Insomnia
Really struggling again. Ruminating AGAIN on hurt, anger, and abandonment by close friend a couple years ago. I still have to see her due to mutual friends and it's very hard. I was just shut out due to a minor disagreement. I've mostly given her space, but in the last year have reached out a few times, have been civil/friendly. I think she has some BPD traits too and shutting down/out is kind of her MO. But her face and demeanor just look so much like she doesn't care, and MY BPD just can't let it go. Paranoia moves in, and I start thinking I will lose another close friend whom she is close with as well. It starts a downward spiral of self hatred, and I just don't know how to make it stop. I don't self harm and I quit drinking and smoking the last couple years. My coping skills have/are improving but the suffering is not. Sorry ...AND the suffering is not. 🙄 Very frustrated and demoralized.