MentalIllnessHurts

I wrote this some hours ago...

Woman, Interrupted

My chest feels heavy, but I feel empty...
The dark thoughts are back and I’m wanting to taste death again.
I separate myself from the world for my protection,
My emotions at times are so intense that I want to tear myself
Out of my skin,
The times I want to cry, I want to scream as well,
When I am angry, I want to destroy all that’s in front of me,
There is so much that’s there that I can’t even put into words
That I just keep it all inside.
I want to be near you, but I can’t let you get close to me-
But who can really love a woman with an illness that hasn’t
Been named?
Who would dare to put their sanity on the line to give affection
To damaged souls?
Understand that with all the love that I have inside me,
I still will feel like I’m forever missing the mark,
That in my efforts to go the extra mile, it may not be good enough...
That I will never feel good enough.
I’m ruined and I don’t want to do the same to you,
So please...
Run.
#MentalHealth #NamelessFeeling #Poetry #MightyPoets #EmotionalIntensity #Emotions #NotGoodEnough #Depression #MentalIllnessHurts

It’s about day 4 of a really bad depression valley. It’s all caused by no self worth. And the thing is, I’m on all the meds, been to therapy, know all the tricks, I know it’s just the liar brain. I have two brains, one that is logical and knows what’s going on, and liar brain which tells me I’m a waste and I don’t contribute to anything and I’m a burden to my husband. Liar brain is still so believable even after 14 years of all this. #Depression #MentalIllnessHurts #BipolarDisorder

I lost my Daddy 21 years ago to suicide when I was 2 weeks shy of turning 18 as a single mom. I only wish that there had been more awareness, capabilities of learning the signs, etc. at the time of his death. Now as a Mom of 2, one early 20’s one only 15, I struggle daily w/severe mental illnesses, several of them that have left me disabled and home bound. I keep my Daddy’s memory alive by keep on fighting, getting all the help I need, so that my children won’t ever get a knock on their door from a deputy (whom happened to be my uncle) to tell them that they’re mom lost the battle. I pray everyday God gives me strength to keep on keeping on, and that’s how I think my Dad would want me to be after finding some of his writings. We never “get over it”, bc you’re always left wondering what was going on in their mind, what could we have done different, and it’s a pain I hate for anyone to bare. Prayers for everyone suffering! #StayStrong #loveeveryone
#AfterSuicideLoss