Abuse

im struggling wit depression and etc im currently in foster care im sepreted from my brothers and my mom is in jail and ive been through drug addiction and sex abuse and etc ive been clean for a month and etc i miss my mother and 4 brothers

So I am kind of in a state of mania but I need help

So Jeantte Mccurdy's book came out recently

And there are these like huge discussions of mother daughter sexual abuse going around

And now my goal is to see my dead mom as a sexual abuser and for me to see myself as a sexual abuse survivor

but I need help doing this

Can someone help dp this for me?!

I don't normally post about my anxiety, but it's been so crazy bad recently I feel a bit like I'm losing my mind. This is not my first rodeo by any means, but it is since I got #Fibromyalgia .
Now my anxiety is causing my fibro to flare up into almost unbearable agony & vice versa. Well, I say unbearable. I suppose it isn't actually bearable. Because it's been going on for a month now. And tonight it's been so bad I'm having suicidal thoughts. Not "oh I wanna kill myself" at least but definitely "oh my god I wish I was dead." I just don't know what the f*** to do now? #Anxiety #Abuse #Trauma

Each day is a new opportunity to learn about yourself.

Today I learned that my Disorganized/Fearful attachment style and my people pleasing are connected. That my trauma driven behaviors are actually the result of my attachment style.

If you are curious and want to know what your style is, there are tons of quizzes online.

I suggest taking one. It changed my perspective and helped me to understand what I need to change. I need to be more trusting and more mindful in my relationships.

Slowly, I am learning what drives my behaviors and the more I know the more I can heal.

#Trauma #PTSD #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #suicideattemptsurvivor #selfharmsurvivor #Healing #learning #attachment

The long goodbye 💜

After 45 years

I thought this breakup would have been easier

I love you, and everything you’ve done for me

But I can’t live with you and your abuse

I hate you and everything you do to me

You are a tease

You let me hope

You make me feel strong enough

To take on the world

Or just do a load of laundry

Then you loosen your grip

And let me free fall

Unapologetically

Without remorse

I know this

I also know that what goes up must come back down

The real questions have no answers

How far the drop?

How hard the impact ?

How long the recovery process?

Will I ever be the same?

Oh God! I have to vomit

Par for the course

So goodbye Prednisone

But stay close

I’m sure we’ll meet again

Even if just for a few days

Please just promise

You’ll take it easy on me 💜

#Luckfupus

What I see before me now in the trauma I have looked into that I experienced in childhood is something genuinely do not want to deal with

But I know I have to

And because its inevitable and I see it as too hard for me to genuinely handle on top of everything else, I've been seeing giving up as a viable option

I don't want to do this work

I don't want to go down this path

I'd rather not bother trying to heal something that will knock the wind out of me and leave me in a state of emotional distress

This is my limit and I cannot face anything else

#Trauma #giveup #Suicide #Childhood #Abuse

How do you break them? Besides therapy. #PTSD #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Thoughts #Trauma

Good Morning 💙
I am new to The Mighty and to this group. I am learning I may be dealing with #CPTSD . I have navigated my marriage falling apart (a 22 year relationship with two young daughters) psychological abuse and some physical and now my husband (legally) has a meth addiction. I got and then lost my dream job along with the people there that had become family. And most recently went through a new relationship and then horrible break up. I'm even embarrassed to say I haven't been able to handle the break up because I'm 48 and it seems ridiculous (that's what my mind says) The way it happened was the most hurtful part and the things that were said to me as well.

I have years of experience with therapy and other wellness techniques. I'm actually known in my friend circles as being someone to go to for Help and also strength. However...my normal techniques to "bring myself back" just don't seem to be working. I did go through about two months of suicidal thoughts since this break up...but I seem to be pulling out of that. I have had extreme anxiety and been managing that with #four square breathing and also small doses of Ativan here and there. I've been caring for my Mom who had open heart surgery in March. I had to move from my home in May and everything I own is in storage. I've been doing therapy a touch...but my daughter is having some huge issues and I've mostly been focusing on her therapy and trying to get her the support she needs.

I'm normally a much better writer and I know these thoughts are disorganized. I guess maybe that's a good indication of the condition of my mind.

I'm reaching out here because I know that the CPTSD symptoms have taken over and it is beyond my ability to manage them.

I do have some support networks. Friends I talk with from time to time (but never want to burden them too much)

I did reach out a few times when I was feeling suicidal but my X boyfriend said I should follow through with my threats. Twice he said I should kill myself. And that I was attention seeking.

I am currently not on a daily maintenance med...formerly on Prozac. Didn't really want to take that route but not sure if I need to now.

I do try to do some things for myself. I have had training in Sound Healing...with an amazing teacher. Using drumming to manage symptoms. Deep breathing...relaxation techniques etc. I love it and promote it everywhere...hosted a few events myself etc.

I can't seem to go anywhere without these extra thoughts. Intrusive, rude thoughts. They won't leave me alone. And I've about had it with them.

I'm hoping to learn from others here about some CPTSD treatments that have worked for them and also more about it in general.

Thank you for listening 🙏💜

The reality, with the severity of the trauma I experienced, is a life that will mostly be of pain, suicidality, and immense struggle

I will have more bad days and bad moments than days where I will feel in control

If I live a long life, it will be a mostly miserable one

It's better to live a short life that is with happy moments than a long miserable one

If I was ever diagnosed with an incurable disease, it would honestly be for the best

People with my kind of trauma can't live healthy fulfilling lives...

#Suicide #Trauma #Abuse #mentalillnes #Childhood