Oppositional Defiant Disorder

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Oppositional Defiant Disorder
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    Community Voices
    JZ

    "What if she can't?"

    My stepdaughter, 12 years old, diagnosed on the autism spectrum, ADHD, and Oppositional Defiant Disorder, has been doing our state's online public school the past two years while she has done therapy, in part, in an attempt to help her reintegrate into public in person school. Well, she's as defiant against the online work as she was in person. They have set up a 504 and made accomodations to make the coursework fit into her abilities. She's failing everything because she doesn't do the work. We got an email the other day saying they wanted to set up a zoom meeting to address her lack of engagement with the work and are basically saying they're gonna kick her out of the online school. The plan is to have her in person next year anyway, but her mom is beside herself with frustration. She insists that her daughter is not going to be able to do school at all. Because she refuses to do literally anything she is asked to do. I, like her therapists, disagree with this and think there's a good chance she will do ok at this point based on the progress she has made over the past couple years. But it could go either way. Cuz in all this time, what her triggers are is still elusive. I'm mostly just at a loss and venting. I don't even know what question I'm trying to ask or what question to ask. I'm just so tired of all this...
    #Autism #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #ADHD #CheckInWithMe

    2 people are talking about this
    angelaechapes

    Managing Multiple Disabilities and Mental Illnesses

    I have autism along with anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder (obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). I also have had depression in the past. When I was younger, I was diagnosed with learning disabilities that were not characterized as autism. I had interventions to give me tools to cope, and I had a supportive mom. I was in my 20s when I was diagnosed with autism. At first, I had no idea what to do or how to treat myself. I am glad I found the support of a therapist and psychiatrist because I had forgotten the coping skills I had been taught when I was younger. Working with a therapist was not new to me — I had been to a therapist as a child. When I was a child, my therapist thought I had all sorts of conditions, like learning disorders, mood disorders, and oppositional defiant disorder. When I had depression, I felt like I was in a black hole, and I didn’t want to do anything. I would just lie in bed and talk to myself, which was not healthy for me. I was treated with medication, but it took a long time to settle on a treatment that worked for me. Part of the reason I struggled was that I had stopped taking my medication. Fortunately, I came to my senses and started to take it again. The breakthrough with effective medication and my work with my therapist helped get me through that period. I would not listen to my father, and I would get really angry at him. I really wanted to hurt him. However, I am glad I did not follow through on those dark thoughts because he was trying to help me. My mom was everything to me. One day, I fell down the stairs and wanted to hurt somebody. I wanted to hurt her, but fortunately, I was able to control myself. I loved her so much. Sometimes I will talk back to my boss, which is a big no-no. My attitude is a continual work in progress. I keep talking to my therapist about this too. My long-time therapist retired not too long ago, and one of my recent challenges was finding a new therapist who was able to continue to help me. When I was a child I was diagnosed with learning disabilities. I especially struggled with math and using logic to solve problems. I also struggled with speech. Fortunately, I had help in school, and I met with special education teachers in the resource room. I was allowed to take my math tests in the resource room too. My mom worked with me to improve my math skills. The supportive environment with my mom and my teachers provided me with skills that allowed me to use math effectively at my current job. It still surprises me that I can do the math necessary for my job. I had trouble pronouncing words, so my parents enrolled me in the speech therapy clinic at Kansas State University. I remember having to work hard — I had to read aloud, and I would miss words. At the time, I thought the sentences were written “wrong” or the book was “messed up.” It took a while, but the exercises were able to help me. I have anxiety too, which I treat with medication. I sometimes get negative thoughts going through my head. There are times when I believe these negative thoughts until I talk to my friends or my therapist. I also do writing exercises that let me see my reality. I work to not let the anxiety I have get in the way of everyday tasks. I find talking to my friends helps me a lot, even though sometimes I feel like I rely on them too much. Therefore, I have a goal to talk to my therapist or do my anxiety exercises instead. This is so I can become stronger on my own just in case my friends move or my older friends pass away. I find that I get along with older people, but one of my current goals is to make friends that are younger than I am. Throughout my life, I have been shy. I was told that I would talk to people, but I would hang my head and just stare at the floor and talk. Today, I still have this habit, and I have difficulty with making eye contact, which I am always working on. I also have a problem with leaving in the middle of conversations, but fortunately, that has gotten better. Also, when I am talking to some of my friends, I talk and talk — to the point where I take up the whole conversation. I want to learn to have better conversations that let my friends and I have a balanced give-and-take. I hope that by working on these things and working with Toastmasters International, I can reach that goal. I’m hoping that these challenges become easier as my confidence grows. I have disclosed the challenges I have faced and talked about addressing those challenges with the people in my support system. Understanding my struggles, talking about them, and constantly working on them is how I manage my co-occurring conditions.

    Community Voices
    JZ

    Tough choices

    My wife is waiting to hear back about what day her new job starts. She went for an interview last week and the manager said they were planning to start either April 4 or the following week. But she did get the job. So that's the good thing!

    The hard thing is we got a call yesterday from the place where her daughter (high functioning) does her autism therapy and they told us her insurance changed and they don't take it. So either we get her back on the plan she used to be on or services end Friday. The only way to change that is to actually call them, which gives my wife extreme anxiety. She's gonna try because if they can change it back, keeping her at the same place would be easiest routine-wise. But the other side is if we keep her on this new plan, it covers another place in town that does the same type of therapy but they also offer respite care and other services all inclusive that we have to go to outside agencies to get since this other place doesn't have those. So, all told, this might be better for all of us in the longer term. But the current place is getting her ready to return to traditional school. And if she goes to the new place, the easiest thing to do would be keep her in online school cuz, while from a therapy standpoint she is ready to go back to school, from a practical standpoint of socialization and what her individual needs are, she wouldn't do well. She's still struggling to do practically anything independently. There just never seems to be a moment for us to enjoy anything or catch a break... #Autism #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #Insurance #choices

    Community Voices
    JZ

    Scared

    Last year was an absolutely terrible year for my family. My wife was out of work for nearly all of it due to depression and anxiety, leaving me to pretty much figure out how to pay ALL the bills and buy the food and keep things together. We made it... I'd say by the skin of our teeth. She found work, a job that fit with what she needs and her daughter's need for nearly constant supervision (she's high functioning autistic, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and ADHD). But I'm seeing hints of her losing this job she found. Hints of things that lead to her losing the last job she had before this one. And I just don't feel like I can do another year like last year. I haven't had a break or real time to myself in all of this time and I'm at the end of my rope as it is with my own stuff. I work all day and then come home and just work as a caregiver basically. I sometimes just don't feel like I can do it anymore, and tonight is one of those nights. #CheckInWithMe #Autism #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Caregiving #tired #Depression

    12 people are talking about this
    Community Voices
    Community Voices
    JZ

    Eating Weird things

    My stepdaughter is diagnosed high functioning autistic (also ADHD and ODD). We've had an ongoing issue lately where she is eating the cat food. We leave the dry stuff out, in a certain portion that the vet has said is ok for the cat for the whole day. But my stepdaughter is eating it regularly. As in the whole bowl. We know it's her because the cat will eat some and make it last all day. She always leaves some. A couple months back, it started suddenly being all gone at weird times during the day. So we set up a camera on the cat bowl. On a hunch cuz we've caught my stepdaughter doing it before and now we have multiple videos of her stealing the cat's food. What do we do to stop this? Punishments don't work. Reward for good behavior doesn't work. She literally does whatever she wants and acts like we we are the ones who are the problem because we have the audacity to say anything about it. #Autism #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #PathologicalDemandAvoidanceSyndrome #Caregiving

    2 people are talking about this
    Community Voices
    JZ

    Working independently

    My stepdaughter, she's gonna be 12 next week, has been in ABA for about a year now. We have seen vast improvements in many of the areas we had concerns. Lying, stealing, massive refusals of even the smallest demands.

    The problem is this: because of all the one on one she has been getting, she seems to have lost much of her ability to work independently at home (things like cleaning her room and such). It's been in the past couple weeks that I've noticed it, but with nearly every task we give her to do at home, she refuses to do it (not like a tantrum or anything like she used to,but she just waits until we leave the room and goes back to whatever she was doing before, basically just ignores us) unless we stand there and point out each individual item or step. And that is just not realistic in our situation. I'd assume they've noticed that at her therapy place as well and that's part of why they're moving her to a more independent work environment. She used to do things on her own, though sometimes after much screaming and crying about having to do it.

    I'm hoping some of the changes they've made to her program will help this, but what is some advice for us at home to help her work more independently? #Autism #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #PathologicalDemandAvoidanceSyndrome #ADHDInGirls #ADHD

    4 people are talking about this
    Community Voices
    JZ

    Stealing again...

    I've posted before about my stepdaughter's stealing issue. She's 11,gonna be 12 next month. The short of it is she steals stuff even of she doesn't intend to use it for anything. Food, items off a shelf, whatever she seems fit to take at a given moment. We've talked with her therapist about it and they had the problem occurring where she gets her therapy as well. But that has largely stopped there. And we had made a ton of progress at home too. It used to be every day and literally time she was left alone, even if we'd just step away for a moment to use the restroom. Things were better, though. We went from every single moment being on watch for that to it happened maybe once in the span of a month. We've gone full reverse in the past couple weeks. Just every day worse and worse and worse until this weekend, we literally couldn't leave her alone for two seconds and she was getting into things. She wasted all the taco shells (she took them and just tore them into pieces and played with them). Wasted my coffee creamer. Stole all kinds of pieces out of various board games and just squirreled them away under the couch. She rode with her mom to do some deliveries (her mom does flex delivery for Amazon from time to time) and even though her mom got her a happy meal from McDonald's before they left, while her mom was delivering a package, she drank her entire hot chocolate. The list goes on and on. Even when she was doing better, she still just doesn't seem to understand the idea of something belonging to someone else. It's almost like she just sees everything as her's if she decides she wants it. #Autism #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #PathologicalDemandAvoidanceSyndrome

    Community Voices
    JZ

    Therapist visit

    The lead for my stepdaughter's therapy changed this week as the girl there when she started is moving on to a different place. She always suggested that they could have someone from the center come visit us at home and observe and help with implementing some of the things they do there. It never materialized. The new girl, who officially starts in that lead capacity this week, is coming over tomorrow to begin that process. She also wants to observe some of the problem behavior in the home environment. My wife told her she's likely to be an angel when she's there, and Alexis (the new therapist) said she'd come regularly if she had to so my stepdaughter gets used to her being there and starts acting normally. I'm rather excited about how ambitious this girl is and interested to see if her style has a significant positive impact. Fingers crossed 🤞

    #Autism #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #ADHD #Caregiving

    Community Voices
    JZ

    Impulsivity

    My stepdaughter (she's 11, ADHD, ASD, ODD) was making such forward progress. She had largely stopped stealing things (she used to get into literally everything in the house and steal stuff just for the sake of stealing it). But that had mostly stopped we went months and had maybe two instances. Her mom has lost her regular job in March, though she has still been working and it isn't as though how much time my stepdaughter has by herself decreased. She started a new job last Thursday morning. Immediately my stepdaughter went back to stealing and such at every moment she is unsupervised. But nothing has changed cuz of the hours my wife works. Her mom went back to work and she immediately started doing it again. What are some ways you have found to address and help a child "control" or redirect their impulsivity? #ADHD #Autism #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #Impulsivity

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