Why I Stopped Using Medical Marijuana to Treat My Migraine

I began using medical marijuana as a treatment for my chronic migraine, anxiety and bipolar disorder. I experienced episodic migraine attacks for 15 years, but they recently turned nonstop and no treatment so far had helped. My insurance had denied Botox — a proven treatment for migraine — and my doctors were afraid of me getting medication overuse headaches or addicted to opioids, so I self-medicated while I figured out what to do.

I used cannabis for migraine for 2 years. I started using only when I had a migraine attack (i.e., when my constant migraine got unbearable), but eventually turned into a daily habit. I couldn’t use it during the day because of my work so I had a stabbing migraine attack all day and waited until I got home to vape. I used a dry herb vape pen and got very into all the different strains I could buy. I tried buying high CBD strains, as everyone suggested, but those weren’t effective for me. I also used edibles and tinctures because I’m against smoking. I became a bit of a cannabis snob. It became a hobby for me … a very expensive hobby.

At my worst, I was vaping multiple times a day (all day long) until all I could do is lie in bed or on the couch and watch my relationship disintegrate before my eyes. My migraine attacks weren’t getting better — they seemed to be worse — and I was fighting with doctors and insurance companies to be treated. I was also in the middle of a psychiatric meltdown due to my borderline personality disorder (BPD), bipolar disorder or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The diagnosis isn’t as relevant as the symptoms — I was depressed, suicidal, paranoid, dissociating and empty. It was unclear how many of my issues were due to my mental illnesses, health issues or an unhealthy relationship. Adding heavy doses of marijuana on top of all that was not a wise decision.

Time passed and it wasn’t until I started treatment for my eating disorder that I recognized I was using the same patterns with food as I was with cannabis. This is most likely a BPD trait: I was using because I felt empty inside and I was looking for something to fill the void.

I also noticed it was interfering with my new relationship — by this time, the old one had ended — and I wanted to save it. I wanted to be present for our relationship. I didn’t want it to fall apart like my last one. Every weekend, I lay on the couch and watched life pass me by, and now I wanted to be present for it — finally.

I weaned myself off of it until I slowly didn’t need it anymore. I was afraid to do this because I was certain my migraine attacks would get worse, but they were already terrible so I gave it a shot. Turns out, they got better. My mood improved and stabilized, too.

I’m now six months sober. It happened so effortlessly. Sure, there were urges, but then I would focus on my reasons for abstaining and remember it’s not worth the cost. I also used a lot of mindfulness techniques I learned from dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) and a recovery program. For example, the “cope ahead” technique involves imagining an upcoming difficult situation and what healthy coping skills you would use to handle it. Imagining the consequences of using marijuana for my migraine versus ice and other self-care aids has proven really helpful. Also, just being honest with myself about why I want to use cannabis (is it really a medicinal reason?) has helped me stay grounded.

Sobriety has given me a clarity of mind I couldn’t have anticipated. If I would have known this is what my mind and my life could be like, I would have done it a lot sooner. Answers to life problems just seem so obvious to me now, where before it would be an emotional struggle and I would have to ask several of my friends for advice before doing anything. I feel grounded and sure of myself for the first time ever. This feeling is something I do not take for granted and I think that makes it all the more powerful.

Marijuana was not the answer to curing my migraine, but abstinence isn’t the only thing helping me either. Being sober, I became more creative at problem-solving. I put my ego away and started over again: diet. I noticed that dairy gave me a migraine attack and caused horrible fatigue. When I ate a vegan diet, I felt better by keeping my migraine at bay. My doctor also prescribed a transcranial nerve stimulation device for when I do have a migraine attack and it is incredibly effective. I also changed some medications around too.

A big factor was ending a toxic relationship and moving out of a stressful environment. I tried to treat my migraine from all angles that I could. Now, migraine attacks are something I need to watch out for but they no longer rule my life. Marijuana is something that started as medicinal but eventually was recreational. It wasn’t long after that it became an addiction. People may say marijuana isn’t addictive, and that might be true physiologically, but because of my brain chemistry — my existing mental illnesses — and life situation, it became a behavioral or process addiction. Breaking that addiction freed me from my migraines and freed me to live a better, sober life.