Sadd

I am an early Childhood Special Ed. Teacher and I have to go to work and put a brave face on for 8 hours because my anxiety cannot fill the room and move to my preschoolers. This pandemic is starting to weigh on me very heavily. My routine is broken, my sleep is all jacked up and teaching preschool from my basement is less than ideal. My #ADHD makes it so hard to focus at home, #Sadd is creeping up quickly in the dead of winter with no one around feeling isolated but at the same time feelings of #Anxiety creep up as the thought of returning to school is scary but something I am longing to do for my routine and so many other reasons. I need normalcy back. It has been a YEAR. I am pretty proud that I haven't gone insane but Im not sure how much longer I can live like this.

Unfortunately I read quotes like this and its very frustrating that as obvious as they make it sound, its a very complex process thst does not hapoen overnight.

Once you remove yourself from these unhealthy toxic people then what?......

Its not so simple to just cut people out of your life. Its a major challenge to create boundaries and distance from toxic people in my life also how much I feel lost, isolated and alone.

Now the bigger challenge is finding people who help safeguard my soul, think my feelings are worthy and my time means something. Can't just order this on amazon. Plus I'm so hypervigilent so I do not actually trust letting anyone close enough to let authentic connections even happen. I'm so emotionally exhausted from the process of protecting myself from the toxcity around me there seems to be nothing left to go through the process to finding healthier emotional supporters. Just so tired and wish it didn't feel so overwhelming for me all the time these days.