Sadd

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Having #ADHD ,  #Sadd and #Anxiety in #pandemiclife

I am an early Childhood Special Ed. Teacher and I have to go to work and put a brave face on for 8 hours because my anxiety cannot fill the room and move to my preschoolers. This pandemic is starting to weigh on me very heavily. My routine is broken, my sleep is all jacked up and teaching preschool from my basement is less than ideal. My #ADHD makes it so hard to focus at home, #Sadd is creeping up quickly in the dead of winter with no one around feeling isolated but at the same time feelings of #Anxiety creep up as the thought of returning to school is scary but something I am longing to do for my routine and so many other reasons. I need normalcy back. It has been a YEAR. I am pretty proud that I haven't gone insane but Im not sure how much longer I can live like this.

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It's only February and I'm already so tired of winter #Sadd

It's striking again. That overwhelming blanketing feeling that permeates everything. I'm trying to remind myself I've gotten through it before so I should be able to get through it again.

Then the doubt sets in and I start to think nothing will ever change. That I will fall too far down the rabbit hole and not find my way out again. This is whats so debilitating about sadd....depression. Each bout feels worst than the last. So does the helpleness and hopelessness..... #Depression #CPTSD

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Now what? #CPTSD #Depression #lost #Loneliness #Sadd

Unfortunately I read quotes like this and its very frustrating that as obvious as they make it sound, its a very complex process thst does not hapoen overnight.

Once you remove yourself from these unhealthy toxic people then what?......

Its not so simple to just cut people out of your life. Its a major challenge to create boundaries and distance from toxic people in my life also how much I feel lost, isolated and alone.

Now the bigger challenge is finding people who help safeguard my soul, think my feelings are worthy and my time means something. Can't just order this on amazon. Plus I'm so hypervigilent so I do not actually trust letting anyone close enough to let authentic connections even happen. I'm so emotionally exhausted from the process of protecting myself from the toxcity around me there seems to be nothing left to go through the process to finding healthier emotional supporters. Just so tired and wish it didn't feel so overwhelming for me all the time these days.

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Today #CheckInWithMe

I think I am getting sick. Yesterday it was my stomach, today I am just st so tired and cold. The sun didn’t shine today and it’s winter here in the north so we get more gray than sunny days. I screwed up my checking account and overdrew it i think I have 12$ till Friday till I get payed and have to work taking foster kids to their visit 3 hours down and 3 hours back tomorrow. My tank is full so should be able to make it, but then I am stuck and can’t work the car service on Thursday. I just wish there was someone to take care of me even for a little while. #lonely #tired #Sadd

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