MST

First time posting here. I'm a USAF Vet, and I'm having to fill out a form for MST/PTSD that requires me to account the incident(s) that caused the PTSD...and I'm struggling. This is making me remember what my mind wants to forget. and I'm shaky, having panic attacks, and having nightmares and my body is remembering what the assaults (and an active shooter event) felt like.

I need to fill out these forms, and I'm having trouble remembering exact dates, and when i try to probe my mind for them...it hurts. I feel like i'm re-living them as i try to write them down. and each one i remember triggers another memory that i don't want out of the box i've shoved them in my head. How do i keep sane thru this? #MST #PTSD

#MST trying to think I’m good enough and change the thought process surrounding the whole situation get me to my core. I’m working with a lawyer because since I didn’t report the rape the VA says it never happened. I reported to my command 4 days prior and it happened on my birthday. 15 years ago. Along with childhood trauma makes for a lovely alphabet soup.

I’ve completed #cpt and about to finish #emdr . Complex PTSD, severe anxiety, major depressive disorder and dissociative disorder.

My brain is taking me down a road I don’t want to be. I’m not okay.

Has anyone else had this fear? Like I'm afraid to even start.. talking about it even. I haven't even started the process. I'm afraid to even make contact. I've had so many... unpleasant encounters in the past... I'm a cold-war period veteran of the US Navy #PTSD & #CPTSD
#MST

The past 3 days I’ve felt like a plague has taken over my body. When I have so much to do my body just shuts down. I can’t even describe the dread I feel. It sits in the pit of my stomach, I ache all over and cannot function. Hopefully the dark cloud of depression will pass soon. #SexualTrauma #MST #AnxietyAttacks #DreadfulMoments

After reflecting and pondering I always end up with the same conclusion of what I desire most in life:

I just want to be loved wholly and deeply for me; all of me.

I am enough. I need someone to see that. I need to be good enough to be loved wholly, deeply, unconditionally, and unapologetically, for the rest of my days...the good bits and even when I have depressive episodes.

I am worthy.

#MST #PTSD #MDD #SocialAnxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder

When I have a panic attack, I freeze up, can’t communicate, cant make logical decisions, can’t go outside and overall feel like it’s the end of the world. What are some different remedies you all use to cope?