Times Up

I've been going through a hard time lately. I've been dealing with a lot of #PTSD stuff. It's made my Crohn's flare up, I fell back onto old behaviours for a while, I was kicked out of a treatment program after refusing to go back to residential. I'm doing okay. I'm getting better. I know it will get better. I am, however, tired of feeling like I have to wear long sleeves because I am really ashamed of this. I am ashamed of the scars. I feel guilty. Simultaneously I feel like screaming that “it’s not fair”, that “it’s not my fault”, that “I did not choose this.” This past week has been hard. I'm in the midst of a bad #CrohnsDisease flare up, and hearing #drchristineblaseyford give her testimony set off some triggers. It far from easy, unlike the tears that came with it. This week I saw my dad break down in tears; I heard him talk about how he wishes he could take back the trip he and my mom took when I was eight; where I stayed behind and was brought into a sexual trafficking situation. #WhyIDidntReport is because I was terrified that they would come back and make good on their promise to take me away forever, and decapitate my parents in front of me. I was eight, and I was being threatened with a gun, before I even really knew what a gun was. There are things I remeber, and things I don't. What I do know is that #ibelievesurvivors #iamasurvivor #MeToo #wearenotalone #istandwithsurvivors #nomore #TimesUp #timeisnow #iamafighter #timesupnow