intimacy

Join the Conversation on
135 people
0 stories
20 posts
Explore Our Newsletters
What's New in
All
Stories
Posts
Videos
Latest
Trending
Post

Those with PTSD from sexual assault: does it cause you to have a HIGH or a LOW libido?

My partner is a sexual assault survivor like me. He has a crazy high libido while I’m dead from the waist down. I didn’t used to be that way. I used to have a crazy high libido, too. However, I had some realizations in the middle of our relationship about sexual assault that happened to me as a child that I’d repressed. My libido tanked and I can’t seem to get it back. Any recommendations?

#libido #SexualAssaultSurvivor #Relationships #intimacy

2 comments
Post

NO.

when a girl or boy gets touched by someone with no communication between them. when a girl or boy has sex just because they feel like it's what they're meant to do. when a girl or boy feels too scared to say no. when a girl or boy's parents touch them after they tell them not to. those children will grow up scared. they will be afraid of intimacy. they will be afraid of saying no, because if their own parents can't even accept a no, why would a partner? or a stranger? or a friend? i am one of these children, who has sunken into themselves, who is afraid of someone asking or even acting like they want sex. thinking about sex makes me cry. i'm not kidding... my idea of physical love has been twisted and tainted after just 3 experiences with the opposite gender at 12, 13 and 14 years old. that boy who is flirting with you doesn't know how terrified you are, and it's not his fault, it's the boys before him who ruined it. that girl who put her hand on your thigh, she doesn't know how scared you are, and it's also not her fault, it's the girls before her that ruined it. when our first experiences of physical intimacy are forced, begged, and beaten out of us, we don't see physical touch as love, and we are afraid that every relationship we get into will be the same, we question if we just don't like sex, we wonder if something is wrong with us, maybe it's just me. what if i can never show or receive love? what if i cant ever have sex? these thoughts haunt me everyday, because love is so important to me, i know that i have love, and i want love, i just need to realize what sex really is, because sex is not scary, it is not painful, it is not traumatizing, and if sex makes me feel that way, i am not having sex, they are. and one day, i will find someone who is patient, someone who can help me heal, someone who understands, and can respect boundaries. love is not sex, it it a way to express love, never be afraid to say no if you have the choice to. #MentalHealth #intimacy #Healing

Post

Managing incontinence while trying to be intimate. #incotinence #Urinaryincotinence #intimacy #intimacyissues #managingincontinence

Has anyone tried to get into a relationship after their incontinence started? I've been incontinent for several years now and thought I reached a point where I was ready to be in a relationship again and every time I attempt to do it I can only get so far before I back out. Having mental health issues doesn't help.
#incotinence #Urinaryincotinence #intimacy #intimacyissues #managingincontinence

4 comments
Post
See full photo

Uncertainty’s of Dating and Intimacy

According to seniorsresourceguide.com “These days the trend in dating, for seniors, is geared more toward having fun and companionship, rather than for casual sex or marriage.”

I don’t know about you, but being single makes it harder to get consistent intimacy. There is a real need for intimacy and companionship that doesn’t border on sex but true connection. How do you find a true connection? My first marriage, I was seventeen, and married my high school sweetheart. And although we lasted twenty four years, our paths changed and we grew apart. I was lonely and he was laying right next to me. My second marriage lasted only four years, but our relationship lasted fifteen. Intimacy wasn’t an issue but... and there is always a but, we had a lot of personality and parenting challenges that outweighed any chance of growing old together.

So, technically after thirty nine years of marriage, I’m done. I’m a lot happier and more mentally stable now than I ever was. But, I don’t think it’s made me more datable. If anything, after being single for eleven years, I’ve nestled in to a solitary lifestyle that has sustained my need for balance and gratitude. I finally recognize the desirability of freedom and independence. I feel confident with purpose and value. I take care of my mental health; mind, body, and soul.

Then when I least expect it, I get an invite to an event that also includes a “plus one.” I suddenly feel as joyous as I did when I had a root canal. I start to feel flawed and insignificant as if there is something wrong with me. I don’t have a partner, a friend with benefits, or any male companion that I’d ask to escort me so that I don’t have to go alone. Have I become cold and unattached and unable to form romantic connections with other people?

Similar arguments apply to most people in relationships, but when you’re single, it is very hard to fit in with the traditional matrimonial unions that engulf our society. I just love “you will meet someone when you least expect it” or “it will happen when the time is right” nonsense! “Have you tried online dating?” Who hasn’t? The dating landscape is vastly different than what I remember at twenty or thirty. I get lonely. I’m only human. Sometimes I feel like I’ve crossed over to the twilight zone and no longer a sparkling example of human equanimity. I feel like I’m perpetually standing in a dating line saying “oooh, pick me” and waving my hands uncontrollably as if I were ready for take off!

I don’t think there’s one love of your life. I think there’s love. And, although we crave intimacy from time to time, I think I I will continue to form relationships by helping others, reminding my kids and grandkids that I adore them, and enjoy the occasional lunch with a friend. Also, try to become more enthusiastic over the uncertainty’s of dating! #Dating #MentalHealth #intimacy #mentallystable #mentalillnessandrelationships

2 comments
Post

New Relationship PTSD Sexual Assult

mong other things that have happened in the last year I was sexually assaulted. This also brought up the same kind of memories from when I was 14. Things have been looking up. I haven’t had a suicidal thought in months. I’m not having panic attacks and I haven’t had a nightmare in a month or two.

Previously though, I was in a relationship where I was trying to get comfortable with sex. I communicated the most I could and stopped when I was uncomfortable but even if I enjoyed the time together I immediately felt used afterward and fell back into depression. I broke up with him sometimes every couple of days. The last time though, it was because I had a vivid flashback of the assault that happened at 14, I was attacked on the street at night and most of my life it’s been hard to bring up. The flashback got so bad that I didn’t know where I was for a minute or two. Every time he he did something small like rubbed my shoulder I told him I didn’t want to be touched. About a week later I broke up with him for good. I liked him but I felt like a burden and that he would never understand.

I started seeing someone again and suggested we just start out as friends. We’ve been hanging out about every weekend for two months now. During the week he’ll drop by. It’s been awesome. I feel like a girl in love for the first time.

This weekend we went on kind of a staycation and drank. We stayed at a hotel since we couldn’t drive and it was too far to Uber. We talked about not letting things get “weird” first. Well we finally kissed and it immediately led to him wanting to have sex. I kind of squirmed away and he backed off, said I could set the pace and he wasn’t pressuring me.

It actually led to me initiating it but I was pretty mixed up. I tend to think people will abandon me. I’ve told him I have depression, anxiety, and PTSD and said that it’s under control. Lately it has been. But I immediately regretted my decision to sleep with him but didn’t stop. I hadn’t explained anything about intimacy to him. When I felt like he was taking “control” and getting more passionate I mentally checked out. After I still kissed him and felt alright laying with him. When we were kissing though he stopped, looked at me, and said I look like I’m having an internal conflict. (Wow spot on) I told him it goes deeper than that, almost explained but just went to sleep.

Today at work it all hit me. I’m here alone and can’t stop playing out worst case scenarios. I like him so much I can’t get my words out to explain. You think it would be the opposite and I’d open up but it’s hard. I don’t want to complicate things but I don’t see an abstinent relationship working.

Does anyone have experience with new relationship and PTSD?

#intimacy #sexualassult #PTSD

6 comments
Post

Anxiety

This is something I haven’t felt comfortable talking about with anyone yet, but feel like I have to because It’s been making me feel so stressed these last days.

I’ve been with my partner for 3yrs now and just recently got engaged to him. We were so in love the first 2 years and had a lot of intimacy. But then a year ago I had my first panic attack and after that I’ve been dealing with general anxiety almost on daily basis. First 3-4 months were the worst but slowly it has gotten better, minus the reoccurring fear whenever we go out somewhere together or when I get on a tram to go to work.

From the outside my life looks actually great. My partner loves me so much and has been extremely supportive and underu. But from the inside I feel completely lost. I’m feeling sometimes scared and anxious for no apparent reason. Besides that my sex drive is basically 0, every other day I doubt if I really love him and barely want to be touched by him.

Has anyone else had these feelings and issues? And how do you stop anxiety from ruining you relationship?

#Anxiety #Relationships #intimacy

2 comments
Post

How Do You Do Intimacy With A Chronic Illness?

#SexAndRelationships
#Fibromyalgia #ChronicFatigueSyndromeampME #intimacy

My husband is frustrated, unhappy, angry, maybe even a little depressed. He has always been a weight lifter and takes peptides and supliments but no steroids. He has the sex drive of a 19 year old and he's 41. Im 32, have had 2 kids, and have Fibromyalgia and ME/CFS. You can probably see where this is going. I know for a lot of girls it would be a dream come true but for me its hard. It takes a lot for me to get in the mood. Dont get me wrong my husband has a super sexy body. I find him very attractive but not get wild and jump his bones like he expects. Nothing is going to do that, for me sex is something i have to really try at. Sure once I get into it, it feels good. It also takes a ton of energy that whipes me out and ups my pain level. For what? A few minutes of pleasure. And sometimes he wants to do it again!! I don't know. Maybe something's wrong with me, but its just not worth it. I still try at least once a week because I understand my husband has needs and intimacy is important. And when I say try I mean sometimes I get dolled up, sometimes I put on sexy nightys, sometimes I pose for photos (Sorry if thats TMI). Lately that still isn't enough for him. He says "Its sad when girls hit on me more than my wife does". No matter how much affection I show and how many times I tell him he looks good, its like he isn't hearing me. Its never enough. I don't know what to do. I feel broken as women! I feel like I'm failing as a wife. How would you handle this? Does anyone else have this problem?

7 comments
Post

Intimacy with an Invisible Disease

I was having a conversation with a family member and the topic of sex came up. The question that was asked was since the progression of #EhlersDanlosSyndrome how is my husband and I sex life. To be honest with us, our sex life hasn't changed as much. We are still very much attracted to each other and the thought of pleasure still can drive us both insane with lust and passion, yet we have had to be more careful about certain positions and things. I have always been the type of girl to listen to her body. I guess you can say I'm very in tune on what and how I feel. As time has gone on and I am now more reliant on my wheelchair, our sex life has become more intriguing. I learned that body pillows and wedge pillows help me a lot with my hips. My hips dislocated a lot so having the support really helps. We learn to listen to each other more when it comes to being comfortable having sex. My husband is very sweet and always ask how to accommodate me to where we both can still enjoy each other before the diagnosis. I've read and heard many other Zebras struggle with intimacy with their mates to the point there is separation and some times divorce. I hate to hear stories about that yet it is all about clear communication with each other. Let each other know how the other is feeling about intimacy. I would even suggest a sex counselor (not sure of the technical title) to help inform how to be able to still have a healthy sex life despite our disabilities and illnesses. I can say for me, I'm not worried at all when it comes to love making with my husband as time goes forward. I know with us having that clear communication and brainstorming together that whatever the next phase is, we can still honor our love for each other and still have a beautiful sex life that can last us forever. A few tips from me would be to have the talk with your spouse and be completely honest with what you need and want from them. Research different pillows that can help you feel more comfortable in the bedroom. I found that wedge pillows are great for the hips. I would even recommend watching some videos that may help spark some inspiration. I still love be sexy for not only myself but my husband and I don't allow being in my wheelchair to stop that. I still love to wear my sexy lingerie. It helps keep the spice in our lives and not worry about a dislocation or anything health related. It becomes our time to just be together and in the moment. I hope this helps inspire any couples that may feel like they have lost all hope in the love making department. Keep fighting!!

Ana 🦓💪🏾🥰😍

#EhlersDanlosSyndrome #intimacy #SexAndRelationships #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #InvisibleDisability #ChronicIlless #MentalHealth #healthysexlife #zebrastrong