onlychild

I am an only child. I feel like this has had a huge impact on my life in many ways. Growing up I didn't have any friends or even cousins I was close with. Actually all of my cousins were 7 plus years older than me so even at family gatherings for holidays and whatnot I was the odd one out. Not only that but all my cousins were really mean to me, and always hated when my parents made them play with me. I can remember sitting in the hallway at my Aunts house one Christmas Eve while all the other kids played together and the adults did their thing and no one even cared that I was sitting there all by myself with nothing to do. I wasn't allowed to be where the adults were at all and my cousins had locked me out of the room they were playing in. I could have gone to the adults and made them let me into the room but even at 6 years old I knew that meant my cousins would get into trouble because of me and once the adults were gone they would just torture me the entire time. It was more fun to sit alone in the hallway against the wall by myself for several hours than to deal with what would happen if I did anything else. Even when I became a teenager I was very much alone all the time. I was bullied in school and had one friend until her parents decided in 8th grade that she and her siblings should go to private school. After she left I was on my own again. The other kids were not nice to me, and no one seemed to care. In high school there were a few kids that were nice to me but I wouldn't call them friends. Nothing has ever stuck, and always being alone sucks. Anyone else here an only child? I have always felt different because of this fact and wondered if maybe its why I am the way I am.

I needed to be reminded that my Mom didn't die because she didn't love me. As an only child, I dealt with this loss with a unique perspective of everyone else who loved my Mom. Sometimes, I still need to be reminded of her love for me. I also wish people would have shared memories of Mom when she was being her amazing, wonderful self.
#AfterSuicideLoss #Survivor #onlychild #parentalsuicide