Salvadoran

Today I woke up feeling like shit, the awful headache, my swollen sinuses and fever. Still I decided to take a nice shower and watch a show #Yellowstone I love cowboys, and the exact amount of drama and beautiful places that I can't resist.
I decided to take care of me, I weight the most I have weighted in my life 242 pounds. I started dancing today, I love dancing and after that I cleaned my room.
I am now listening to music, and realized that sometimes change is not as easy as to make the decision to do something, but when it comes as it came to me today.
Baby, you have to take it and keep it.
Here's a picture of of me, 2 years ago, I used to love this side of me, it's time to get it back.
Thanks for reading, tons of love and good vibes.
#Salvadoran #MyJourney

Hello, I've been struggling this past week with family and financial issues. I got into a heated argument with my ex mil. She told my daughter about some gossiping about me in the neighborhood, on top of that she told her that no one in the family wanted my ex husband to marry me, and he cried for weeks to get their approval.
And that she was right since the beginning because I turned to be a nightmare for him. Also telling her that he had no choice but to cheat on me, because I am damaged goods. She also said that her and my ex sil were the ones who suffered the most for his cheating.
Because I decided to move on with my life, she was teasing my daughter with " Are you calling your mom's boyfriend dad?" So this was a mess, I confronted her and she said that everything was true and she was just stating the facts. I hate crying and I hate asking for help, especially because it's hard for me to become vulnerable in front of other people. So I asked the guy I'm dating and he just told me that it was just drama and didn't allow me to continue talking.
Last night, we talked and I told him that I'm not ready for anything at this point, so I left him. I realized that I just need to vent, I need to have a conversation or at least talk. I can't write for a long time because with hand starts cramping, so I came up with an idea, whenever I need to vent or I'm upset or hurting, I record a voice note of myself and I let everything out. So far I feel more at ease.
Thank you for reading my post.
#Salvadoran #MyJourney #MightyTogether

I haven't tell anyone this, I live in El Salvador and all my family is either in United States or Canada. The last one to leave was my father, he was the love of my life, I wanted him to be proud of me, I was a nerd and won lots of competitions when I was a teenager. I'm a failure now, I had made so many mistakes that my entire family hates me. When he left, we didn't say goodbye, and as soon as he got there he became estranged, no calls, just the repetitive messages whenever I text him. I know that I have done so many wrong things in my life. So I'm an outcast, I have no one to go to, my mother was abusive since I was a little girl. I realized how lonely I am, because a friend just got out of jail and his family loves him so much and they were so happy to see him.
I've never been in jail, but I'm always sick.
My dad and my sister say that I'm faking my mental issues, my daughter's health conditions and that I am the worst.
I hate weekends... They just remind me when I used to be happy with my dad and my sister...Now they both hate me.
#Salvadoran #MyJourney #MentalHealth

I'm happy today, regardless that I'm going through withdrawal because the hospital does not have Clonazepam, and they just gave me Lorazepam. Regardless of being shakey and feeling my heart running like crazy... Regardless of the headaches and all that crap that I'm going through.
I got a job, it's from home and it's an office based in the US. So I will be able to stay close by my daughter and also I won't have to deal with people or traffic.
So excited!!!!

#Salvadoran #MyJourney #MightyTogether

I've been feeling just off, but ok overall. I haven't been able to sleep well, normally I go to bed at 10 or 11 pm, now I'm going at 3am. My meds are not helping me, I might go to psychiatrist tomorrow, hoping I can get different meds. Today I snapped, something my ex husband said just triggered bad memories and I burst in tears, I just can't stop. I did my breathing exercises and read something, I even took a shower but nothing seems to help.
#Salvadoran #MyJourney #MightyTogether

After my last post I was just wandering and reading post from others and feeling off. I just recently discovered that odours trigger really bad emotions. So I just stay in my bedroom and put some VapoRub on my nose. I lost my job, because I was about to start crying any minute for no apparent reason, I was so sensitive and my supervisor saw me as a person with attitude issues. That's fine, I don't feel like a victim here, I 'm already job hunting and I feel positive. My daughter is turning 18 tomorrow, and I'm excited because I will finally start my divorce process, tomorrow I'm also taking my cat to be neutered and that's a relief. I'm not feeling particularly good or bad, just off.
I hope all of you are having a better time.
Please take care and seek for help if you need to.
#Salvadoran #MightyTogether #MyJourney

Sometimes my BPD makes me want run away. I've been crying non stop since early today, my eyes are swollen, I have an awful headache and I just want to stop going to work. I know that is the anxiety talking but please!!!!! I want to be able to feel happiness not just sorrow. I'm tired of being miserable, I'm so done with all these symptoms and hallucinations. I wish , I could be a better mom, a better employee, a better daughter and a better sister. Everything in my life is a tragedy.
I want this to be over!!!! I want a magical pill that can fix me for good! Today I'm a mess. Not feeling mighty, but I want to.
I needed to vent...Good night.
#Salvadoran #MyJourney #MightyTogether