Relationships

I fall every fckn time,every trap, every response and I can't even stop myself from defending myself anymore.
Yes my https://patterns.I told him and he did not care, did nothing, https://nothing.Didnt communicate, go to therapy, try or end the relationship. He wants both worlds, https://seperate.He chose to defame me, tell people a one sided version two years after showing he didnt https://care.He was strategic and denies involving his entire side? Before I went on S.S., not after, https://before.And his mind was made up three years https://prior.I know now and I remember all of it.
I have evidence and it is abusive disguised as concern. Blatantly harassing me as if I'd crawl away. Phasing me out like that, bating me, setting me up, laughing at me.Seriously.WTF, who do they think I am? I was raised in abandonment.
I want out, I'm not ungrateful or selfish, at all. I am awake, big difference and to deliberately do this to a woman, is fvkn sick.

It’s 3 months since the accident that severely altered my plans. The accident happened at a cardio exercise class. For reasons no one knows a lady did a baseball slide while she running to me. She knocked my feet out from underneath me, I went up and over her and landed on a hard wood floor.

My right leg suffered multiple fractures and needed extensive bone grafts and nine screws inserted into the leg. I had a great surgeon who put the leg back together but it cost in excess of $10,000 for the treatment. Numerous people suggested I bring legal action against the lady for her reckless actions. I did consider that, but ultimately chose to forgive instead.

Now I am all for self advocacy. And in fact 3 years ago I did bring limited legal action against a hospital that misdiagnosed an injury. Their carelessness meant I was hours away from having a leg amputated and 24 hours away from dying due to sepsis.

A lawyer said I could and should sue the hospital and that a six figure payout would be guaranteed. Ultimately I didn’t sue the hospital. What I wanted to know was how could things go so wrong but more importantly what they would do to ensure it didn’t happen to anyone else.

Their investigation unearthed the fact that my treating doctor made multiple errors and attempted to cover it up be deleting my electronic record and shredding my paper file. For these reasons the doctor was sacked.

Wanting some good to come out of a traumatic experience I told the hospital if they would make a $5000 donation to an orphanage in Indonesia, that I am heavily involved in, I would not bring legal proceedings against them. They made the donation and I moved on.

Forgiveness does NOT mean what happened to us was ok and it does NOT minimise the trauma we experienced. It does mean we choose to forgo our desire for retribution.

I have forgiven the lady whose reckless actions shattered my leg and left me with a painful and slow journey back to health. I went down that path because I didn’t want the exercise classes shut down, they are free for our local community. I chose to forgive so that bitterness didn’t get planted in my heart.

It hasn’t been an easy decision but for me it’s the right one. I don’t want to recover physically but also mentally and emotionally.

Do you find forgiveness easy? I don’t. Yet, it is a great path to walk when we can.

Supporting someone who lives with mental illness can be both deeply loving and profoundly challenging. You may want to help, protect, or fix what they’re experiencing—yet find yourself feeling helpless, exhausted, or unsure of what to say or do. Mental illness does not exist in isolation. It affects relationships, families, children, and entire systems of care.

Research consistently shows that caregivers and loved ones of individuals with mental illness experience increased emotional strain, secondary trauma, and burnout—particularly when support systems are limited (Orford et al., 2013).

Understanding how to support someone in a way that is compassionate, trauma-informed, and sustainable requires more than good intentions.

It requires education, boundaries, patience, and care for yourself as well.

Understand Mental Illness Beyond the Stereotypes

Mental illness is not a character flaw, weakness, or lack of resilience. It is a broad term that includes conditions affecting mood, thinking, behavior, and emotional regulation. Many mental health conditions are influenced by genetics, neurobiology, trauma exposure, and social determinants of health such as poverty, housing instability, and systemic inequities (Public Health Agency of Canada [PHAC], 2022; World Health Organization [WHO], 2023).

Symptoms often fluctuate. Periods of stability may be followed by episodes of distress. This does not mean treatment has failed or that the person is not trying. Mental health recovery is often non-linear and individualized (Mental Health Commission of Canada [MHCC], 2021).

Lead With Empathy, Not Assumptions

Validation and emotional safety are foundational to mental health support.

Trauma-informed research emphasizes that being believed and heard reduces distress and improves engagement in care (SAMHSA, 2014).

Supportive responses include:

*Listening without minimizing or rushing to fix

*Avoiding comparisons to others’ struggles

*Acknowledging feelings even when you don’t fully understand them

Statements such as:

*“That sounds really overwhelming.”

*“I’m glad you trusted me with this.” helps reduce shame and isolation.

Encourage Support—Without Forcing It

While professional treatment can be essential, autonomy and choice are critical. Evidence shows that individuals are more likely to engage in mental health services when they feel respected rather than coerced (WHO, 2023).

Support may include:

*Therapy or psychiatric care

*Medication management, when appropriate

*Peer support or group therapy

*Trauma-informed or culturally responsive services

Offering help with practical barriers—such as navigating systems or attending appointments—can increase access without undermining independence.

Learn the Difference Between Support and Rescue

Family systems research highlights that over-functioning or “rescuing” can unintentionally reinforce dependency and delay recovery (Orford et al., 2013).

Support empowers.
Rescue removes agency.

Helpful questions include:

*“What would feel supportive right now?”

*“How can I be here without taking over?”

This approach preserves dignity while offering care.

Set Healthy Boundaries (Yes, Even With Mental Illness)

Boundaries are a cornerstone of sustainable support. They protect both the person offering care and the person receiving it. Trauma-informed frameworks emphasize that boundaries are necessary for emotional safety—not signs of rejection (SAMHSA, 2014).

Healthy boundaries may include:

*Limiting emotionally overwhelming conversations

*Protecting your own mental health and time

*Saying no to unsafe or harmful behaviors

*Taking space when interactions escalate

You can be compassionate and have limits.

Be Mindful of Language

Language shapes stigma, self-concept, and help-seeking behavior. Research shows that minimizing or dismissive language can worsen symptoms and discourage individuals from seeking care (Corrigan et al., 2014).

Avoid:
“Just think positive.”
“Everyone feels like that.”
“Why can’t you just get over it?”
Instead, use language that validates experience:
“I know this isn’t something you chose.”
“Your experience is real and it matters.”

Know When It’s More Than You Can Handle

There may be moments when someone is in crisis or unable to keep themselves safe. In these situations, involving professional or emergency support is evidence-based and appropriate—not a betrayal (PHAC, 2022).

If there are immediate safety concerns:

*Encourage contacting a mental health professional

*Reach out to crisis services

In Canada, call or text 988 for suicide crisis support

You are allowed to ask for help.

Take Care of Yourself

Caregivers and loved ones of individuals with mental illness are at increased risk of anxiety, depression, and compassion fatigue (Orford et al., 2013). Self-care is not optional—it is protective.

You are allowed to:

*Seek your own therapy or peer support

*Take breaks without justification

*Have needs separate from the person you support

Supporting someone should not require self-abandonment.

A Personal Reflection

Through my work in trauma-informed spaces and child welfare—and through lived experience—I have seen how mental illness impacts entire family systems. I have also seen the harm caused when people are expected to carry more than they should in silence.

Healing happens where compassion meets boundaries, and where support does not come at the cost of one’s own well-being.

Final Thoughts

You cannot cure someone’s mental illness.You cannot carry their healing for them.

But you can offer presence, patience, and respect.

You can support without controlling. You can love without losing yourself

BigmommaJ
#MentalHealth #Awareness #Support

It’s 4am here in Australia. I have been awake for several hours because of relentless pain. 5 days ago I lifted something the wrong way and immediately felt intense pain in my back. This pain coupled with the ongoing leg pain from my post accident surgery has been extremely debilitating.

So I ask you please for prayer support. I am really struggling to make this post and have wrestled with it for a few days. Here in The Mighty I strive to be encouraging and supportive as best I can. I feel a weight of responsibility to uplift people and help them because through my own journey of mental illness I know that many people suffer in silence or don’t have a great support network of other people.

However, at this point of time I can’t be silent because I really seemed to be well on the road of recovery and this feels like a major setback and perhaps more concerning my mind has gone to some pretty dark places.

I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised by the increase in leg pain. A few weeks ago I was doing 300 steps a day, yesterday was 4000. After church on Sunday we are going away to our favourite beach hotel for 4 days. We booked this before the accident knowing that after December and January, two of the busiest months every year, we will need some R and R. Little did we know then how important this break would be.

So, I request your prayers. Just knowing I am not alone at this time would mean the world to me.