iamasurvivor

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"THE DARKNESS"

Its crazy how so much of the past can bring up the darkness you had to endure... for along time my childhood was a big blur and I couldn't remember certain parts of it and now I know its because I've been suppressing the bad & the horrible parts way from myself... many years later I am starting to remember the terror... When I became a mother it was super triggering to me & I couldn't figure out why ....now I've realized what was triggering me is that I'm giving my children what I never had & they are so worth it to me but it hurts knowing that I wasn't worth it when I was a child... I never wanted kids because I thought I was going to be a terrible mother and still to this day im tremendously hard on myself as a mother because I never want to let my kids down the way I've been let down in my life... kids should feel safe & wanted...they should never feel afraid of the environment they live in .... I look at my kids everyday & think you know I've been through the ringer but I'm going to give them better no matter what they are my reason ❤ #Early Childhood Trauma #iamasurvivor #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #Depression #Anxiety #Trauma #Abuse

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I finally found the strength within myself & have the Courage to share this so that anyone who has suffered, much as I did myself knows they are not alone. The Semi Colon Movement is to bring awareness to Mental Health. "Your story is not over yet" like an author could have ended a sentence, instead they chose to continue it. This movement is to bring awareness to people who suffer or have suffered from depression, anxiety, self harm & suicide. Let's show support & bring awareness so people know they are LOVED, NOT ALONE and there is HOPE. I have struggled the better part of my life trying to find reason within myself not to give up. I am very lucky to be alive today and I am happy and will continue to fight everyday to "Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free the mind". I want people to know that they don't have to suffer & not to give up on themselves as I did myself, YOU are WORTHY & I LOVE YOU. I have to give huuuuge credit to my bestfriend Kye Matthews for designing & drawing this piece for me, he is truly an artist and someone who has supported me through everything. I also want to thank my wonderful family & many other friends who have made "living" the only option for me. I am truly blessed and so thankful, thank you ❤️ #semicolonproject #semicolonmovement #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Selfharm #sucide #loveyourself #beworthy #NeverGiveUp #keepfighting #iamasurvivor #Support #Awareness #ComeTogether #BeStrong #RiseAbove #bobmarley #Faith #emancipateyourselffrommentalslavery #girlswithtattoos #Tattoo #inktherapy @the.4hundred

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Fighting through #PTSD

I've been going through a hard time lately. I've been dealing with a lot of #PTSD stuff. It's made my Crohn's flare up, I fell back onto old behaviours for a while, I was kicked out of a treatment program after refusing to go back to residential. I'm doing okay. I'm getting better. I know it will get better. I am, however, tired of feeling like I have to wear long sleeves because I am really ashamed of this. I am ashamed of the scars. I feel guilty. Simultaneously I feel like screaming that “it’s not fair”, that “it’s not my fault”, that “I did not choose this.” This past week has been hard. I'm in the midst of a bad #CrohnsDisease flare up, and hearing #drchristineblaseyford give her testimony set off some triggers. It far from easy, unlike the tears that came with it. This week I saw my dad break down in tears; I heard him talk about how he wishes he could take back the trip he and my mom took when I was eight; where I stayed behind and was brought into a sexual trafficking situation. #WhyIDidntReport is because I was terrified that they would come back and make good on their promise to take me away forever, and decapitate my parents in front of me. I was eight, and I was being threatened with a gun, before I even really knew what a gun was. There are things I remeber, and things I don't. What I do know is that #ibelievesurvivors #iamasurvivor #MeToo #wearenotalone #istandwithsurvivors #nomore #TimesUp #timeisnow #iamafighter #timesupnow