wrongDecisions

A few hours ago i heard some devastating news that had me have a full blown panic attack and #suicidal in less than three hours of the event. I 've been suicidal in most of my life already. But today i feel extremely foggy and like i 've lost my mind. I can't keep doing this anymore. The news i received made me feel to blame for a decision i made that turned out terribly. It is a lot to handle and i am wondering how can i go through this alone. I feel like i deserve to die for making this decision and i wish i could turn back time. But i can't. 💔

I could try and set an appointment with my therapist but i feel like she will disregard my feelings and won't understand. I don't know what to do. 😭 I am lost in my thoughts and i feel like i can't recover from this, like this is the end. I know i don't deserve it but i need someone to be here and hold my hand and tell me that everything is going to be alright. I 've been deprived of this for a very long time. I cannot fight alone anymore. How can a person survive mental illness with no support system?

I do not know what to do. It seems like a dead end. I feel i cannot handle my emotions or even collect my thoughts.

#Selfblame #Loneliness #BPD #intenseemotions #DepressiveEpisode #wrongDecisions #Selfharm #chronicsuicidalideation #suicidal #Fightingformylife for a very long time...