Uncertainty’s of Dating and Intimacy
According to seniorsresourceguide.com “These days the trend in dating, for seniors, is geared more toward having fun and companionship, rather than for casual sex or marriage.”
I don’t know about you, but being single makes it harder to get consistent intimacy. There is a real need for intimacy and companionship that doesn’t border on sex but true connection. How do you find a true connection? My first marriage, I was seventeen, and married my high school sweetheart. And although we lasted twenty four years, our paths changed and we grew apart. I was lonely and he was laying right next to me. My second marriage lasted only four years, but our relationship lasted fifteen. Intimacy wasn’t an issue but... and there is always a but, we had a lot of personality and parenting challenges that outweighed any chance of growing old together.
So, technically after thirty nine years of marriage, I’m done. I’m a lot happier and more mentally stable now than I ever was. But, I don’t think it’s made me more datable. If anything, after being single for eleven years, I’ve nestled in to a solitary lifestyle that has sustained my need for balance and gratitude. I finally recognize the desirability of freedom and independence. I feel confident with purpose and value. I take care of my mental health; mind, body, and soul.
Then when I least expect it, I get an invite to an event that also includes a “plus one.” I suddenly feel as joyous as I did when I had a root canal. I start to feel flawed and insignificant as if there is something wrong with me. I don’t have a partner, a friend with benefits, or any male companion that I’d ask to escort me so that I don’t have to go alone. Have I become cold and unattached and unable to form romantic connections with other people?
Similar arguments apply to most people in relationships, but when you’re single, it is very hard to fit in with the traditional matrimonial unions that engulf our society. I just love “you will meet someone when you least expect it” or “it will happen when the time is right” nonsense! “Have you tried online dating?” Who hasn’t? The dating landscape is vastly different than what I remember at twenty or thirty. I get lonely. I’m only human. Sometimes I feel like I’ve crossed over to the twilight zone and no longer a sparkling example of human equanimity. I feel like I’m perpetually standing in a dating line saying “oooh, pick me” and waving my hands uncontrollably as if I were ready for take off!
I don’t think there’s one love of your life. I think there’s love. And, although we crave intimacy from time to time, I think I I will continue to form relationships by helping others, reminding my kids and grandkids that I adore them, and enjoy the occasional lunch with a friend. Also, try to become more enthusiastic over the uncertainty’s of dating! #Dating #MentalHealth #intimacy #mentallystable #mentalillnessandrelationships