Not officially diagnosed but plan to later this week, talk to a counselor in regards to whether or not I may have PTSD.
The problem with this, is that on top of GAD and major depressive disorder, I already feel overwhelmingly out of control of my emotions, thoughts and actions.
I have nightmares where I have woken up screaming, flailing, and terrified that I didn't recognize my own bedroom. My (super supportive and loving) boyfriend has had black eyes, bumps and bruises to prove this over the last 2 years.
I am so scared that even with a diagnosis, there is nothing I can do to help me put these experiences behind me. I am terrified that this is simply one more thing I'll be given pills for, and that I can't escape my past experiences.
I have seen counselors before, explained my past experiences, and the effects they have had on me. I often get VERY LITTLE help from these counselors regarding any of the issues we talk about.
No amount of pills, counselors, psychiatrists, or talking has helped me over the last 16 years.
I feel hopeless, alone, constantly terrified of falling asleep, afraid of being around any stranger that looks at me, is bigger than me or looks threatening in any way shape or form. I feel like there is no solution. That there will never be a solution. I feel like I'm stretching myself so thin just attempting to reach out for help, when I'm not even confident that help is within reach.
Has anyone else felt like this? I no longer know what to do, because no one will give me an answer. I get a lot of "I'm sorry that happened to you" and a lot of prescriptions, but pills don't fix the past..
#PTSD #GAD #Depression #hopelessness #Trapped #help #terrified #overwhelmed #PillsCantFixThis