WhyIDidntReport

august 29, 2018

i went to my friends house after work, & she was running a little late, i went inside. my friend told me she would be there soon (which meant another hour or so).
i went downstairs into their basement to wait for her, as i had done a million times before.
her brother was downstairs, & i said i was just waiting for her. he & i have been around each other countless times. so i wasn’t worried.
my friends mom hollered down the steps & said she was running to the store, & she would be back in a little while.
& her dad worked 2nd shift, so he wasn’t gonna be home for hours.
we were alone.

he came at me, i didn’t even know what was happening - as soon as he tried to take my pants off, i tried to fight him off. he punched me in the face & hit me in the ribs & stomach.
i pushed him away & got up to run, he punched me in the back, & grabbed me by the hair. he pulled me to the pole in the basement, & zip tied my hands around it, so i couldn’t move.
he proceeded to sexually abuse me. & he beat me more.

he hid me in the back room of the basement, tied me up to another pole, duct taped my mouth.
he then used my phone to text my mom “hey, i’m getting a little tired. i’m gonna stay here.” & then he texted his sister “i’m getting tired. i’m gonna go home. i’ll come over tomorrow. ♥️” a text i had sent her a couple weeks ago.
he took my keys, & he drove my car to a near by 24 hour store, & parked it there.

the next morning he sexually assaulted me again, & then let me go - he made sure i was quiet leaving, since his dad was sleeping. he left for school. his mom was at work. his sister was already at work as well. i had to walk to my car injuried & in so much pain i could hardly walk.
i had to call in sick to work, because i couldn’t have gone in with the injuries i had.

i went into the store & bought a bunch of makeup to cover up the injuries on my face, as best i could. so my mom didn’t worry.

i called my friend & asked if we could meet up & talk, but not at her house.
we met at a park, she saw my injuries & she asked me how i got them. i told her what happened, & she called her brother. he told her i fell down their stairs, & got a bunch of injuries. which was another reason i went home. because i didn’t want to face the humiliation of being clumsy.
she believed him, instead. she told me he would never do something like that. & i shouldn’t tell lies like that about her family.

& that’s why i didn’t report.

august 29, 2018

i went to my friends house after work, & she was running a little late, i went inside. my friend told me she would be there soon (which meant another hour or so).
i went downstairs into their basement to wait for her, as i had done a million times before.
her brother was downstairs, & i said i was just waiting for her. he & i have been around each other countless times. so i wasn’t worried.
my friends mom hollered down the steps & said she was running to the store, & she would be back in a little while.
& her dad worked 2nd shift, so he wasn’t gonna be home for hours.
we were alone.

he came at me, i didn’t even know what was happening - as soon as he tried to take my pants off, i tried to fight him off. he punched me in the face & hit me in the ribs & stomach.
i pushed him away & got up to run, he punched me in the back, & grabbed me by the hair. he pulled me to the pole in the basement, & zip tied my hands around it, so i couldn’t move.
he proceeded to sexually abuse me. & he beat me more.

he hid me in the back room of the basement, tied me up to another pole, duct taped my mouth.
he then used my phone to text my mom “hey, i’m getting a little tired. i’m gonna stay here.” & then he texted his sister “i’m getting tired. i’m gonna go home. i’ll come over tomorrow. ♥️” a text i had sent her a couple weeks ago.
he took my keys, & he drove my car to a near by 24 hour store, & parked it there.

the next morning he sexually assaulted me again, & then let me go - he made sure i was quiet leaving, since his dad was sleeping. he left for school. his mom was at work. his sister was already at work as well. i had to walk to my car injuried & in so much pain i could hardly walk.
i had to call in sick to work, because i couldn’t have gone in with the injuries i had.

i went into the store & bought a bunch of makeup to cover up the injuries on my face, as best i could. so my mom didn’t worry.

i called my friend & asked if we could meet up & talk, but not at her house.
we met at a park, she saw my injuries & she asked me how i got them. i told her what happened, & she called her brother. he told her i fell down their stairs, & got a bunch of injuries. which was another reason i went home. because i didn’t want to face the humiliation of being clumsy.
she believed him, instead. she told me he would never do something like that. & i shouldn’t tell lies like that about her family.

& that’s why i didn’t report.

I've been going through a hard time lately. I've been dealing with a lot of #PTSD stuff. It's made my Crohn's flare up, I fell back onto old behaviours for a while, I was kicked out of a treatment program after refusing to go back to residential. I'm doing okay. I'm getting better. I know it will get better. I am, however, tired of feeling like I have to wear long sleeves because I am really ashamed of this. I am ashamed of the scars. I feel guilty. Simultaneously I feel like screaming that “it’s not fair”, that “it’s not my fault”, that “I did not choose this.” This past week has been hard. I'm in the midst of a bad #CrohnsDisease flare up, and hearing #drchristineblaseyford give her testimony set off some triggers. It far from easy, unlike the tears that came with it. This week I saw my dad break down in tears; I heard him talk about how he wishes he could take back the trip he and my mom took when I was eight; where I stayed behind and was brought into a sexual trafficking situation. #WhyIDidntReport is because I was terrified that they would come back and make good on their promise to take me away forever, and decapitate my parents in front of me. I was eight, and I was being threatened with a gun, before I even really knew what a gun was. There are things I remeber, and things I don't. What I do know is that #ibelievesurvivors #iamasurvivor #MeToo #wearenotalone #istandwithsurvivors #nomore #TimesUp #timeisnow #iamafighter #timesupnow

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