Childhoodemotionalneglect

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Childhood Emotional Neglect

I am learning about childhood emotional neglect and so much of it resonates with me. I wouldn't say I was habitually emotionally abused (although there were definitely moments). More often than not, I was simply ignored. I was expected to entertain myself. Frequently, bids for attention or affection were met with apathy or irritation. As an adult, I now understand that my mother had severe depression and was coping the best she could in a culture that told her to suck it up and shut up. But the neglect has stuck with me... especially the feeling that nothing I ever do is good enough for my parents. I am hoping I can work through some of this and get to a place of making peace with it. #Depression #Childhoodemotionalneglect

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#CPTSD Needs your voice.

It was only in 2018 that I discovered I struggled with CPTSD. Most of my adult life I believed I was reacting to my mother's physical abuse. The idea that childhood emotional neglect is equally--if not more--damaging floored me. Really? Is the thing that I've been fighting my entire adult life actually... invisible?

I have posted here about finding new language for CPTSD as it is so unrecognized that it's near impossible to talk about. So many other "mental illness" conditions spring from Complex PTSD--often developed from longterm childhood impacts. Traumatologist John Briere suggests, "“If the role of dysfunctional parenting in adult psychological disorders was ever fully recognized as CPTSD, The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (used by all mental health professionals) would shrink from a large dictionary to a thin pamphlet.”

Let that sink in for a minute.

Some survivors have suggested they would never talk about it--perhaps because it's too painful, that no one understands anyway or that it's private. I urge you to consider this:

--As a child of the 80s-90s, the LGBTQ community was not largely recognized. Many of these people hid their identities for fear of ridicule, inability for loved ones to understand and accept their reality and the world did not have a language for talking about and recognizing them. We do now.

--Drug and alcohol abuse is an intensely personal and private journey stemming from issues that are not understandable or visible just by looking at the symptoms of addiction. There is an AA meeting in just about, if not every, city in America. There is community, support and a language for sufferers to gather. We need this.

--Cancer is a topic we put on stage--in national fundraisers, community and workplace support groups with physical products and symbols we can wear to show support. This is an intensely private journey that, if you do not have it, you may not be able to full understand. And yet people of all walks of life--with or without the illness--talk about it. We need this.

These are just three examples of how it's possible to turn a neglected, unknown and invisible topic into a world where it's okay to suffer from CPTSD--and still belong, and still feel seen and have the tools to have dialogue that can help you.

I encourage anyone who is on their journey to discovering, working on and healing from Complex PTSD to use your voice for all of us.

#ComplexCPTSD #CPTSD #Childhood #Trauma #Childhoodemotionalneglect #CEN #complexposttraumaticstressdisorder

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#CPTSD Needs your voice.

It was only in 2018 that I discovered I struggled with CPTSD. Most of my adult life I believed I was reacting to my mother's physical abuse. The idea that childhood emotional neglect is equally--if not more--damaging floored me. Really? Is the thing that I've been fighting my entire adult life actually... invisible?

I have posted here about finding new language for CPTSD as it is so unrecognized that it's near impossible to talk about. So many other "mental illness" conditions spring from Complex PTSD--often developed from longterm childhood impacts. Traumatologist John Briere suggests, "“If the role of dysfunctional parenting in adult psychological disorders was ever fully recognized as CPTSD, The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (used by all mental health professionals) would shrink from a large dictionary to a thin pamphlet.”

Let that sink in for a minute.

Some survivors have suggested they would never talk about it--perhaps because it's too painful, that no one understands anyway or that it's private. I urge you to consider this:

--As a child of the 80s-90s, the LGBTQ community was not largely recognized. Many of these people hid their identities for fear of ridicule, inability for loved ones to understand and accept their reality and the world did not have a language for talking about and recognizing them. We do now.

--Drug and alcohol abuse is an intensely personal and private journey stemming from issues that are not understandable or visible just by looking at the symptoms of addiction. There is an AA meeting in just about, if not every, city in America. There is community, support and a language for sufferers to gather. We need this.

--Cancer is a topic we put on stage--in national fundraisers, community and workplace support groups with physical products and symbols we can wear to show support. This is an intensely private journey that, if you do not have it, you may not be able to full understand. And yet people of all walks of life--with or without the illness--talk about it. We need this.

These are just three examples of how it's possible to turn a neglected, unknown and invisible topic into a world where it's okay to suffer from CPTSD--and still belong, and still feel seen and have the tools to have dialogue that can help you.

I encourage anyone who is on their journey to discovering, working on and healing from Complex PTSD to use your voice for all of us.

#ComplexCPTSD #CPTSD #Childhood #Trauma #Childhoodemotionalneglect #CEN #complexposttraumaticstressdisorder

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You can't forget the past; you are the past.

Someone in my family told me recently that she doesn't want to dwell on the past--as a way to not so subtly tell me to stop talking about our family dysfunction. In other words, they want to avoid the truth and color it with more dysfunction--this inability to say what it really is, feel how it really does.

There is a wall between us. The few people in my family that I still speak with think I should not discuss our history and move forward. I am sure that it's not possible to simply unwire the changes in my brain caused by longterm childhood physical abuse and emotional neglect. It's not a "mood" I'm in; it's the mind and body that developed as a result of environmental impact of my home life. This is the skin I'm in for life.

Instead, I believe we must move through life mindful of what makes us who we are, do our best to adapt, find self-acceptance as much as acceptance from others. It burns me that I can't shed my childhood, but, in truth, can anybody? We are a product of our experiences, like it or not, good or bad. We cannot shut out the past to build anew. It comes with us, inside us.

Please share your point of view.

#CPTSD #ComplexPTSD #familydysfunction #emotionalavoidance #CEN

#Childhoodemotionalneglect

#Childhood #Trauma

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The Value of Boundaries

I realized that I have lived most of my life without setting solid boundaries for myself. Why do I need boundaries? My whole life I hoped to get to know people better and people to get to know me. Why would I want to keep people out or make it more difficult for them to get to know me than it already is for them…?!

As a child, I didn’t learn that boundaries create a necessary separateness that allows you to have your own feelings, make your own decisions, and know and ask for what you want without needing to please others. Unfortunately, I wasn’t fortunate enough to grow up with a good role model showing me that respecting myself is the most important thing I could possibly do for myself while teaching others how I wanted to be treated myself. Oh, the confusion as to why people I loved always seem to take advantage of good intentions and the open heart on my sleeve!…

I am aware that I might sound vague, naive and simple-minded… but this simply wasn’t taught to me. I wasn’t shown as a child that I was just as important as everybody else, that I had a voice that mattered and indeed how to use it. In fact, it was the opposite that mattered: Respect was counterproductive to my family’s dynamics. As a child it only mattered to be heard not seen and do what you were told. Be a good girl and, if you are lucky, you may were thrown a crumb of love. I did what I had to to survive and learned to trust nobody but myself.

I am aware that as a HSP, I always took it all to heart much too deeply: Even still today it is not unusual for me to relive those moments that did hurt the most – simply triggered back into existence by somebody’s ignorant remark, thoughtless behaviour or selfish action and lack of respect. Sometimes the darkness of ‘not being enough’ to be celebrated, respected or valued for who I am – not who some think I am supposed to be – does indeed ask for much of my attention, awareness and compassion as to avoid spiralling into the ‘sadness rabbit hole’… Your understanding then means everything to overcome.

Somehow though, I have learned to accept this sadness in my life – it is sadness NOT unhappiness as some might think – I am not unhappy but have every reason to be happy in my life. Yet… I am sad. Thoughtfully sad, contemplative and introspective while trying to make sense of things and find the deeper reasons as to reflect, learn and grow.

My sadness feels like grief. Grief for something I have never had or known, yet always looked for all my life. I do feel sadness for the little girl who gave it her all to do her very best in order to please, already knowing it would never be enough. Sadness for the grown and ageing woman, realising that pleasing others was indeed the very thing that laid the foundation of her voicelessness and disrespect from others while blocking visibility she now battles to achieve for herself.

My path starts with setting healthy emotional boundaries – an imaginary line that separates me from you while allowing me to be myself. It separates your physical space, your feelings, needs, and responsibilities from mine and allows me to be my true self without the need of pleasing anybody else.

xox ❤ xox

#HSP #HighlySensitive #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #Childhoodemotionalneglect #ChildhoodEmotionalAbuse #PTSD #ComplexPTSD #CPTSD

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Struggling lately

Hi Mighties. I haven't been able to get on here much the past few months, our wifi hotspot died and we haven't been able to replace it.

So, long story short, my stepson hurt his eye about 2 and a half weeks ago, he's had 2 surgeries and a lot of doctor’s appointments since then (4 hours round trip to the university hospital), and its left me and my husband feeling completely drained.

But even before that, I was working on The Inner Child Workbook, but kind of got stuck on the first inner child. I was thinking I need to send my parents a letter or something (I told them not to contact me when I moved out Oct. of 2019 I think it was). But I have seriously mixed feelings about it. Its like I need them to know why I am mad at them, but at the same time I so don't want to open the door to them again. I think what I should do is keep doing the workbook but also work on a letter and if I feel like I get the letter just right, only then send it.

Thanks for listening all of you, it helps to know someone out there understands and sees this stuff.

#Childhoodemotionalneglect #Reconciliation #Anxiety

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As a person who's been forced to care for others most of my life, it's easy to forget to put myself first in the moment. This is a reminder that I'm important and that I matter. #EmotionalAbuse #Anxiety #Childhoodemotionalneglect

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Just breathing

Had a bad day yesterday, mad and annoyed at everything. Step son decided to end his counseling and hubby and I think he hasn't really been doing the work, or his counselor just wasn't giving him any. Also jealous that he can actually go see a counselor when I can't, but i know that's not fair to him. Was mad and annoyed at everything all day, so hubby was upset and woke up still upset. I feel guilty and bad. Ordered some books online last night; Whole Again, Reconciliation, and Inner Child Workbook. Just going to try and see which one works best for me, but they aren't coming till Tuesday at the earliest so just trying to breath and stay calm and not get caught in a spiral.

Btw, I'm so glad I found The Mighty and all you awesome people, just knowing I can talk to other people out there that understand helps me so much, so thank you all.

#Childhoodemotionalneglect #Guilt #Anxiety #Books

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Continuing the cycle?

Hi, I'm new on the mighty and still figuring it out. I'm in my mid 30's and just the other day I read 21 things people don't know you do because you were emotionally abused, that's how I found the mighty, I was emotionally neglected growing up, didn't realize it till just recently and I am now emotionally neglecting my fiance even though I don't mean/want to, I don't know how to be emotionally supportive or even show my emotions without it lashing out of me. I just don't know how to be/show support. Growing up any kind of emotion was basically seen as unimportant and uncomfortable so I learned not to show them and keep them all inside, which is why I passive-agressively lash out. I've been looking into inner child work a little bit, but haven't done any of it yet. I guess I'm just hoping to get some advice and some sympathy because I already feel like a worthless burden to my fiance and on top of that I'm scared and mad at myself for taking it out on the man I love and not being able to be there for him like he deserves. Thanks for reading. #Childhoodemotionalneglect

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What if I wasn't emotionally abused and I'm actually a narcissist?

Hi, I'm new to The Mighty and I'm still figuring it out but I felt like I needed some help. I recently read a story on here (that's how I found The Mighty) about 21 things people don't know you do because you were emotionally abused and it started me reading all this stuff and it all hits so close to home, but then last night trying to get to sleep it hits me that what if I wasn't emotionally abused and I'm just actually a narcissist because my fiance says that I'm not emotionally there for him and I belittle him even though I don't mean to? I brought it up to him and he says narcissists don't doubt themselves, but what if I am just trying to bring him down? I feel like I don't know what's true in my own head and I'm currently not in contact with any of my family so I can't run it by any of them. Does anyone else worry about this? #EmotionalAbuse #Childhoodemotionalneglect

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