itwillgetbetter

Today is a #highpaindays type of day.
The “regular” chronic pain, anxiety & depression are there. But the pain from the badly/complexly torn hip labrum and herniated lower disks is truly immense.
#Nomorespoons do I have for anyone or anything... Can’t even use my “espresso spoon” to play #TheSims4 !! Sigh.
Even the shirt I got for Christmas “Soon to Be Mrs.” in its vibrant colour isn’t enough to make me feel better.
So to all of you out there feeling like this: I am with you and #itwillgetbetter

Just when you think your over him. The feelings just keep rushing back (like waves 🌊). I honestly know that I am better off without him. I would just give anything to have him back. Maybe, just maybe I was addicted to him. I mean with my obsessive calling and messaging him I can understand why. I don’t think I was asking a lot of him. I never wanted any material object from him. All I wanted was to feel loved and for him to spend some time with me. But, when he started seeing me once a week I kind of knew that something was up, like deep down I knew what was coming. It just sucks to have someone in the beginning want to spend the time and to do fun things with you. Like going to the movies for example. I had asked twice if we could go to the movies, and he just blew it off. It hasn’t even been a full month yet since he broke up with me and I’m clearly not over him yet. I’ve gone a couple days fine with it all, but it just came crashing back today. I know I need to give myself time to heal and to grieve. But it’s just so damn hard. I’m not myself anymore. In fact, I’ve barely left the house and I sadly can’t remember the last time I showered or have changed my clothes I just really want to be happy again. I constantly hate what I’m feeling. I just want someone who stays with me even after they see all of my flaws. I guess I’m time things will be okay. I have a wonderful support system who makes me believe that I do deserve better and as I’m slowly learning is that I really do. One of my best friend who’s a healthy support system, when I told her that I was still missing him and how I wanted him back. She replied back with “So you can be treated like you’re a bother? Or his child. Girl you deserve someone who wants to hangout with you, talk to you, loves you, cares for you and so on. You don’t deserve a boy who’s giving you 10% of himself. You deserve someone willing to give you 💯% to you for you guys.” That just really puts things into perspective for me. #Depression #Breakups #itwillgetbetter #deservebetter #iwontletitwin

I've struggled with #Depression my whole life and I remember the first time I wanted to die I w as only in grade 6. I was so young but I had been , beaten, and never knew love, even from my own family. Then in high school I tried, I overdosed, on two separate occasions. Then again in university, I had my stomach pumped again full of drugs.
The other day when I was in the hospital they asked, "are you suicidal?" and I said, "I dont want to do it but I know that I cant keep living this way. I need help."
And now seeing this post, as silly as it seems, it made me understand what I was saying. I've spent years in pain, looking for ways out through drinking, sex, drugs, whatever felt good at the time. And now I dont want to just feel good for a moment. I want to experience peace. I want to feel happy and wake up with purpose. I want to get better. I want to seek help and stick to appointments and stick to the goals I set for myself. Even if its it's a little lonely at first that's okay. Theres a reason I have no friends or boyfriend because I need to take care of me and love me first.
#Suicide #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #itwillgetbetter

As long as I keep doing the next right thing, it will get bettee

For quite sometime, Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, and Depression somehow controlled a big part of my life. Few months ago, I made a very big decision that changed my life Forever. I took a break. I rested. I sacrificed so much in the hopes of finding myself. In the hopes of finding happiness again.

Some days I feel like I failed in life big time. But looking back, I realize that I would do the same thing over and over. I would always choose myself and what’s best for me over any role, over any position, or any amount I’d see on my paycheck. Choosing to love yourself and to take care of yourself is Self-Love. Having Self-Love is NEVER selfish.

TODAY, I CONQUERED MYSELF. I won a battle I thought I was going to give up on... again. I did not let sadness and fear take its toll on me... again. Some days are bad, but most days are good. Some days are dark, but most days are beautiful. Some days are hard, but my God is always by my side guiding my every step. Lord, Thank you! 🙏🏻💕 For making me feel how much you love me by surrounding me with people who lifts me up and nurtures me. For surrounding me with people who celebrates my success no matter how small it is. For surrounding me with people who truly loves me. I am constantly fighting this battle, but with you, Lord, I’m winning! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

#Blessed
#itwillgetbetter
#ICanDoAllThingsThroughChristWhoGivesMeStrength
#BipolarDisorder #Depression #Anxiety