Relationships

Hello, in online i always feel like that i want to be loved or have a partner or someone that does care to me, i have no idea why but when i try to get a kind one or some relation i always fail and that feeling gets me lonely or that no one loves me or likes me or i am the worst, so yeah i am very bad and i have anxiety when people choose someone else to like not me or they're taken or they get the care they wanted or they basically don't care, i always expect people to treat me well and gentle instead even by advice they just being mean or they put the blame to me, i feel i am a bad person that no one likes

#Anxiety #Advice #Love #MentalHealth

Warning…this is a post about mental illness and suicide. It is also a very real post about where I am right now.

I cannot help but wonder if in this stage of my life, if guilt has any real purpose. I carry guilt over what kind of mother I am, I carry guilt about what kind of daughter I was and now tonight I am carrying a very new kind of guilt. You see, my mom lied to me my whole life. Not just about who my dad was but who my siblings were. I missed out on having a relationship with any of them because of her.

After spending years looking for him, I finally found my brother. The last time I had seen him was at our dad’s funeral. Unfortunately, Chris struggled with some demons. We would spend time on the phone with him telling me that he had been searching for me and that I was his “savior.” However, I allowed his actions and his words to keep me away from him. I allowed the manipulation of his mother to shut him out of my life. Now it all makes sense. My brother and I were clearly cut from the same cloth. We both battled demons known as mental illness. Being mentally unwell is not anything to joke around about or talk about flippantly. It is a very real and very dark place to be. I have spent many nights as of late curled up in a fetal position thinking about how much life would be better for everyone if I was not here and feeling like I had no more fight in me.

Unfortunately after I ended any kind of relationship I was trying to have with him, my brother walked into his shed at his home and took his life. Clearly, he had no fight left in him and sadly, he did not feel like he had a safe place to land. I have been in that shed, metaphorically a million times. That place where the voices won’t stop and where the pain is so real you can feel it physically.

Now I sit here with this new guilt. What if a relationship with me could have been what he needed. What we both needed. What if God had plans to use me to show him who his real Savior was? I failed at both of those tests. I know that I cannot be all things for all people but if I can’t even show up for the people that need me the most, how do I live guilt free?

Thankfully, I have professionals I can talk to, I have medication I take several times a day and I have a whole slew of friends that I have allowed myself to be very vulnerable with. I wish that Chris had had those things.

If you or someone you know is heading to that shed, please reach out or grab their hand and show them they have a safe place

Hi, my name is Gail95. I'm here because my brother is dealing with severe depression and anxiety. I am worried about him and am not always sure when to step back. He is also dealing with a relationship where his ex is in distress and constantly asking my brother for help. I see my brother try to listen to his ex, but my brother is too depressed, he then gets overwhelmed by fear that since he can't help his ex will die. My brother can't stop taking calls from his ex. I want to take my brother's phone, but don't know the best way to help him avoid this person.

#MightyTogether

In relationships, I’ve been told many times that I check off all the boxes (kind, compassionate, family-oriented, loyal, and so on). But the one box they never wanted in their life was chronic illness.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. I feel like the world we live in needs to understand that literally anyone can develop a chronic illness at any point in their life.

For me, my chronic illnesses started showing up in childhood. So, in some ways, I’ve had a lot of time to learn how to cope, adapt, and figure out what life looks like for me and of course I’m still working on it.

But I don’t think people always understand that chronic illness isn’t something that only happens to certain people. Mental health conditions can appear at any point in someone’s life. Accidents happen. Injuries happen. Illnesses happen. Bodies change. Life changes. Someone can wake up one day and suddenly find themselves navigating a reality they never imagined for themselves.

Not all chronic illnesses are the same, but the emotions that come with receiving a diagnosis and knowing it’s lifelong can be surprisingly similar: grief, fear, anger, uncertainty, loneliness, and the feeling that you have somehow become a burden to the people around you.

But you are not a burden.

You and your chronic illness are not baggage.

Your chronic illness is a bouquet you get to carry every day. Sometimes we carry it gracefully. Sometimes our flowers are blooming. Sometimes they’re wilting, and we’re just trying to make it through the day.

And when they wilt, we don’t throw the bouquet away. We refresh the water. We tend to the flowers. We give ourselves the care we need and try again tomorrow.

Your chronic illness does not make you less worthy of love. It does not make you less deserving of a relationship, a career, friendships, adventures, or a beautiful life.

It is a part of your story, but it is not the entirety of who you are.

And maybe, with time, we can stop seeing chronic illness as baggage someone else has to carry and start seeing it for what it really is: a bouquet we’ve learned how to carry.

Sometimes with grace. Sometimes with both hands. Sometimes with a little help from a friend.

But we carry it.

#MentalHealth #Depression #Fibromyalgia #Lupus #Uveitis #Blindness #Glaucoma #ChronicPain #Anxiety #AnkylosingSpondylitis #Arthritis #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #HashimotosThyroiditis