Wernicke-Korsakoff Syndrome

I've had a tumultuous 18 months, relative to any previous year. Since the new year 2022, the recent stresses that were triggered were actually the worst both physically and mentally. Definitely a snowball effect for me. I've never sought professional help before, but when the stress levels get too high like this, I feel almost incapacitated. For the past two weeks, I've lost a considerable amount of weight, resorted to binge drinking and marijuana one night (I barely drink or even touch weed normally), but the worst part is I cannot sleep more than 4 hours each night. I'm a walking zombie. When I close my eyes, the fear kicks in even more with negative thoughts and worries about my loved ones. I am planning to get professional help or therapy soon to find out what can be done.

Here's a timeline of the major triggers in a nutshell:

March 2020 - Moved back to my hometown to take care of my parents during the pandemic, and spend more time with my gf (we were in a long distance relationship). My father was an alcoholic with Wernicke Korsakoff syndrome. He would verbally attack my mother and I in an almost daily basis, but forgot what he did later in the evenings.
July 2020 - My father passed in July from a heart attack, and I felt I had no time to grieve as work was busy. My mother also began showing signs of dementia earlier that year. The depression, feeling of abandonment, restlessness came back (haven't felt that since s previous break up with the gf in 2015), but my job kept my mind busy during the daytime.
Aug. 2020 - the gf broke up again after we had a shouting match. All those symptomatic effects of someone leaving me kicked in even harder. I couldn't do anything productive for a week, and learned she joined a dating site. I felt more physical heartbreak when that happened (chest strain). The underlying reasons were mainly because I couldn't provide her the attention she deserved, I couldn't give her my all, and I kept delaying moving forward with her (ie, getting our own place together). She would have these microagressions and smaller breakups in between the entire relationship, but we would talk and try to figure things out. I'd keep going back to her making promises, but I couldn't always deliver, no matter how hard I tried, it wasn't good enough on my part. Luckily, she gave me another chance and we both attempted couple's therapy, but only one session.

Jan. 2021 - My mother was admitted into the hospital for 19 days for covid. This brought on more fear of losing someone, and I was isolated and helpless this time. I could not leave the home due to a health isolation order placed on me in that period. The gf and I had some minor splits a couple times for about 5 days or so in the following few months. She would communicate her needs more transparently which helped a lot, but most of the time, I still couldn't deliver in her eyes. Work was killer that year, late nights were a guaranteed thing.

If not, how do i create one? I am the CEO of the Wernickes Foundation of America and our mission is to create awareness as this Syndrome is entirely preventable if a person’s thiamine levels are low and with hepatically challenged pts they may have diminished thiamine absorption issues. Patients with gastric bypass surgery are likely to develop WKS as they lack the surface area to absorb thiamine. WKS is considered a rare disease when the CDC estimates that 4-6% of Americans have it but are under diagnosed and under-treated.
#RareDisease #WernickeKorsakoffSyndrome #wernickes

The night before Christmas and all through my brain a million thoughts are racing and it is far from quiet. I used to think when I was younger that I didn’t quite fit in. My family are so very loud, outgoing and love being at a party and the center of attention and then there was me. In the background spacing out (what I learned over the past year was disassociating) and staying as far away as possible from the rest of the family. Now fast forward all these years. I’m 25 and I moved 5000 miles to be with the one I love, and I found myself crying in the bathtub last night for the first time in the four years since the move because I missed my family. Don’t get me wrong. I miss them all of the time but a song came on and it reminded me of all those chaotic Christmas parties and how much a I hated them and yet I’d love to be six again and sit in the background and just observe all of that again.

I then woke up this morning to Skype with my parents (my mom, dad and I being the ‘quiet’ family out of everyone) and they are so happy despite the sudden health decline of my papa and my uncle with his health and they are in their care and they are laughing and smiling and I LOSE it. I just start crying. Through the loss of my gran and all they have on their plates on a daily basis and I’M the one crying?

This post is all over the place and I know this. But I needed to get it all out. Because for the first year in a very long time. Christmas doesn’t seem so fun anymore. And I’m not sure what to do with that.
#WernickeKorsakoffSyndrome #AlzheimersDisease #AnorexiaNervosa #Cyclothymia #Christmas #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder