ReasonsToLive

Here’s a picture of one thing I “waited for”- seeing my fave group, Pentatonix, live in concert. I told myself I could go that long. Then my husband was taking me to Vegas for his bowling tournament, but hey, it’s Vegas, I’ve never been. I told myself that after this trip, I don’t have to hold on any longer. I don’t have to stay alive out of guilt.
My chronic #nausea pretty much took over last month, with 2 trips to both Urgent Care facilities, and ER’s. Everything I ate...didn’t stay down. It went away, I thought yay! It’s done.
I’m now in Vegas, and it came back. Been sick for 2 days. Super fun.
I can’t wait to go home and see my kitties. But I’m ready to *really* go home. I’m so tired of feeling like shit everyday. NOTHING has come close to touching my migraines. It’s funny; I thought my bipolar or depression would cause me to want to #killmyself , but it’s the constant pain that I can’t escape.
Any old school Lutherans out here? Do you remember the hymn that starts with “I’m just a stranger here; Heaven is my home....” I’m ready to go home.

4 and half years ago we met I DMed him on Twitter he showed up at my place well let’s be honest we had amazing sex then he vanished for like a year and a half I thought nothing of him when he went away figured I had a great memory and I’ll move on with life

But now it’s 3 years me and him he is the one who texted me how he is back in town and wants to meet up 3 years ago this month he walked back in my life

He knows how hard my life has been with ptsd and bipolar disorder and my toxic family sometimes he doesn’t get why I’m taking my antipsychotics drugs sometimes he wonders how I handle our relationship so well I tell him I talk about us a lot in therapy and what I learn with therapy makes me no want to overreact

But sometimes I’m struggle with a reason for living then sometimes I have a reason to live it’s mostly motivated by knowing he will see me again or he is coming over