onalityDisorder

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    Why I stopped listening to music #ithMe #Suicid #onalityDisorder #anxiety #dep #sion ##Chro

    Before I got clean and sober 2 years ago I never liked to listen to music. Music was the enemy for me. It was painful how it brought back painful memories. so imagine… switching the channel immediately out of fear, fear because every time I heard a song while I was using it brought me back to a time that I did something stupid to me. It brought back a memory of a time I embarrassed myself or hurt the people I love or abandoned people I love, like my daughter. I just stopped listening out of what feelings it brought up.. guilt, shame, pain and bad memories. However, when I got clean, things changed with music and it became part of my recovery. No more did it cause pain. In fact, it became essential for physical pain control and simply smiling, laughing and having fun. I even did an experiment to see if soft rock could get me through a root canal and it did! Music is everything to me now. It is always on. I am always dancing, signing off key and loving it. No longer do I feel emotional pain, shame or guilt. I don’t allow it to take me back to a painful memory, I only allow it to form a new memory. It is an amazing tool to heal a creature throughout and I could not live without it.
    .#SuicidalThoughts #ChronicDepression #ChronicIlless

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    Can't sleep overthinking #couldbetrigger #onalityDisorder #ptsd #Bipola #triggrtwarning

    Maybe I really am crazy. Everytime I feel like I'm loving with everything I've got I'm always left alone feeling sorry. Why do I have to be this way? Why do I push everyone away? Will I ever be good enough for someone to stay? Because I'm really tired of living life this way. I want to be happy for more than a day. I'm starting to understand why some chose death instead of waiting for fate, cause who the fuck wants to be sorry every day? I try so hard to replay my life. I promise you it's not a pretty tape.... And some memories I wish I could erase!!! But somewhere I've mixed love with hate, and I've been living life this way... Causing nothing but pain. I could sit here and throw around who's to blame.!! Because, honestly life is easier that way! But I'd rather die than continue this way. So here I am begging you to help me change. Show me the difference between love and hate because my whole life the two have been the same.....

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    I was in a accident with my bf 2 weeks ago tmrw. We hit a cow. I chipped 2 vertebrae in my neck so I have to wear a neck brace for 4-6 weeks now since its been 2. My bf didn't get hurt an I could've been alot worse so for that we are both very grateful. The first week I was ok with doing nothing but this last week I've relapsed.😩 I was with my bf Friday the first time since the accident an I had 2 anxiety attacks. I felt very overwhelmed an I still do. We're going after the cow owner but we have been waiting for the officer to call back for like ever and bills have already started coming in. My bf said if he can't respect my family then we won't work an I started crying. Its the cow owners insurance, my bf's insurance, my auto insurance then my health insurance. And yk we don't want to go after my bf but we'll have to if the officer doesn't call back soon.

    What do ya'll think I should do? Should I wait it out or call my psychiatrist to make it through these 2 months?? #DepressionAndMentalHealth #onalityDisorder #Anxiety #dep

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    UGH

    Ugh my doctor put me in a out patient program. Now I remember why I hate it so much. Well the ones that have been following me there was another medication change that brings the total to 6 in 3/4 weeks. I took a leave of absence from work per my doctor and my sponsor got me back of SSDI. Not sure what else to say other then I am beyond being frustrated. #BipolarDepression #onalityDisorder #Anxiety #dep #Depression #Anxiety #

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    Feeling oh so very lost

    Feeling oh so very lost right now. With all the medication changes nothing is working so far. If anything I have gotten worse. My anxiety and depression is out of control for the last 2 months. I have a call into the doctor and waiting for a call back from them. Not sure what more I can do. #onalityDisorder #Anxiety #dep #Depression #Anxiety # suicidal #needing help.

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    Coping mechanisms for the bipolar afflicted #BipolarDepression #onalityDisorder #ptsd #Bipola #Bipolar2Disorder #BipolarObsessiveness

    So.......I’m really quite new on here. And I have to say, so far, the journey has been informative. Of course there are new people here every day.

    I am hoping that some of you might write down coping strategies that you employ, in certain situations. Of course I am personally interested to see if there is anything I can learn, but if newbies come across this post, what would you want to impart to them........

    Hugs

    2 comments