So I'm currently signed off work for 2 weeks with depression after struggling for months and having a bit of a mental breakdown at work where I just couldn't stop crying. Usually I'm good at confining that to my home, but it just got too much and my thoughts got so so dark.
I'm currently weaning myself off of one antidepressant (as I'm at the highest dose) to then start on a new one when I go back to the GP a week tomorrow. I also got given beta blockers to take during the transition to make it a bit smoother.
This has been my longest spell of depression. Usually, it lasts a few weeks and I can help myself and know what I need to do e.g. Some me time, visit family and friends, see the GP if needed. But this time, it's been almost 5 months and the darkness is becoming stronger. Nothing seems to be shaking this. This is my second spell of being signed off work since the beginning of the year. I'm on a waiting list to see a psychologist but the waiting list is 6 months long. So right now I feel like I'm in limbo. Just waiting. Trying not to succumb to the weight of the dark thoughts and sadness.
The good news is, I live with my boyfriend who is amazing and very understanding and supportive. It's just a shame that when you feel this low you feel so alone no matter who is around you.
Not wanting to live but not wanting to die is the worst place to be. You feel trapped and alone.
BUT I will get passed this. It feel impossible just now and the thought of going through this for the rest of my life is soul destroying. BUT it will get better. It has to. I want to get married to my loving boyfriend. I want to have kids. I want to see my sister do well in life. I want to see my best friend continue to be so happy and in love with her man. It will get better.
#CheckInWithMe #itwillgetbetter #Depression #Anxiety