Abuse

I wrote this poem a while back for a scholarship I was awarded in 2023 I just wanted to share it with everyone...the person I wrote about in this poem died that same year.

Diamond tear drops,

Glisten in the moonlight,

Smearing her mascaraed green eyes,

Dusted in black and blues,

Baby did I make you mad?

No air escapes her merlot stained bloody cracked lips,

Rose petals,

Bleed out a fine blue lifeline,

A master piece of a shot,

Baby what have you done?

She lays cold and grey on the kitchen floor,

Floating away,

Baby will you miss me?

She’s aiming for the stars,

Never to look back.

#Poem #PTSD #Abuse

Hi, my name is mailles. I'm looking for people to talk to about dysfunctional families and emotional abuse plus how to cope with it when I'm having to live there for financial reasons

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #AutismSpectrumDisorder #ADHD

Hi, my name is mailles. I'm looking for people to talk to about dysfunctional families and emotional abuse plus how to cope with it when I'm having to live there for financial reasons

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #AutismSpectrumDisorder #ADHD

Night after night, morning after morning, I wake up silently telling someone to leave me alone or go away. Or wake feeling frightened by the nasty man. I used to have nightmares - people trying to get in through the door or window - me desperately pushing against the barrier, struggling to keep them out. Then there's half-formed memories of darkened rooms, wandering hands, men and boys invading my personal space. I know that as a teen and adult I was sexually abused many times by different boys and men. But was I abused as I child? I think that I was, but I don't know that I was. And that is it's own mental torture in itself. I am obssessed with knowing and with not knowing. Desperately seeking clarity, yet fearing it. There are constant triggers too and the anger this brings. Hearing of sexual abuse in the media, in books, tv, dramas, the news or, more recently, disclosures from those close to me, makes me furious, sad, disgusted in the extreme. I want to protect others from those monsters but don't know how. I can't even protect myself. So I cry, I rage. I feel angry, desperate even suicidal at times. Yet I carry on. I put on a brave face, or a mask as I prefer to call it, and go through each new day pushing the fear and resentment down so that I can be there for myself and for others. Because I know that I am loved and that I need that love. I also need to love others with a love that is pure and selfless and true. Maybe that will keep the monsters away if only for a while.

ALONE

FAINTING

HEAL YOURSELF

GAIN STRENGTH IN BEING ALONE

NOURISH

BODY AND SOUL

HOW DO YOU STOP PRAYING FOR DEATH

ITS JUST LONELINESS OR ABUSE

GRATITUDE

BLESS THE DAY

THANK FOR WHAT WE HAVE

THANK FOR WHAT WE HAD

HOLD ON TO IT

BE SAFE

GAIN STRENGTH

REMEMBER THE WISDOM OF THOSE BEFORE YOU

EVEN IF THEY WERE KILLED

THEY LIVED

THEY LOVED

WELL

SO DO SO

AND THANK

EVEN WHEN YOU'RE BEING ABUSED

IT MAKES YOU STRONGER

YOU HAVE SHELTER

YOU HAVE PEOPLE

YOU JUST LOST SOME

STRENGTH

LOVE

ALONE

IN ONE PLACE

FOREVER

YOUR TOMB

YOUR GRAVE

THEY VISIT

THEY SEE WITHOUT SEEING

ITS WARM WHEN THEY RETURN

SOMETIMES IT NOURISHES

SOMETIMES IT SUFFOCATES

YOU LIVE ON

TO LOSE OR GAIN

WHAT'S THE DEFINITION OF PAIN

A CHEATING HUSBAND

A DEAD MOTHER

A FAMILY MEMBER DISABLED

HURTING SOMEONE

A FAMILY MEMBER ALONE

LOSS OF COMMUNITY

MISTRUST LIES BLAME

TRUST

OPENNESS

VULNERABILITY

INNOCENCE IN DEATH

EVEN WHEN LIFE IS LIVED

AND ITS WISDOM EARNED

I DON'T KNOW

JUST GIVE TIL YOU CAN'T

ITS NEVER TOO HARD IS IT

SHELTER

BE WARM

THOUGH COLD NUMBS THE PAIN

AND LONLINESS

OF A SLEEPING BAG ON THE LAWN

SOMETIMES

JUST WHEN HE RESCUES OTHERS

OR MORE PROPERLY

A WALK IN THE STORM

SO YOU GET HOME

N APPRECIATE THE 4 WALLS THAT HOLD YOU IN

THANK YOU

Here at the emotional abuse survivors group, you can vent all your pain, frustration, and anger—just try to keep the posts clean, no swearing! I’ll hit you back within 48 hours with ways to help deal with all that anger. You’re not alone, and we’ve got your back here! 💛💪 #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Bipolar #PTSD

Honestly, yeah, sometimes it feels like everything just hits all at once, and crying is the only way to let it out. If you're feeling that way, you’re not alone, and it’s okay to feel like that. You can always reach out to the Emotional Abuse Survivors group and share what you’re going through. They’re really supportive, and you’ll get a response within 24-48 hours. You’ve got this! 💛 #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #Bipolar

Today adventure: taxes
He called to let me know that my kid, with ADHD and 21ys old, didn't have his T4.
As always his voice is above the normal level. I told him that his son informed about that today (the day of the call).
I went through a lot of neglected letters on the table, created a folder and placed in a drawer in the living room. He called last night, I told I was going to call our son-i was not home, he said it was too late, and why would I stress him?
Why? Why? And he yelled, told how I am bad with papers, I was not guiding and helping our son. Everything with his voice of thunder.
Today (the day after) I woke up and remind my son to call the company where he worked. Slowly, I was prompting him to take the steps and solve the problem.
My son then called him to let him know he didn't get a copy yet. And that's the scene: he in the other side yelling at him, offending him because of the *#$@ T4.
My son, who has anxiety, depression, Autism and ADHD taking all that shit. Completely out of line! While I was talking to him, I saw some papers on his desk: found the T4 behind a Chinese food menu.
His father, still barking on him! I told my son I found the paper, got the guilty (said I missed it), because he was going to yellow at both of us anyway.
My son told me "I wish I were normal". Fucking ex, why does he have to treat the kids like that? Why?
I send the paper and wrote a note about my son's comment. He said I "baby" him too much. He treats him like an adult, like his father did when he was young.
I asked: "did you had an EA all your school life to support you? Have you ever walked on his shoes?
#Abuse #Parenting #AutismSpectrumDisorder #ADHD