Parenting and being a Boyfriend with having BPD
It’s been really frustrating for me both my kids are between the ages of 6 months and almost 2.And I’m having a hard time trying to stay patient and calm. I was recently working two jobs and working 7 days a week ranging from 8 hours a day to 16 hours a day and hardly being with them. I just recently quit my one job because I felt I wasn’t being enough involved with my kids let alone with my partner and when I was away I was always in my head feeling like I was gonna be replaced due to my partner not responding as much as I wanted her too which then lead to lots of arguments due to my insecurities and assumptions . I also am the only one providing so I have alot on my plate. Every day is a constant battle to keep my spirits high when feeling im not appreciated. It’s effected everything from work eithic to questioning my parent skills and who I am as myself . . I use to be a huge social person but now I’m like isolating myself.
I feel I’ve isolated myself because when I first got with my women I was using methamphetamines. She did help me get off it but later down the road I relapse and brought it into are relationship. I was messaging her friends ,family pretending to be her to act like she was doing me dirty.I also got on dating sites and messaged people due to my insecurities of being hurt and assuming she was doing it to me. I later did out patient rehab but later quit that because it was taking up most of my time with them. And I needed to provide because it’s been all up to me since the relationship started and when the kids came just more responsibility was put on my plate.Which in reality was a poor choice but I can say I’m almost a year clean. But Since being diagnosed with BPD I’m still trying to learn to cope but also trying to educate myself. And this is the only social media I have.