lastday

☆ " I Didn't Go Into Work Today Because Of My Allergie's The Ragweed.. And Grass Etc Are Very In Season Here... So I Woke Up With Swollen Sinuse's And A Sore Throat... And A Massive Migraine... And I Still Feel Like S***t × I'm Also In Pain... And So Sore Af. But I Went To Say Goodbye To Whoever Was At Work Anyway's. " × #lastday ☆▪︎☆ SKADI KVITRAVN ☆▪︎☆

Well, a terrible day. A terrible anxious little monster. Truly some of the most pain and self perpetuating fears I have ever had.

THAT being said, when I walked out the door (after a tasteful and thankful farewell from both sides) I felt so relieved.

A little worried it’s an entire facade of defense to numb myself through this epic failure. But, my heart does feel a little lighter. #Anxiety #Work #lastday #Pain #goodbye #KeepTruckin #panic #HopefulYet

I had my last day at a job I was with for 4 .5 years yesterday. My health conditions have taken so much from me: my body, my friends, my hobbies, my social time, my fitness, my nature time, and so much more. And now it took a job I loved.

My day yesterday ended with not a single co-worker saying goodbye and not a single co-worker wishing me good luck on my health or my next job. My work environment was toxic and nasty. They all are MAD because me leaving meant that they lost a percentage of their income and it increased their overhead rate slightly. They all couldn't understand that my health is so poor that every 2.5 weeks I was ending up in the ER because my body couldn't keep up with the pace they were demanding I kept. I kept getting asked when I could work more and why I wasn't making more money for their company. They couldn't be supportive or caring. I have lost 30 pounds since May and I am incredibly unwell. I had to find a new job where I could make my own hours and spend more time going to medical appointments. My job is literally to teach people to manage their wellness and self care ...and I had to do this to manage my own. It's sickening to me that my co workers couldn't understand this. So selfish.

Today the sadness and grief and the hurt is all hitting me really hard. I am trying to allow myself to just rest and take the day off but I have some things I have to finish as far as paperwork and tasks for my old job before I am completely washed of them. It's exhausting to feel all of this today when I just want to be done. On top of it all we are dealing with horridly high heat temperatures today and even though I am inside in cool temperature my body can tell and I am horribly dizzy. I was supposed to go get blood work drawn today and now I can't go because I am too worried about passing out if I try to go in with these temps.

I need some ideas for ways to process my grief and hurt today. I know it was best to leave the toxicity but I am so so sad that no one could even have the human deceny to wish me good luck or say goodbye on my last day. I feel so invisible and useless already with all the changes my health has caused me to make...it just really hurts to lose so much.