Oppositional Defiant Disorder

I’m currently using the dating app plenty of fish and I have reached out and messaged a few people and I don’t seem to really get any responses back they look at my profile and that’s it I think 🤔 I have to accept that maybe I’m just not good enough for anyone 😞
#Depression

So I have been going around and around in my own mind,I have a rather severely unhealthy fear of death/dying!! And to make matters worse I’m a professing Christian who believes in the Bible and the existence of heaven and hell and I ashamed to admit that I have a hard time trusting in God like I’m supposed to! I know it’s not right but a part of me wants to control God do that I can stop 🛑 any bad things including death from happening to me! It’s not that I want to be ugly towards God but in order for things to get better ❤️‍🩹 and my trust in Him to increase I have to know without a shadow of a doubt that I’m not going to die especially anytime soon, and that I’m automatically going to heaven in the event that I do die I need that blessed assurance I watched my son,my dad, and a guy I knew die right in front of me and that doesn’t help anything tbh I’m so tired of fighting back against anxiety attacks and panic attacks every single time I lay down to sleep at night it’s frustrating and scary 😱 and it’s getting really old really fast but I feel powerless to stop 🛑 it because I can’t control death so the way I figure it I’m gonna be stuck like this until I actually pass away and that’s very depressing and my first ex wife is acting like I can’t see my daughter 👧 and I want my own vehicle and my own place because I want to be independent I’m just a big mess is what I am
#Anxiety

Amos 5:24 NKJV

But let justice run down like water, And righteousness like a mighty stream.

Right now I’m just so depressed 😔 I earnestly believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and the Bible! It says true happiness can only be found in Christ Jesus ! I need my relationship with God to be better and I need to be more obedient to his teachings! I’m just so depressed because like someone stupid I depended on people and things to make me happy and in doing so I again realized that depending upon people or materialistic things to make you happy is absolutely ludicrous because they will let you down every time! And yet I find myself dependent upon them when I know full well to trust and obey God and depend entirely upon Him!! So why am I so stupid and foolish??

I’m just feeling so depressed 😔 right now and I just want things to get better in my life! I honestly don’t know what to do anymore to come out of this depression I’m in? I’m lost 😞 and don’t know how to feel better ❤️‍🩹 I’m trying to stay positive but it’s not helping I honestly don’t know in what direction to go in? I have literally laid down most of the day! I know I should have been reading 📖 my Bible but I was so depressed 😔 that I didn’t feel like it! I just don’t know what to do? Like right now I feel like everything is just off like something and everything is just wrong with me and I don’t know how to deal with it! I don’t know exactly how to explain what I’m trying to say here! It just feels as my life is off track like a bicycle 🚲 chain ⛓️‍💥 that’s off track that’s the best way I know how to describe it!? Also I had a thought about my ex wife or soon to be ex wife and I don’t know 🤷‍♂️ why I have no desire to think about her at all I don’t even know why that thought creeped in ?? Yet I feel like something in my life is missing?? I honestly loathe this feeling right now I believe I know what is missing in my life my relationship with Jesus Christ is definitely not where it needs to be that’s part of it and the fact that I’m used to being in a relationship and I am missing that as well not wanting my wife back because I don’t want her back I want to replace her is what I truly want so that I can be whole again and feel like my life is complete by having my relationship with Christ and a Godly woman that’s exactly what I need to lift my spirit and feel whole again because right now I feel incomplete and depressed

I was scrolling through and I see and read about so many people who are hurting and it breaks my heart ❤️ because I wanna help so bad I pray to the Lord because I want to help and yet I don’t know what to say? I want to desperately tell everyone who’s hurting that Jesus Christ loves you very much and he does care for you! I love everyone and always wanted the best for everyone it just hurts me so to know and learn that people are hurting
#Anxiety

So I lost my job tonight and I’ve been talking to someone and I felt happiness for a short time but in the end it always seems to be taken away from me! I’m so used to everything going wrong and people abandoning me I’m just at the point I’m ready to go home 🏠 with the Lord and live in heaven because I just can’t keep doing this life anymore
#Anxiety

I wish God would love me and help me get out of my sister house and into my own house 🏠 or apartment I feel so out of place I just want my own space I don’t feel comfortable here and I’m thinking about just ending my life what is the point of living if God doesn’t love me anymore and help me get my own place and my own vehicle and a Godly wife to share this beautiful life with if I can’t have that then he doesn’t love me anymore and there’s no reason to live
#Anxiety

I’m just wondering 🤔 if I’ll ever find love again? Especially when you have the mental illness that I mentioned above! I truly miss being in a committed relationship and being married. I’m just worthless I guess and that’s why I want to go ahead and go to heaven now to avoid the pain and loneliness I feel right now. I honestly wish suicide was not a sin in the eyes of the Lord because if it wasn’t then I could go to heaven now and end the pain and suffering and loneliness I feel inside. I am a very loving and affectionate caring man and I love someone with all my heart and soul and I love the Lord even more I wish he would send me someone 😭😭😭😭😭

If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31). Paul continues his rhetorical questions after this. “Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies” (Romans 8:33).

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4). The powerful message of this verse means that Jesus, who lives in each believer, is more powerful than the enemy who is in the world

This is my new outlook on life and my new attitude