overwhelmed

Today is a bit of a struggle. Not sure if its the #Depression or just feeling #overwhelmed or what, but I can not focus on anything for more than a few minutes. How do you get back your focus so you get work done? I end up tying to get small tasks done to get them off my mind but then I feel like I'm just postponing the other stuff.

And then there's the new puppy, which I don't think is helping matters at the moment. He's helping give me hope and something to look forward to, something that is supposed to be positive but right now he getting on every last nerve possible and then some. I know he's just being himself and learning everything but its so frustrating and distracting.

This is my first time posting here. I'll just rant it off like i donin my journal....
I missed an entire semester because of severe depression, that was followed by a month of winter break alone at home (my parents were there, that doesn't count). Now that I'm back at college, i feel so useless, I'm not even able to submit my assignments or understand anything they teach in class. I keep staying over at my friend's place because I'm scared to go back to my dorm. Every time i look at my desk there I'm reminded of all the things that are due, all the things i was supposed to be done with last week. I know all i need is time, everyone keeps telling me to take time. But i still can't help and not be overwhelmed. I wake up, look at myself in the mirror and get this sudden urge to cry (scream my head off). Even now I'm at my friend's room, i have already cancelled two Ubers and I'm not able to get myself to go back to my dorm. 2 anxiety attacks in between classes later I'm too scared to even go back to class.
#scared #overwhelmed #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

Hi Zebras!

Happy New Year. I hope you are all as well as possible!

Our EDS makes it seem like life is NOT structured in our societies for our needs & issues, and everyday living is just harder or not an option-we live differently due to necessity.

I want to share some kernals of wisdom I just got from my latest therapy session, in case it brings you relief too.

I have had a very challenging few months of poor health with little respite(subluxations, POTS, gastric issues, depression & anxiety). It wore my resiliency down, and I’m very quick to cry and wallow at the slightest little failure in a day.

It’s like my bucket is full from dealing with all my hEDS crap (pain, weird body reactions, isolation, loss of employment, lack of social life, less sex) that any extra droplet of hEDS stuff overflows my bucket and the ugly snot crying happens. Crying can be good-great release of tension & grief, but when it’s uncontrolable and many times per week, you feel downright depleted & hopeless. One such droplet was trying KT tape again, then remembering my extra velvety skin means it doesn’t adhere, or it harms my skin, so NOT a tool I can use. Sent me into heaving fits of tears as it was my solution for keeping my knee & ankle stable so I could SLEEP!

While there is PLENTY that completely ruins our lives with this condition, we must put our energy & focus to work FOR us, not let it drag us deeper into depression.

First & foremost, we need to care for ourselves. We need to love, nurture, care, be kind, be gentle and nourish ourselves. Ask what you can do RIGHT NOW, this hour, or today to lift your spirits, restore your energy, lighten your burden, etc. and do it FIRST. Like on an airplane, put your mask on first so you can help others with theirs. Self-care will give us the energy restoration we require to do what MUST be done.

After re-energizing, prioritize your list of MUSTS. What absolutely cannot wait? That is numero uno. Then decide if there is a stripped down version of the task that MUST be done. For example, if dishes need doing, (after self-care), can you handle the ones you will need next, or rinse everything for washing later, or load a few into dishwasher(if you have)? Some things may need to be put on back burner-prioritize & choose to address the most important only. Do ONLY what is possible.

Next, we watch & attune to feelings of being overwhelmed. This is a cue to tell us we are thinking too far into the future. Some thoughts/ examples could be what job can I possible keep & do with my disabilities? How can I do this for years & decades? Will it ever be better? Will I always be in pain? Will it get worse? Statements invilving “never” and “always” are also good flags to notice when getting overburdened. Check in with your thoughts: are you thinking beyond today? It’s too far in future & may bectoo big. Are you thinking beyond this hour? Sonetimes that is too far. I KNOW I can handle the next hour, or an hour at a time, so hourly check works best for me.

If we can recognize this is a waste of energy & harms vs. helps we can choose differently. Taking on all a life with EDS is, is too much for me to fathom. That’s like trying to eat a whole elephant in one sitting. Chunk it out instead. Cancel the thought train to worry and instead ask what do I need today? How can today be the best of the day it is? Right now that is too big for me to digest, so we chunk smaller. What this hour do I NEED? What this hour can I choose mindfully to do for my well-being/life?

I’m struggling with career identity. What CAN I consistently do that generates income? Again, given my current energy status, this is too big right now. I must table this productive thought, and focus on my first priority-restoring energy via self-care. This is the best use of my time this hour/today.

In truth, even able bodied folks can really only tackle today. Do only today, not the future, and do what you NEED for you. Be very nurturing, so loving, kind and gentle with yourself. Energy first, then tasks. Chunk out in smaller bits to manage.

I hope this transmutation from future doom & gloom to mindful focus of energy helps you. It brought me peace to focus on what I CAN do vs. can’t, and to throw out self-pity in exchange for blessing my current hour/day instead.

May you be well, happy, and peaceful.

Gentle hugs!

#HEDS , #overwhelmed , #ican

#ChronicFatigue #Fatigue #fibromyalgiafatigue #exhaustion

So on a personal note we flew high accomplished many things sent love out in many directions only to land on the couch and that’s IT. #crash #Drained #nap

What IT all means is while we feel like we are getting better trying to do the things we use to do or remembering things that we could have done before diagnosis. We find ourselves in the cycle of #Updays #Downdays .

This is incredibly frustrating and irritating to say the least. How does one do all the things one is supposed to do when they don’t have enough #Energy and suffer from #ChronicIlless ?

Like seriously we have to be able to get through a week or two without being completely #overwhelmed .

Ok like we have taken on some extra #Stress #Work #MentalHealth and sure some #Caregiving . But common like surly we can still get things done. #DoEverything right?…

Wrong !!!

This is the reminder that we are in this situation because you didn’t look after yourself #rest #Health #Breakes #timeOff #timeout .

That’s right super hero you’re going to have to passé a bit better. Not everyday! Not every hour! Not every minute!

So we are sorry! Please take time to say you are sorry for not looking after You!

See while you would love to help and save the world… You forgot!

You have to save you!

IT is true and the year is ✨2022 IT is true.

Please 🙏 be kind to you.

Please 🙏 look after you.

Please 🙏 take time for you.

There is only one ☝️ you.

Someone out there needs this so this is for U

Bethinking when my biggest concern was that my mom wouldn't buy me the cute outfit I saw at the mall, or that I missed the newest episode of my favorite TV show. Contrastively, it all seems so frivolous and trivial. Now, I have to agonize over things like needing to get a feeding tube, being in the hospital for half of this past year for 2-3 weeks at a time, new diagnosises of incurable chronic disorders, and other things like that. I fret over medication side effects, having no energy and being looked at like it's laziness, not being able to do something as simple as taking a shower or doing laundry. People my age (30) fret about things like followers on social media and getting a raise at work, while I'm contemplating about whether or not to get a DNR and needing to going on disability. I long for the days where all that concerned me was extending my curfew or getting invited to the popular kid's party. They have an actual life, whereas I merely have a miserable existence. One of the hardest things about chronic issues is other people's perception of me. They call me "lucky" because I "get to" stay home instead if work, as if I'm playing a never-ending version of hooky. What they don't realize is how miserable it is to be feeling so sick and not being able to use work as a distraction; they think we should be grateful. It's almost funny how healthy people will go on vacation for a week and at the end, they say they need a "vacation from their vacation", yet they have no empathy for our situation. When they have the flu or something for like, a week, they are miserable by the end. They don't realize we feel sick like that (and then some) with no end in sight. No light at the end of the tunnel. Nobody who doesn't have chronic health problems are capable of understanding what it feels like to have your body attacking itself, with you caught up in the middle; we end up the only casualties in that particularly brutal war against itself. And the vicious cycle of medications that come with side effects, and then you need medications for them, which have side effects, and 'round and 'round it goes. I wish there was a magic solution for it, but there isn't one, and it's making me spiral out of control. People ask me why I don't believe in God; it's because I've begged him to intervene because I can't handle one more problem, but my miracle has yet to happen. I don't know how much more I can take. My mom had to call the paramedics a week ago, and they suspect I had a small stroke for the 2nd time this year, but I signed an AMA (against medical advice) and wouldn't go to the hospital, because if I do, I either end up being admitted and spending God knows how long there, or they find out I have some new problem and I'm at the point where I just don't even want to know if there is something else wrong with me. I was imprisoned in this body, and I just want out. Anywhere, that is where I'm at thus far.

I am so tired of this every night I have talked to our local crisis line she said go back to bed and try to sleep My anxiety is so high right now so I was reading some people's writings they shared and sharing their stories that takes so much courage and really helped me I feel alone all the time like I am different than anyone else and if anyone really knew how my mind tortures us constantly everyone tells us the same thing they don't really know what to say to us to help #just venting #PTSD #Anxiety #overwhelmed