Waking up to another glimpse of #onalityDisorder #Anxiety #Depression , squinting at the crack in the curtains, and seeing sunlight, my guilt is doubled.

I should go outside!

I cannot get out of bed. My dr says it’s learned behaviour and I must change it. But you see, dear Dr. It is these precise #learned behaviours that kept me safe and #alive in the #violent storm that shaped my #painful #Terrifying childhood.

It feels #Deathdefying to imagine losing my #Behaviours . After all they kept me alive! I owe them #Gratitude , and I’m not leaving them anytime soon. It’s feels akin to throwing half of myself away.

But, now I feel they’re #Killing me.