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Sometimes it's hard being strong, all the time

Sometimes I'm tired of being strong. Sometimes I don't FEEL strong.
In fact... I don't feel strong MOST of the time.
I DO feel so broken.
I'm a moderately intelligent brain, in a meat suit that I have a daily fight with, just to get it to do something CLOSE to functioning. And even then, I'm ill a lot of the time. I'm mentally... shattered/fractured?... from years of domestic torment and abuse (11 years, from the age of 9, with my mum and stepdad. 6 months with an emotionally/mentally/financially abusive partner. Among other traumatic events). My thought processes are messed up. Half the time, i don't even know how much of my thoughts are really me, or because of trauma responses/my childhood/conditioned thought processes. And on top of that, I have the normal bills to pay, a full time job, etc. I have life goals that I don't know will ever happen. I wanna get married and have kids. But I don't know who would wanna marry someone as messed up as me. And as for kids... I don't even know if I CAN have kids. My mother had a miscarriage, before she had me. My sister had to go through IVF. And I've got a menstrual cycle that comes and goes as it pleases, but has no real pattern to it. And even if I CAN have kids... who's to say I won't be responsible for passing on all my medical issues? Would I even be a good parent? And that's AFTER realising that I'd need to NOT be living in a shared house, AND in a better financial situation (cause my abusive ex got me into £14k of debt that I'm STILL paying off). And who knows when that would be. But with my questionable fertility, the longer I leave it, the harder and less likely it'll be. I always wanted a big, close knit family. I always wanted my kids to have brothers, sisters, parents they could rely on and confide in; who would help them, no-judgement; who would be a constant; who wouldn't turn it around and hurt them, or expect anything in return... which is something I never had.
I always wanted to go travelling a bit, but never had the money, STILL don't have the money, WON'T have the money for quite some time. And then, IF I had the money, I'd have to worry about who I'd go with. I have no one to go with. And I can't go alone. Some people do, but medically it'd not be safe for me to go abroad - alone - and potentially get ill, with no one there with me.
I wanted to get a vespa. But my epilepsy means I'd have to get permission from the DVLA first. And then do the test etc. And then a vespa itself is like £6k new. And then my insurance would be SKY high cause I'm young AND epileptic. It's so expensive that there's probably never gonna be a time I could afford it.
Every dream I have... it feels like the universe puts barriers in the way. And I'm tired. I feel like life always lets me down.

And people are quick to say "you just gotta be strong" or "you gotta keep going". And I DARE those people to deal with HALF of what I have (and what I am STILL dealing with)... THEN tell me how easy it is. Sometimes I'm just tired of fighting all of the adversities, getting past all the barriers, only to still not achieve anything I wanted.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm suffocating under the weight of everything I have to worry about, and every thing I fear about the future... because of everything I have been through.
And most of the time I can keep it bottled up.
Occasionally it just really gets to me. And then I feel like a failure... or that I'm as insignificant as I was made to believe, from a young age.
#MentalHealth #ChronicIllness #PTSD #Anxiety #Depression #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Epilepsy

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Hello! My name is Corey Briskey and I am a neurodiversity-affirming advocate for disabled children and their families! I am a mother to a disabled child with multiple diagnoses ranging from Autism to Epilepsy and an unidentified genetic syndrome. I just want to help others feel less alone and help share my perspective to help new moms and caregivers that are going through what I went through!

I have also written a memoir on overcoming ableism and reclaiming motherhood and it is in the process of finding a home for future publishing! You can support me by following my on Instagram or subscribing to my blog. coreybriskey.com

#Disability #Autism #Neurodiversity #Parenting #Epilepsy #RareDisease


corey briskey – Corey Briskey Author Page

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Hello everybody this Etsy person is really awesome you should go check it out i highly recommend it #MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Epilepsy #Depression #Anxiety #Disability #Undiagnosed

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not sure if this is ok to ask if it's not I'm sorry

I have diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder from psychiatry treatment team at Kaiser along with massive depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, and adjustment disorder. I have CPTSD but I have had ptsd since i was.... well my whole damn life I was abused in ways I won't utter even hear when i was an infant/ toddler. anyways i digress. I currently do not have and active Kaiser membership so all I can use is the VA because i am a disabled veteran. my psychiatrist told me she was adding a medication to help me with my mood. which i thought strange because besides severe depression my mood has been stable since I'm all alone right now. I can't really get in a fight with nobody. and nobody can leave or abandon me if nobody is here to begin with. anyways, I take Lexapro for my depression. she warned me that the new medication she was writing for my mood I had to be very careful and "titrate" on to the meds very slowly. naturally i got nervous and i looked up the meds when i got them in the mail and she prescribed me lamotrigine which comes up online as a BI-Polar medication. I don't feel safe taking a med for a condition I know that I don't have and I know that many people who had BPD have been misdiagnosed sometimes several times with Bi-Polar. can anyone offer any thoughts. I know most would say just call her up and talk to her, but to me she lied. she said it was for mood, and its for a completely separate condition. i also see that its used for epilepsy which i also do not have. I realy hope someone can give me some advice

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Hi. I’m new! #MentalHealth #Epilepsy

I suffer from anxiety and major depression. I also have epilepsy, adhd and I’m low on the spectrum for autism. My depression went away for awhile and I thought “Hey this is amazing!” Recently it came back and I called a crisis line crying to a man I never met because I was so miserable. I have a little boy and I’m married. I haven’t been wanting to do anything but lay around and just be in my own little world. When my son needs a diaper change I feel like it’s a chore and I barely wanna help him. When the house needs cleaned I wait days to do so because it sucks anymore. I don’t have any friends and my dads side of the family (excluding my aunts and uncles) ignore me when I talk to them. I’m always getting my flaws point out and it makes me feel even worse about myself. I know I’m babbling but that’s what I do and I feel like I’m annoying and a burden. I just hope this helps me and I hope I make friends.

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I am new to the Mighty. I have had a reability for 35 years since I was 14. I use the word reability rather than disability because it better describes the skills I have gained and continue to gain to thrive in a world that is not designed by or for people with physical differences. I am more determined and resilient. I am a problem solver and I have empathy for other people who face challenges.

I have epilepsy caused by scarring to the brain from the removal of a cancerous brain tumour when I was 14. I have double vision caused by damage to my optic nerve from the tumour. I have fatigue caused by the radiotherapy I had and the medication I take for epilepsy.

I hope I can encourage others to discover the skills, knowledge and experience they gain through their experience of physical difference. I am a supervised lawyer looking for work as a family law lawyer in Melbourne. I enjoy improvisational acting, creative writing and talking about everything and anything.

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I just stumbled across this. I found it to be a very good explanation of one of the things that makes us humans. And, YIKES, I am human!

#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #ChronicPain #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #Epilepsy #CommonVariableImmuneDeficiency #MultipleSclerosis

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I’m so scared

My family and I are being evicted because of disability discrimination. The IL Dept. of Human Rights is involved, but unfortunately that doesn’t undo the eviction. We literally no where to go. We’re going to loose all of our fur babies. And, I most likely won’t survive medically because I won’t be able to infuse my antibodies anymore. Last time that happened I was in the ICU for a month, but I also was a lot younger. My daughter has a rare form of epilepsy and special needs. I need to figure out if it would be easier on her to see a long painful downfall of me, or would it be easier if it was super quick? My husband and myself is all she has.
This is our story if anyone wants to know more background.


#Epilepsy #MultipleSclerosis #CommonVariableImmuneDeficiency #Anxiety #MentalHealth #Depression #Disability #ChronicIllness #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain

Help This Family Facing MS, CVID, and More - Patient Worthy

The Sam family is no stranger to rare disease: MS, CVID, UC, double cortex syndrome. Now they need your help. Here's why.
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Spreading Smiles Hoping to give you one

I thought I’d share another smile maker of mine. Smiling is good, if even for a moment.
I find my fur family to be therapeutic
#MentalHealth #CheckInWithMe #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #MultipleSclerosis #CommonVariableImmuneDeficiency #Epilepsy

59 reactions 19 comments