So I am at DV shelter and for the last two days another client in the house has seemingly singled me out to abuse?! I think she's on speed or something too? So she is screaming and yelling at me calling me names etc and the staff at shelter felt that I should go in my room? I am capable 100% of not talking to or being around that person! She just will not leave me alone? After having another attack from her maybe an hour passed by and she started talking to me like we were old friends asking me what time I had to work today? I at first didn't respond after 4 more times I just said I don't wanna talk to you and then she starts right back in on me!? Telling me she wants me kicked out and that I don't follow the rules just not making any sense?!? So my question is how the heck do I not think about it and go about my day?! I left the shelter very early so I could avoid that person entirely but I feel unsafe unprotected and I feel like I am allowing this person to run me off?! Its just that in the past due to my anti social bpd ways I can be violent after all the abuse I have been handed I guess I have used that to get my way?! Just the way my abusers always have? So I don't trust that I will be able to control myself I am so angry I haven't slept or showed or kept my appts today I'm sitting in my car in front of a friend's house bawling!!! How an this be happening and how do I make it stop!!! Do I just run or get a ppo?? The thing is I am moving out in less than a week and have great things a new apt job to look forward to but I am jot handling this drama well at all!! I'm trying not to beat myself up but I am mad that she is getting to me! I feel like I am being mistreated all over again!! I cry more when I am mad than ever! I dislike crying very much! What really bothers me is missing everything work! physical therapy! I just can't do it!! Staff at shelter told me to just let it go dont let it bother you so much?! Which made me more mad!!! If I fuck this up before the shelter helps me move out I will lose all of the household items and furniture the shelter is providing me and all of my transition help from them as well?! That cannot happen!!! Well fuck!! Not sure what I am gonna do now but I do know that I am taking my meds now! Help and please don't say just let it go!?!? Please?
Trying to work doesn't work for me?
I can't sleep thinking about this part time job I took I shouldn't have even bothered to look for a job and start it! I was very specific about the hours days I could work and on my first week not in training she scheduled me for during my regularly scheduled counseling a standing appt that I explained last week that I have! My new boss screams and cusses freaking out if something doesn't go her way? I always try to work because people society treats you differently if you don't or can't hold a steady job! I can't sleep because I am thinking about the anxiety and stress it causes me to think about having to go in and deal with people all day in a store and I didn't know that I was going to be expected to make sellibg my major job? I thought people would come in pick out what they want and I would ring it up? No I am supposed to aggressively sell to each and every customer that isn't a rewards member?! Ugh! I just am not gonna be able to do this job and I won't be able to sleep worrying about it?! I'm not on disability yet but am trying just starting to get shit together to file!? Anyway I won't be able to do this job that is for sure I am over 50 and never held down a job? My anxiety panic attacks self esteem emotions being everywhere just doesn't go good with reg employment!? #BPD , #Bipolar , #opiate addiction,#domestic violence, #CPTSD , #Depression #Anxiety #panic attacks I am embarrassed and ashamed and poir and still won't be able to do this job so I am going to have to say so but I prolly won't I will probably just call in so many times she fires me!? This sucks! I always feel good looking for a job then getting it then the problems show and I bounce. I can't listen to her screaming and tripping out that triggers my shit!? When will I just accept that I can't do it? Man this really does suck!!!