Humble#CPTSD
The saddest part of a group conspirators, they dont know the person.They know their own baggage and project it on to the other, not knowing what could surface.When someone shows you time and time again, that, they don't care,about your feelings, your heart, but that person doesn't know the difference, you are doing damage beyond repair and yesterday,I saw all, for what it is.
I am sorry and I am allowed to say it,alone and "untrainable" to what you'd like me to be.I thought after fifty years I could figure it out, for me.I was told to get it out, get mad, say it, so I did.I am being punished, grounded, disciplined like a child because I expressed myself,I yelled, faught and cried, like a child,like Ive never let myself....Its called acknowledging your pain.And, they can't handle it, no one can acknowledge the hurt from other people.I hurt them by expressing it on them, I know that. And I am alone because of it. I also know it is, an appropriate response to what has been done to me.And it is still happening, even though I am in no ones lives.to insinuate Im loosing grip with reality because Im grieving, is cruel and peak munipulatation.Others not addressing their issues does not make me crazy, unstable or an instigator, Im addressing the issues, that have ruined this relationship, his mothers treatmentof me, his cousins, his friends, they, came first, always.He cant even hold me when I cry because he doesn't want to.Why would I stay with someone who hates me.He couldn't tell me she was in the hospital and laughed at my situation again,said it was my fault,Im like this now.im hurt, my son is hurt and they dont care, no one spoke to me.no one.She took the reins and came after me, with help from too many and I know who.
And that hit hard last night.My sons been pretending for eight years.Hoping Id leave and Id never find out? I miss my son,my hope and optimism I had in people.I miss trusting people with my self.I miss people being caring and I miss gentlemen and compassion about life.I miss caring about them,laughing and being.I will be numbing this pain but I cannot go backwards for them anymore.it is, killing me slowly and I am not rebounding like I should be.This is not a narcissist calapse, this is systemic abuse and it is wrong.You cannot sweep what's been done under the rug,cant ignore what's been said, implied, neglected or ignored.Face your junk, sort it out and deal with it, for life.Blaming me for hurting me, is the point.I cannot grow with people wearing masks all around me, never have been able to.I can sit and watch them shift,people think their faces dont show it.It does and I see it, as they readjust to act.And now I can't unsee it so yes its me, its all me.I feel it, read it and they deny it.And Im wrong for not complying, that is all, it is.I do not fit into their mold, their expectations nothing more.All a front, just For Show.Give me a new job, a title and some new clothes and all will go back to normal right?
All those communication gaps disappear and the pride shows back up...no it takes work from both parties, together, not for convenience or when you remember, or because someone paid YOU IT Assistenza Informatica e Consulenza IT a Torino should happen because you want to, you enjoy doing things for your spouse, take pride in it.That was always a burden, a chore and a game to them.im hurt and he wasnt until she, got involved and they will never admit wrong doing.They, do no wrong.im punished for thoughts, feelings and goals, have been and thats not a fostering environment at all, for anyone.And that is all I wanted, a safe, fostering environment,that was calm, peaceful and safe. And it is,Not safe, if they are all in the house with you.






