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Truth

I didn’t always believe this. It’s only in these last 5 years or so that I found it to be true. My innocence was stolen from me when I was very young. I was just 4 when the abuse started at the hands of my own mom. I quickly learned the world was a painful and untrusting place. I withdrew. I hid. I was scared, easy to tears and easy to anger. My defense. I know now that there is good in this world. God DOES care about me. Abuse is never, ever okay. But everyone is not out to harm me. There is good. There IS. I choose to believe truth.
#childhoodabusesurvivor
#christian
#cptsd
#i’mhealing
#incestsurvivor
#majordepressivedisorder
#mentalabuse
#ocd
#rapesurvivors
#selfharmrecovery
#suicidesurvivor

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A Journey of Resilience and Strength"

At 16, I felt like I didn’t belong, like the world was too heavy, and I couldn’t find my place. I struggled with loneliness, pain, and thoughts of giving up. There was a time when I even thought the only way to end the pain was to end it all. But through the darkest moments, something inside me wouldn’t let go. I made it through, and here I am today – not because it was easy, but because I refused to let my story be defined by that moment.

I became a teen mom at 17, and though it wasn’t part of my plan, it made me stronger. I’ve faced so much: growing up without a mother, having a father who wasn’t there, and dealing with abuse. But those experiences, as painful as they were, shaped me into who I am today. I’ve learned to fight for myself and my kids. I’ve learned that even when the world seems to fall apart, there’s always hope.

I’m sharing this because I know there are others out there who feel like they don’t belong, who are struggling in silence. You are not alone. It’s okay to struggle, but never forget that your story isn’t over. No matter how dark it feels, there’s always light waiting for you.

If you’re reading this and struggling, I see you. I’ve been there, and I promise, you have the strength to rise again.

#strengthinstruggle #resilience #overcomingobstacles #survivor #empowered #nevergiveup

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Controlling Parents

Hello,

I’ve been going through an incredibly challenging and painful time with my family. I'm 24 years old, and my family has always had control over every aspect of my life, especially when it comes to my relationship. They don't approve of me being in a relationship with my boyfriend, and it's caused a lot of tension and emotional strain.

It all started when I began a relationship with my boyfriend, who lives abroad in my family’s home country. My family, particularly my father, was very against it from the beginning. They tried to manipulate me emotionally and psychologically, telling me that they knew what was best for me and that I should always listen to them. My father physically and emotionally abused me during this time, and there were many instances where I felt trapped in my own home. They would force me into rooms and speak for hours about how my boyfriend wasn’t the right one for me, saying that I should always listen to my family and that they knew when the "right time" to fall in love was.

As the situation worsened, I was not allowed to leave the house without fear of being monitored. They put cameras in the house and would listen in on my conversations. If I ever went outside to talk to my boyfriend, my sister would follow me and eavesdrop on everything I said, taking screenshots of my messages and invading my privacy in ways that made me feel suffocated and trapped. My sister would take my phone and throw it on the floor saying I had a time limit of 5 minutes with him and starting screaming at me, alongside my mother and father. When I tried to seek help, I called the police, but the police officer who arrived seemed to know my father personally and dismissed my situation, saying there was no evidence of abuse, even though I had a huge bruise on my arm. He stated he knew many families from my culture that were "tough on their kids" and proceeded to foolishly say that if I was not a minor he would have just sent me back home. I explained how they invaded my privacy and how they took both my passports, legal government documents, and he said that they had the right to do so. He even told the other officer with him that I was lying and that my story didn't seem credible.

When I entered into this relationship my father became physically violent. He almost punched me in the face during an argument when I suggested the first time that I wanted to go see my boyfriend alone. I was terrified, and it made me want to leave even more. I decided to fight to go abroad and be with my boyfriend because the abuse and constant surveillance from my family had become unbearable. My family tried everything to stop me from going. They didn’t allow me to make my own bank account, took away the money I earned (I work part-time with my father in his business), and even tried to stop me from seeing him by using emotional blackmail. They would guilt-trip me by saying I was ruining their reputation and making them look bad by having a boyfriend and “going to see a man.”

At one point, my father even threatened my boyfriend, calling him a "pig" and a "pervert," and told him that he was no longer allowed to see me. They would use money as a way to control me—when I tried to get a bank account for myself, they refused, telling me that I couldn’t access my own money or even know my own financial information (Eventually I made my own account) They also manipulated me into feeling guilty for having a relationship and threatened to cut me off financially, which they eventually did, forcing me to get a student loan just to be able to finish university.

The situation only escalated from there. My family continued to undermine my relationship, and my father even hired a private investigator to take photos of my boyfriend and me when we were out together. The investigator was at the airport when I had arrived after months of fighting to see my boyfriend again and took pictures of us while we were kissing and sent it to my father. They spread lies about my boyfriend, saying he was a womanizer and trying to make me believe that he wasn’t trustworthy. My sister also started a group chat with my aunts, giving them reports about me and constantly criticizing my boyfriend. She even threatened to call immigration on him, despite him discussing with me that it would be best for us to move to the US for work reasons but he is not saying we have to do that. She and my mom would team up together and continuously call my boyfriend, threatening him, insulting him, and making him feel like he wasn't worthy of being with me. It reached the point where my father called him telling him to leave me and even tried to convince my boyfriend that I suffered from anorexia and health issues.

The worst part came when I found out that my family had hired a private investigator to spy on us. They had been following us around, taking photos of us while we were out in public, and gathering information about our relationship. My older sister had screenshots of my intimate messages and sent them to my parents. My sister is 34 years old and I didn’t expect this type of behavior from her. This made me feel humiliated and violated, knowing that they had gone to such extremes to try and control my life. It made me question how far they would go to tear my relationship apart and make me feel guilty for being with someone they didn’t approve of.

After months of emotional and physical abuse, I decided to leave and go abroad to be with my boyfriend. But my family made it difficult for me. They insisted on canceling my plane ticket, cutting me off financially, and even threatening me with guilt and shame to try and force me to come back home. They even imposed a curfew on me, demanding that I return home by a certain time, and constantly checking on me when I went out. My family went as far as to accuse my boyfriend of being a "bad influence," calling him a "pig" and a "pervert," which made me feel humiliated and trapped. They had given me a credit card and had blocked it when I arrived abroad to punish me.

My aunts were also heavily involved in monitoring my movements. They showed up uninvited to the apartment where I was staying with my boyfriend, often spying on us. One aunt even came into the apartment without my consent early in the morning and started checking rooms to see if he slept over, which infuriated me and made me feel like I had no privacy. They were using this as a way to gather information on my relationship and control my every action. These aunts were close to me, and I felt betrayed by their constant intrusion into my personal life.

Eventually, I came back home, but the situation didn’t improve. They still controlled my every move, trying to manipulate me by withholding money and information, and even threatening to cut me off completely. They told me that if I stayed with my boyfriend, and decided to frequently visit him throughout the year, I would never be accepted into the family and that I would have to choose between them and him. This was especially difficult because I am the youngest in my family, and they used financial dependency as a way to control me.

I’m struggling with guilt, and it’s hard to accept that my family can’t accept me for who I am or support my choices. Now, I’m living with my boyfriend, and I’ve been trying to make a life with him, but the financial struggles and emotional turmoil are taking a toll. I’ve been trying to go abroad every two months, but I’m struggling to afford it because my family cut me off financially, and my boyfriend can’t support me alone. I feel torn because I want to go back for Easter, but I also don’t know if it’s worth it, considering the stress and manipulation I would face. I am doing university virtually, all my classes online, and it wouldn't be necessary for me to go back now but I always hope my family changes and I don't have any more money to spend. Should I go back for Easter or remain here?

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First vacation post divorce #PostDivorce #Divorce #Survivor #NarcissisticAbuse

Well I'm sitting at the airport waiting to catch my first plane to DFW then onto Alaska!! I realized this week that this is my first vacation without my ex. We were together 26 years so as much as this is exciting, I am also feeling sad. I am deep into the trauma bond still even though I have been divorced for 7 months now. I know it takes time to heal and mourn the loss of my marriage, but you would think that after all he put me through, the emotional, verbal, financial, and in the end the physical abuse I wouldnt even care. It takes time to mend a broken heart. The thoughts of why I wasn't ever good enough, and only if I stayed longer he might of changed, but once he put his hands around my neck and choked me to the floor in front of our daughter I knew it was over. I also am very aware that if I stayed any longer I might not be here today.
I made the right choices to leave but man, moving on is hard. I still have contact with him and I still see him every week when I come back to the house to do laundry, see my kids, and see my little Yorkie pup that he bought me hoping that I might just stay. I traumatize myself every week over and over again. He even drove me to the airport this morning.
I know that what I am doing is prolonging moving on, but right now I guess I still like the pain. Again, it's the trauma bond I have with him.
I won't beat myself up for my choices, as this is a process that I am going through. It's a beautiful journey of self discovery and self-awareness. I am still grieving a huge loss but at the same time I am learning who I am.
One step at a time!

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I'm new here!

Hi, my name is UppedFlounder56. I'm here because I'm deeply scarred. My wounds are invisible, caused by a lifetime of CPTSD through neglect and verbal abuse. I feel insignificant. I've been trying to heal and have opened up to my family and close friends. All of them dismissed, minimized, weaponized, and invalidated my experience. I do have my partner, who is very kind but he does not know what to say to help me. I am looking for a deep connection with others who can sit with the pain.

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #ADHD

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I'm Struggling, Not Broken: What I Wish People Wouldn't Say To Me

Words Not To Say To The Ones Struggling

Content warning: This piece discusses emotional abuse, invalidation, and harmful language.

I am not a licensed therapist or a journalist. I’m just someone who has lived through trauma, been on the receiving end of these words, and knows how deeply they can cut. My hope in writing this is not to condemn everyone who’s ever said something wrong, but to shed light on how easily well-meaning words can turn into lasting scars, and to help us all do better.

Before I begin, I want to preface this by saying, I’m not some journalist who’s done a bunch of research on this topic. I’m not someone who knows a few people who’ve been through similar things, yada yada. I’m someone who’s lived through this. I’ve heard these things firsthand and know how awful words can be.

Just because words can hurt you doesn’t mean you’re sensitive, and just because you’re sensitive doesn’t mean you’re weaker than someone who doesn’t flinch. Those people who never flinch? I’d hate to be them.

“Other People Have It Worse.”

A phrase I’ve written poems about. A phrase said by the abused and the abuser, the mistreated and the ones who mistreat. As if pain can be compared. As if suffering has a scoreboard.

These five words? They’re like throwing acid on a burn victim.

I bet some of you have even had your pain compared to world hunger, terrorism, or human trafficking. You know… like that’s helpful.

But a battle is a battle.

Wounds of any size or shape still bleed.

We were each given our own eyes to see this world and our own minds to process what we’re seeing. Imagine going through life believing your problems are too small to matter, that no one will care. That belief alone can break a person.

“Are You Just Going to Keep Playing the Victim?”

This one hit me hard. It’s one of the ones I heard the most growing up.

As if being a victim is some role you chose in a movie. As if you can just rip the pages of misery out of your book like they never happened.

The people who use this phrase? They’re either hardened by their own battles, raised without empathy, or they’re the ones out there creating victims.

Even as a joke, these words hurt. Be careful what you say.

Being a victim isn’t a choice. But here’s something beautiful, if you’re like me, and you were a victim… notice that? I said were. Because “victim” is not your name. It’s not your identity. It’s a skin you can shed.

Think of it as a cocoon. And yeah, technically a few types of insects come out of those, but for the sake of this article? Let’s go with butterfly.

“It Could Be Worse.”

I’ll keep this one short. It’s a cousin to the first phrase, and just as harmful. It’s another way of telling someone, “Your pain doesn’t matter enough.”

Once again, it’s judgment from the outside with zero understanding of what’s going on inside. What might be nothing to you could be everything to someone else.

“We All Have Problems.”

Sure, we do. Every single one of us.

And some people’s problem is refusing to admit that everyone’s pain is valid.

Feelings aren’t measured in units. They’re part of being human.

It doesn’t matter your gender, race, background, or story, pain is still pain. And no two problems are alike. So stop pretending they’re supposed to be.

“Everything Happens for a Reason.”

Another classic. You’ve heard it. I’ve heard it. I even centered another piece of writing around this one.

Here’s my truth:

No, not everything happens for a reason. But that doesn’t mean we can’t make one.

There’s no reason your mom had to die of cancer. No reason you got into that accident. No reason you lost your job.

But you’re here. And you can take that pain and create reason.

You can give the meaningless meaning.

There was no good reason for the abuse I endured, but I’ve used it. As fuel. As drive. As something that now powers the words I write for people like me… and maybe like you.

Because someday? Just maybe? We’ll be so educated, so connected, so aware, that things like this won’t happen anymore. And if not, well… I’ll keep writing. I’ll keep speaking. I’ll do my part to make sure there’s media out there for the ones who need it.

“You Just Need to Stay Positive.”

People out here really acting like moods are optional.

Like you can wake up and choose them like you choose your socks.

Yeah, sure. Try telling someone with depression to just “stay positive.”

Try telling someone who lost their mom, got dumped, or can’t get out of bed.

It might be said with good intentions, but it still invalidates.

And yeah, I’m sarcastic about this one. Not sorry. Sometimes sarcasm is all you’ve got when people are trying to slap a smiley face over your grief.

“Man Up.”

Another phrase that gets sarcasm instead of wisdom.

As if being a “man” is the standard for strength and emotional resilience.

This phrase isn’t just sexist, it’s toxic for everyone.

It shames men for feeling. It tells women their softness makes them weak. It erases nonbinary people entirely. I’ve heard this phrase my whole life. And only recently have I begun to unlearn it.

Now? I feel things. And I’m proud of that.

“This Will Pass.” (When Said Right)

This one’s not inherently bad. In fact, it can be comforting, if you say it the right way.

If someone’s going through a tough season, don’t just throw out “This will pass” like a dismissive shrug. Add the humanity to it.

Say something like:

“I know what you’re feeling. I know it hurts, and I know how overwhelming it is. But this pain? It’s temporary. It won’t last forever. You’ll get through it, and I’ll be here if you need someone to walk with you.”

That’s how you use words. Not as a patch, but as a hand to hold.

Final Thoughts

The point of this article wasn’t to list every harmful phrase in existence. It was to offer enough examples that if you’re someone who’s struggling, or has struggled, you’ll recognize that the things you’ve been told aren’t your truth.

And if you’re someone who struggles with empathy? Maybe you’re not reading this.

But if you are, maybe it means you want to do better.

So do it.

Words aren’t just words.

They’re how we express what we feel, and how we show others what they mean to us.

Use them wisely. Use them kindly.

And above all, use them to heal.

#MentalHealth #Grief

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I’ve been thinking since my last post about how I cannot be the only individual who’s either gone through, currently going through or will go through the abuse of the mental healthcare system. Especially in my home state, where the physiatrist has other patients whom I’m assuming she’s treating as poorly as she did me.

So I let my fingers do some walking and discovered that I can anonymously report mental abuse. I feel like if I don’t report what happened to me I’m allowing the cycle to continue, where people are allowed to prey upon those who need help the most.

So yes, I’ll be composing an email to report both the nurse for falsely reporting a wellness check as well as the phyciatrist for the laundry list of poor behavior. I’m strong enough with my mental health to know this is an awful abuse of power. Let’s hope some good comes and karma comes calling.

#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Depression #MajorDepressiveDisorder

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Will sharing my abuse infull to someone, help me with flashbacks and hallucinations?

I have been suffering very badly with nightly hallucinations of my abuser (he always looks as he did when I was 7 years old). I see him behind me in reflective surfaces like windows and mirrors at night (so have covered all these up) and when I see him, he can appear from behind doors, pop up behind me or sometimes I feel as though I have his hand on my shoulder or he is behind me. Every night is like a horror movie - with jump scares and a continued sense of foreboding.

Has anyone else suffered with these symptoms and if so, how have you coped?

I have found that they lead to intense flashbacks, where I black out and fall or I try to find a corner to hide in. When I come too and aware, I feel like a child for the rest of the evening, so it has led to insomnia and a fear of closing my eyes.

I have been waiting on a therapists list for over 12 months now and have just been told I have another 3-6 months to go before a therapist will become available.

I haven't had the opportunity to share my past in full with anyone and was wondering if this would help exercise the demons of constantly seeing him, every night?

If anyone has had a similar experience or can offer me any guidance on how to cope with these symptoms for the next 3-6 months, I would be forever grateful.

Sending thoughts of love and hope to you all xx

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Will explaining my abuse in full to someone help me to deal with the trauma?

I have been suffering very badly with nightly hallucinations of my abuser (he always looks as he did when I was 7 years old). I see him behind me in reflective surfaces like windows and mirrors at night (so have covered all these up) and when I see him, he can appear from behind doors, pop up behind me or sometimes I feel as though I have his hand on my shoulder or he is behind me. Every night is like a horror movie - with jump scares and a continued sense of foreboding.

Has anyone else suffered with these symptoms and if so, how have you coped?

I have found that they lead to intense flashbacks, where I black out and fall or I try to find a corner to hide in. When I come too and aware, I feel like a child for the rest of the evening, so it has led to insomnia and a fear of closing my eyes.

I have been waiting on a therapists list for over 12 months now and have just been told I have another 3-6 months to go before a therapist will become available.

I haven't had the opportunity to share my past in full with anyone and was wondering if this would help exercise the demons of constantly seeing him, every night?

If anyone has had a similar experience or can offer me any guidance on how to cope with these symptoms for the next 3-6 months, I would be forever grateful.

Sending thoughts of love and hope to you all xx

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