Thisisreal

Join the Conversation on
60 people
0 stories
3 posts
Explore Our Newsletters
What's New in
All
Stories
Posts
Videos
Latest
Trending
Post

This sucks!

I think the hardest thing for me is the fact people think we are just looking for sympathy. I wish it was that simple. My family thinks there is no such thing as depression and anxiety. This is legit real! You can’t control your mind. To wake up every morning hating yourself. Trying to constantly please others, just to have someone to love you for the person you are. This is a daily struggle. No one understands it. Unless you have it! I’m new here and I am glad I found my people. #Thisisreal

104 reactions 22 comments
Post
See full photo

#whatisdepression #myfeelings


I want to be happy.
It’s a despite, how hard i try
I can’t bring myself to be happy.
I feel suffocated,embarrassed,ashamed.
Why did i have to be this way?

I have a great family,amazing friend,good education archivement,on paper everything is okay.
Yet,all i ever seem to see is sadness and grey.
Black and white.

It’s like there’s this burden on me,
Pulling me to the ground
and however hard you try you can’t bring myself out,
I can’t bring myself to care,
About anything not me,not him,not her
Living has become the constant nightmare
AND IT’S JUST NOT FAIR.

Society will tell me to try yoga,
Go for a walk,
Listen to meditation.
I tell them that this cannot be solved by exercise or medication.
It’s a disease that affects every aspect of my life,my work,my relationships,my basic need,my education,my sleep,my appetite,my daily care,everything.

And to this day despite my best efforts to explain
I am always met with blind hesitation.

People ask me
“Why are you always so sad?”
I tell them i don’t know...
I don’t know...I don’t know.

What i do know
Is that i wakeup everyday feeling like absolutely shit
And that that’s become my norm.

I’m afraid of the world,
I am afraid of putting my guard down,
In the tear that i will be judge,
FOR SOMETHING THAT I CANNOT CONTROL.

Where’s the fairness of it all?

Do you think i like to watch myself fall?
Into this hole of self hate,shame,shit,disrespect and loathe.

So i hide them
And i put up a wall

That’s so high,
You will never see my pain or any of my flaws
I create this character
And he is perfect
He’s invincible

And so i carry on live these two lives,
One for the public and one just for me late at night
Cos that’s easier than admitting you have a problem
And THAT’S THE PROBLEM.
Avoid conflict to keep the peace, and yet you start a war with yourself.

The stigma is real people
And it will not go away until we realise
That mental health IS big deal
It’s a hidden disease thats affecting so many lives
Wake up and listen to the silent cries.

It’s a kid that never speaks
Or the guy who’s always tired
The women who’s too emotional
The guy who just got fired
Cos he was absent a lot
He couldn’t get out of bed due to his mental health
But do you think any of his colleagues knew that
Course not...

Depression is the hell inside of me
And it eats me up daily.

#Depression #Anxiety #OCD #BipolarDepression #Vital #Thisisreal #Awareness

2 comments
Post

Another normal result

I know it may seem odd, but I got another normal medical test result today and if just tore me apart. I have been sick for almost 4 years now, with no diagnosis. I have had countless tests done (many abdominal CT scans, so many ultrasounds, countless labs, brain MRI, hidascans, heart monitors) and they all come back normal. I’m just lucky that I am now with a doctor who doesn’t think it’s “all in my head” like doctors in the past. For most, normal test results are a good thing. For me, it is just another discouragement. #ChronicIllness #Thisisreal #Testresults

2 reactions 1 comment