missingout

I remember once in my life having a feeling of pure elation. Unbridled, incredible joy. I was on my way home for my sister's wedding. At the time, that was the most fun and exciting thing ever.

I haven't felt that since. Even today, when I gave a speech in front of about 50 people for school (which is especially challenging as a person with social anxiety) and I did surprisingly well. Everyone congratulated me. My parents spent the day with me and made sure I knew they were proud of me. I was happy, but in a very subdued way. I was glad that I did well, of course. Relieved, grateful, peaceful. But if there was any time when I feel like I should have been exuberant, elated, it was then. It didn't take long for thoughts of everything I could be doing better to replace those of pride in my accomplishments.

Everyone is different. I know I shouldn't expect to feel like others feel. But it's like there's something stopping me from celebrating, from being at all carefree. I've heard others describe these types of feelings too. Like you're not living 100%. I feel like at times of celebration and fun, I'm always missing some level of the enjoyment. I'm always questioning "am I enjoying this enough/as much as possible?" I try to suppress these feelings, and appreciate the moment for itself - even though it's not perfect, even though I might not be getting "it all." I don't wanna miss what I am capable of enjoying.

I just want to be able to celebrate with my family without reservations. To experience true joy again. To be able to be genuinely and unashamedly proud of myself for doing things that were very hard for me. I know I will, someday.

I’m the last person to get Information, I feel like I’m missing out. My coworkers go somewhere to eat and I don’t get invited. Today my boss brought lunch for all of us, nobody told me :( i wanted to ask why but I think I’m gonna start crying when I do... #Work #SelfDoubt #missingout

The hardest part of living I find is not being understood. When you know that your right and have a valid point but it is not understood by the people you are talking to, it may be loved ones, it maybe Dr's. Gov, or even shopworkers. I lose respect for those who do not understand and avoid, if I know they are just going through a routine. Family are worse... when they ask what you want but dont listen and things turn out 2nd rate or impractical. It can be a dark world when it should be plain sailing. Also, not knowing the information for hotels, restaurants holidays, always missing out... oh dear
#ItsOKMan #Communication #unheard , #missingout