. Don't all humans do that? Why is it bad? The message that I retained from last session with my therapist is that asking for reassurance is bad and that I shouldn’t do it ever, especially with her and yet I started trusting her and being vulnerable with her. How do they expect me to be vulnerable and honest with them if sometimes involuntarily I have questions and want some reassurance? No one can be self-sufficient, even her. It’s literally impossible. Talking about my fears and insecurities is very hard for me and she knows that, but how am I supposed to do that without relying on her a little or expecting a little reassurance. It is a blessing to find people with whom we feel safe to share our vulnerability when we feel anxious or insecure. Sharing our thoughts, including our need for reassurance, builds trust and connection. How am I supposed to do one without the other? How am I supposed to be honest about my thoughts, my feelings and questions I wonder? Yes, I worry about other people’s feelings, including my therapists. I can’t help it. I do think I am a burden to everyone around me, including her even without any concrete evidence. It is a feeling so ingrained in me that I can’t shake it off because maybe I’ve been told most of my life to shut up because I talk too much and talk too loud. I know she is a human too. I know how difficult it is to remain neutral all the time, to not show your opinion. Unloading onto someone is hard for me because the only thing I’m telling myself is don’t complain too much, don’t unload too much because they will leave. Don’t talk too much or take too much space or else they will stop this. I wish I could press a button and press stop but it goes so fast. I’m starting to realize that a lot of questions and things I ask to my therapsit are a reflection of my opinion about myself as well. I have zero self-compassion, zero self-confidence and zero knowledge on knowing how to reassure myself. I look bad right now, but being honest is so much more important to me. The only way to trust people is with honesty, especially if I want to trust myself one day. #Therapy #Therapist #Anxiety #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #reassurance #Selfblame #Selfharm #SuicidalThoughts #Trust #vulnerability

    Post

    Hanging On the Edge: One Man's Perspective on Rock Climbing & the Therapeutic Relationship

    Rock climbing saved my life. When I am on the side of that mountain, I feel more grounded, more alive, and more connected to the Universe. For me, it’s a holy place. This is my church. In my 32 short years on this planet, I have found climbing to be a beautiful metaphor for overcoming the difficulties life throws our way, sometimes.

    In the rock climbing community as in everyday life, we refer to the obstacles we’re working through as “problems”. Although I am tired, hurting, and feel I can’t go on...I don’t give up. I continue pushing through the pain, doubt, and exhaustion until I finally reach the summit. At which point, I can reflect back on all the problems I overcame, the path I took, and what technique I used to get through it. Then, I can feel an overwhelming sense of pride and accomplishment for all my hard work. The next time I encounter a similar problem, I'll know what to do to get past it.

    No one pushed or pulled me up the mountain. All that hard work was mine. The person on the ground belaying me is merely there to provide me with safety, support, and ensure I do not fall, should I stumble. Everything else is up to me. The more I work through my problems, with my friend supporting me on the ground, the stronger I become.

    You see, therapy is a lot like rock climbing. In this allegory or metaphor, you (the climber) are the patient, the mountain is your crisis, the "problems" are all the obstacles that stand between you and overcoming the crisis such as the loss of a job or the death of a loved one or an illness, the summit is mental wellness, and the person belaying you is the therapist.

    While your therapist doesn't tell you how to feel, what to think, or what conclusions to come to, they are there as a constant support to figuratively catch you should you have any setbacks during your journey. They keep you safe and secure by "holding the rope" so that you do not plummet, and so you can resume where you left off whenever you are ready.

    You can absolutely achieve wellness on your own, or "free climb", but the trek will be significantly more difficult, and there will be no one "on the ground" to spot an easier path or remind you of different techniques you can implement to overcome those problem areas. So even though you are the one doing all the work, your therapist is an integral part of your team, who spots the problem areas ahead of time and assists in identifying the various tools you can use to get past them. In essence, they help you work through the problems in this way, without actually pulling or pushing you up the side of the "mountain". This is how you gain the strength and coping tools needed to persevere toward this summit and all future summits. Thus, rock climbing has taught me that when you replace "I" with "we", mental illness truly does become mental wellness❤

    #MentalHealth #CollegeMentalHealth #wellness #CollegeSports #Sports #Therapist #Psychiatrist #ChronicIllnessStigma #EndTheStigma #MentalHealthStigma #BipolarDisorder #Agoraphobia #BrainInjury #Medication #Inspiration #Depression #Addiction #MentalHealthHero

    Post

    How To Declutter And Improve Your Mental Health

    So excited for you to hear today's podcast episode! I spoke with Krista Lockwood about how she accidentally stumbled into decluttering and how it changed her life and improved her mental health and emotional well-being. This episode inspired me so much that after speaking with Krista, I ran around my house gathering things into garbage bags and piles. My home feels better already!

    If the clutter in your home is stressing you out or causing you to feel overwhelmed or anxious then listen to today's episode because Krista gives tons of great tips on how to declutter and how to move past certain mindset blocks.

    accordingtodes.com/97-2

    #Clutter #deClutter #mentalhealthtips #MentalHealthAwareness #mentalhealthblog #mentalhealthpodcast #Therapist #clutterfree

    Post
    See full photo

    Mental & Physical Health

    Feeling down? Put on your shoes and go for a walk. Did I hear you moan and say "not now"? That's okay - it's always your choice. I know how walking helps your biology stay balanced! Physical and mental health is linked in complex ways yet expressed in surprisingly simple strategies. So when you're mulling it over, take a peek at your shoes - they want to be outside!

    #beingtherapy #MentalHealth #Therapist #Toronto #selfcare #counselling #Healing #Walking #clearyourhead #Fitness #Fitness #PhysicalTherapy #physicalhealth

    Post

    I need help.

    Hello, everyone. I hope you all are doing good.
    This is a long post but please read it if you can.
    I've been inactive here for more than a year now. Due to my mental illness, I was not able to keep up with things. Personally, and Socially. I need some advice and if anyone could help, that woul be great.
    I have completed my graduation and I'm about to complete B.Ed (Bachelor of Education), this is a degree that you need to have in order to go into the academic field. I want to become a professor. On fourth of July I'll complete my B.Ed and then I'll be eligible to teach in school upto class 8th as I have done only undergraduation and not postgraduation. After completing undergraduation and B.Ed, one is eligible to teach in schools upto class 8th in India, and if you have completed your postgraduation, then you're eligible to teach upto class 12th.
    But the thing is I want to be a college teacher (a professor) and for that I have to do M.A. (postgraduation) and then clear NET (National Eligibility Test) and after that I'll be eligible to teach in colleges. But I have to give an entrance exam to study M.A. and I was not able to prepare for it at all due to my increasing mental health issues. And now I've my entrance exam some time in August, most probably. And I can't prepare all of it in such a short duration of time. If I'm not able to clear the entrance exam this time, I want to take a drop year and study for the entrance and then give it again. But my parents are not supporting this decision. They are saying that if I clear my entrance exam this time, then I can study from Delhi. Otherwise, I can study from Raipur, Chhattisgarh. I've done my undergraduation from University of Delhi, and now I want to do my postgraduation from JNU (Jawaharlal Nehru University). Both these universities are the top most universities of India and after having the experience of University of Delhi, I want to get an experience of JNU. I've set my level according to that. And studying from Raipur, Chhattisgarh (where I live currently) is not appealing to me at all. The level of education over here is not as good as Delhi not is the environment.
    But my parents want me to get a job as well and their suggestion is that I apply for a job at a school and then do my M.A. simultaneously. But I don't want this. I want to do my M.A. properly, clear NET and then become a professor. My school teachers are also suggesting me to apply for a job at a school.
    All this is very confusing. My aim was fixed but due to all this I'm having multiple doubts. This is increasing my mental health issues a lot. I have depression and anxiety disorder and my self-esteem is becoming low day by day. It's getting worse with time and with so much pressure and confusion. If anyone of you can suggest as to what I should do, then please suggest, it would be of great help.
    Please tell me from the options below:
    1.) I should take a drop year if I don't clear my entrance exam this time. And then give it again next year. (The entrance exam is for University of Delhi and JNU (Jawaharlal Nehru University)
    2.) I should apply for a job at a school and then do my M.A. from Raipur, Chhattisgarh.
    3.) I should do my M.A. from Raipur, Chhattisgarh. Then clear NET and then apply for a job at a college.
    Or any other suggestion that you want to give apart from the ones mentioned above.
    Please help me.

    #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #ClinicalDepression #Addiction #GettingHelp #MentalHealthAwareness #Selfharm #InsideTheMighty #ChronicDepression #ChronicAnxiety #ChronicIllness #CognitiveBehaviorTherapy #Therapy #Therapist #Psychiatrist #PTSD #Suicide #Depression #SuicidalThoughts