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#feelingundertheweather #anxious #tired #overwhelmed
My mom disapproves of my partner. My partner and I's relationship started as a sexual one. Whenever there is a hiccup or an argument between I open up to her about it and she tells me her point of view about the situation. Yes, I know the things I've opened up to my mom about our relationship are not okay and I apologized to him for everything. My mom is very protective of me, she does not want to see me get hurt, which I do get. She was very nice and welcoming to him, but when I told her about our relationship and the things that he was doing to hurt me her perspective of him changed drastically. She thinks that he is using me for sex and that he is not being intentional with what he wants. When I asked him if he was using me for sex, he said no, it's not about the sex. So, now, I don't know how to fix the problem between the two of them. I mean I love my mom so much and I don't want our relationship as mother and daughter to end, but then I love my partner, even though we may not be right for each other. I've asked him so many times if he would want me to talk to my mom and tell her how I feel about him, and he would say, no, it's okay you don't have to, I don't want you guys to have any confrontation, so I just left it alone. So, idk what else to do and I don't want him to feel that I am stringing him along, because I'm not. I told him time and time again if he feels the need that he can't take it anymore he is obligated to leave, I'm not going to hold him back from finding his happiness. Recently, we had a conversation and he said to me he wants us to be in a relationship, I had to pause for a minute to reflect and think about whether I am going into this relationship because of the desperation of wanting to be in love, or if I am going into this relationship with pure intentions and I do sometimes be thinking the same questions for him as well, because when I saw his message saying, “Let's start planning life and sex.”Immediately in my mind, I wanted to say, “I know that we both love each other and want to plan/build a life together, but I don’t want to hop into a relationship blindly because of the sexual chemistry we have. I want a relationship that is genuine and pure.” I never told him this, but it was something I wanted to write down to eventually tell it to him. While I took a step back and analyzed everything that had been going on, one thought came to mind, and it was that one night when we were on FaceTime with each other. It was a couple of weeks after when we had lost our precious angel. We were on the phone talking, he wanted to go downstairs for something, I was still on the phone with him, he sat down at the dining table with his big brother, they were talking about something, then one thing led to another, he asked me how far along was I in the pregnancy, I told him I was 5 weeks and 2 days pregnant, he turned to his brother and said, “Man, she’ll be looking after that baby by her dam self.” I said to myself, wow, did he just say that? And on top of that was laughing about it too. So, I played it off as if I didn’t hear what he just said, I didn’t bring it up to him because I didn’t want any confrontation with him. I was like you think you’re funny, saying that and laughing about it. You don’t understand the trauma, heartbreak, and pain I’ve been through. I don’t know how I should feel about this, to be honest.
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