Last night, I got hardly any sleep. I went to bed with a headache and a mindful of racing thoughts. When I woke up on what little sleep I had (still a headache) and finally gave up on being to go back to sleep, I felt fatigued, exhausted, and no motivation to do anything or leave my bed. Depression.
But no. Laying in my bed in the dark would do nothing for me. As I wrestled with myself of the idea of even getting up, I finally made the decision to get up and take a shower. I definitely needed it. I got out feeling clean in comfortable clean clothes. Then I decided I was going to eat something. I’m known for going all day without eating because my stomach is full of knots and I’m often not hungry. But the body needs food for energy so I made myself eat anyhow. String cheese, bite of an apple, 1 of the 2-pack mini breakfast sandwiches.
Just these basic acts of self care had me feeling better than I was in my dark bed-space. I spent quality time with my kids and my husband. I laughed with them, and cried with my husband over the things my mental illness has caused over my husband and family. But our bond strengthened. I allowed my feelings to happen, and reminded myself that they are ok and they are valid (in which I was raised to stuff my feelings; no one wanted to hear it as a child).
Now as I write this, I’m sitting on the couch next to my sweet son watching Uncle Grandpa and feeling grateful for this moment. I love being a mom. My children need a happy and healthy mom.
Today ended up being overall positive so far. I’ve even eaten another snack. And it all started with the small decision to show myself some basic self care, even when I felt I couldn’t, or didn’t want to.
Self care is a small step towards healing. ❤️
#52SmallThings #Depression #Anxiety #Childhoodemotionalneglect #AddictionRecovery #RepressedTrauma #Learningtolovemyself #Selfcare
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