Oppositional Defiant Disorder

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Oppositional Defiant Disorder
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Might have possible BPD? Struggling to find my inner voice/ vent post ❤️🥺😩😢

Hello, I’m Laura, 23. Originally from Mexico but was raised in Canada.

I have a whole history of intra generational family trauma, I super appreciate all the sacrifices my family did to bring me here, I love them but it is so incredibly hard to get along with them as we are a high stress/ super dysfunctional and toxic fam sadly. We have been through a lot, and I feel a lot of internal shame. Mental health issues run from my mom’s side in particular, and more health issues on my dad’s side.

It’s been tough
Ups and downs, there’s a whole lengthy history about all the stuff we have been through as a family. I love them all so so much, I’m super empathetic but it’s draining the fact we just can’t get along, it was always mainly my mom and dad who literally can’t stand each other but never got divorced because of financial reasons, they aren’t too much the traditional or religious type at least my mom especially she’s actually pretty anti-mexican and racist ironically so I wasn’t really raised in my culture, so I have some issues there too though I try to be open minded and find out on my own. Anyways long story short.

She’s diagnosed with major major depression, severe ptsd, chronic pain, heart disease, and so on she also most likely has super bad undiagnosed anxiety, very explosive bpd/ anger issues etc.

My sister has ulcerative colitis, and I’ve guessed oppositional defiant disorder or just very rebellious even since a child but not diagnosed could just be her and my mom have never ever gotten along and maybe never will lol to the point it gets violent confrontations, we have had to call the cops before sometimes, my sister has improved a lot but she also has pretty explosive bpd and anger issues, anxiety, long term depression or dysthymia i don’t know it’s like a thing where she rarely ever feels happy and is always numb or very callous in a way/ stoic she never ever cries.

My dad is more traditional

And things emotional health/ meant health is being weak minded etc

Just Canadian things even though my moms mother and aunt in Mexico have severe mental health too and are homeless due to lack of resources and understanding, her mom is very poor and skinny now as elderly sadly apparently but she is housed.

Anyways there’s a whole life story really hard to put into one post only.

Anyways I have diagnosed Generalized Anxiety Disorder so basically chronic stress and severe anxiety at times other times it’s low functioning/high functioning
Environment is a big one for me since there’s been some emotional abuse for a while now. Though I love my fam it’s hard to get into counselling without them wanting to, or them never wanting to learn non violent communication and learn healthy boundaries and so on.

I’m struggling internally because I have depression, ptsd, social anxiety, panic disorder, etc

My biggest are anxiety and depression.

But since my sister is diagnosed with BPD and my mom has most likely undiagnosed BPD too my current mental health caseworker says I might actually be at risk for it
Because though I don’t maybe apply to the most common symptoms or diagnosis criteria there is a spectrum.

I don’t have too many anger issues myself or explosive bpd like they do because I’ve been on the receiving end and I know what that feels like,

I’m a huge Empath and highly sensitive person,

I don’t like to be victimized in the sense I try my best to volunteer, get counselling, work on my conditions, there’s so much stigma and hate and I respect people who don’t believe in mental health stuff or support it, but at least for me personally. Know it’s just as important as physical health and ignoring it only makes it worse in my case. Sometimes I overthink everything am I really anxious and depressed or feel like a burden to society and so on but I try really hard to use self love and acceptance while I do my best to cope and do self improvement.

Anyways sorry just venting because I guess it’s hard to explain some things to counsellors as each one has their approach and currently can’t find free or affordable counselling and my caseworker is nice to get me support and resources but a bit stigmatizing in some things too or at least has a different approach in some things. A bit of lack of empathy just because on the outside I appear high functioning due to masking my mental health but I try not to and struggle a lot behind the scenes sometimes since my environment makes my recovery a lot worse sadly and it’s hard at the moment to keep a job etc



It’s hard because in recent years my sister has become super conservative and what some people would consider Qanon
I respect her beliefs and love her I know in some ways maybe some stuff is true some is not idk

But also I love my mom and dad but my mom constantly lashes out and belittles me and my dad can be stigmatizing in comments it’s just a hard mix when you just want to love your family and also not be drained or affected by being around them I worse on my triggers so much but it’s hard when I just absorb everything and they always have to be right hard to voice my needs or stand up for myself / boundaries

So for me the only way is to spend less time with them sadly and make a second family outside the home with more positive or accepting individuals though I love my fam and hope we can get better in the future

Anyways I guess it’s hard because lately my head isn’t a safe place I repeat everything the thought patterns and things they say
I went to an lgbtq+ friendly event today to support some of my friends as an ally. And all I can do is feel is this right is this wrong, even though I’m just trying to be nice and attend my first pride event, I respect liberal and conservative people religious or not /democrat or republican etc I have friends or fam on both sides, but it’s hard I feel I have no voice like I can’t respect myself and constantly question myself

It’s hard I feel maybe my inferiority complex and trauma etc some things might be linked to possible bpd or at least more counselling I need to do to work in I’ve been getting so many headaches lately from extreme heat outside walking as I can’t/ don’t drive at the moment and we had a bus strike for almost 6 months

And all the overthinking
I know coping tools and meditation etc I take medication maybe I need an increase in meds or additional meds but I’m scared about side effects idk I guess I’m just a struggling probably need to journal some more I just want the extra mean internal thoughts to go away it’s not me it’s not who I try to be I’m a decent and kind person I try to help when I can and be open minded help in the community but I can’t seem to do it lately for myself and it just makes me break down I try gratitude stay positive eyes but sometimes some days nothing helps it’s tough or my moods and thoughts change so much during the day it’s hard I know I just have to be good enough for me I shouldn’t care what anyone else says or thinks but it’s hard especially when it comes from your family most of the time

Thanks for any kindness and non judgmental comments this might sound over dramatic and I’ll feel better tomorrow but I guess just hard sometimes. Anyways excuse the long rant or venting and any typos or lack of grammar my phone is slow .

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #Stress #Trying #New

35 reactions 19 comments

3 Things to stay occupied when poor health

I have found a few things that help me feel productive & that I’m growing during down periods of less than stellar health:

1) Learn/practice language:
I use Duolingo at least an hour daily for French, Spanish, etc. My goal is to be fluent in French by December to surprise my Quebecois family at Christmas. Other apps are lingodeer, babbel, rosetta stone, etc.

2) Study a new subject:
I am taking an online Trauma & psychotherapy course, and reading a library book about Oppositional Defiant Disorder in preparation for going back to teaching, and we are waiting to adopt our first child from foster care.

3) Learn a new skill:
cooking, painting, drawing, writing, investing, gardening-literally the options are limitless! I watched youtube and self-taught how to play the ukulele!

4) Watch Foreign Films:
Currently I’m giving the Korean Drama/Rom Com Crash Landing On You a try. When I don’t understand a reference or something they do I look it up online and learn more about Korean culture as a result. I may not be well enough to travel right now, but I can still get cultural fixes online!

#BeWell #findpurpose #keepliving

21 reactions 7 comments

Back to school

Stepdaughter has finished ABA and we're done with doing school online. She just simply isn't thriving there. She refuses to do any of the work so they worked with her during the past couple month to prepare her for 7th grade. She went back last Wednesday. So far, so good. She hasn't had any escalations in refusals and seems to like the environment overall. She has accomodations, but We meet with the principal later this week to work out more of her IEP and get some of that in writing. 🤞Hopefully all goes well and she stays on track! 🤞


"What if she can't?"

My stepdaughter, 12 years old, diagnosed on the autism spectrum, ADHD, and Oppositional Defiant Disorder, has been doing our state's online public school the past two years while she has done therapy, in part, in an attempt to help her reintegrate into public in person school. Well, she's as defiant against the online work as she was in person. They have set up a 504 and made accomodations to make the coursework fit into her abilities. She's failing everything because she doesn't do the work. We got an email the other day saying they wanted to set up a zoom meeting to address her lack of engagement with the work and are basically saying they're gonna kick her out of the online school. The plan is to have her in person next year anyway, but her mom is beside herself with frustration. She insists that her daughter is not going to be able to do school at all. Because she refuses to do literally anything she is asked to do. I, like her therapists, disagree with this and think there's a good chance she will do ok at this point based on the progress she has made over the past couple years. But it could go either way. Cuz in all this time, what her triggers are is still elusive. I'm mostly just at a loss and venting. I don't even know what question I'm trying to ask or what question to ask. I'm just so tired of all this...
#Autism #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #ADHD #CheckInWithMe


Tough choices

My wife is waiting to hear back about what day her new job starts. She went for an interview last week and the manager said they were planning to start either April 4 or the following week. But she did get the job. So that's the good thing!

The hard thing is we got a call yesterday from the place where her daughter (high functioning) does her autism therapy and they told us her insurance changed and they don't take it. So either we get her back on the plan she used to be on or services end Friday. The only way to change that is to actually call them, which gives my wife extreme anxiety. She's gonna try because if they can change it back, keeping her at the same place would be easiest routine-wise. But the other side is if we keep her on this new plan, it covers another place in town that does the same type of therapy but they also offer respite care and other services all inclusive that we have to go to outside agencies to get since this other place doesn't have those. So, all told, this might be better for all of us in the longer term. But the current place is getting her ready to return to traditional school. And if she goes to the new place, the easiest thing to do would be keep her in online school cuz, while from a therapy standpoint she is ready to go back to school, from a practical standpoint of socialization and what her individual needs are, she wouldn't do well. She's still struggling to do practically anything independently. There just never seems to be a moment for us to enjoy anything or catch a break... #Autism #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #Insurance #choices



Last year was an absolutely terrible year for my family. My wife was out of work for nearly all of it due to depression and anxiety, leaving me to pretty much figure out how to pay ALL the bills and buy the food and keep things together. We made it... I'd say by the skin of our teeth. She found work, a job that fit with what she needs and her daughter's need for nearly constant supervision (she's high functioning autistic, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and ADHD). But I'm seeing hints of her losing this job she found. Hints of things that lead to her losing the last job she had before this one. And I just don't feel like I can do another year like last year. I haven't had a break or real time to myself in all of this time and I'm at the end of my rope as it is with my own stuff. I work all day and then come home and just work as a caregiver basically. I sometimes just don't feel like I can do it anymore, and tonight is one of those nights. #CheckInWithMe #Autism #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Caregiving #tired #Depression


I’m new here!

Hi, my name is Freehandluketheduke. I’m new to The Mighty and look forward to sharing my story.

#MightyTogether #ADHD #OCD #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #DiabetesType2 #ehlers-DanlosSyndrome


Eating Weird things

My stepdaughter is diagnosed high functioning autistic (also ADHD and ODD). We've had an ongoing issue lately where she is eating the cat food. We leave the dry stuff out, in a certain portion that the vet has said is ok for the cat for the whole day. But my stepdaughter is eating it regularly. As in the whole bowl. We know it's her because the cat will eat some and make it last all day. She always leaves some. A couple months back, it started suddenly being all gone at weird times during the day. So we set up a camera on the cat bowl. On a hunch cuz we've caught my stepdaughter doing it before and now we have multiple videos of her stealing the cat's food. What do we do to stop this? Punishments don't work. Reward for good behavior doesn't work. She literally does whatever she wants and acts like we we are the ones who are the problem because we have the audacity to say anything about it. #Autism #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #PathologicalDemandAvoidanceSyndrome #Caregiving