Depression and Suicidal Ideation look and feel different on/for everyone.
This Covid period (last year+) has changed me in so many ways it was hard to keep track.
I’m sure that feeling is not uncommon these days.
I have so much good in my life. So much love and light.
I found myself in a strong, safe place to start working on a lot of my past in therapy (hey therapy is great and I think everyone and anyone would benefit from it).
Now I’m finding myself needing to pause and stop pushing forward so hard because I’m not okay.
After my surgery, my pain medication interacted with some other medication that I take and triggered a major depressive episode in my brain.
I didn’t catch it until I found myself thinking in ways I thought I had left in my past.
So I’m taking a breather. Catching up with my now. Accepting that it’s okay to go back and forth with how strong and not strong you feel.
It’s okay if you’re depressed or thinking about suicide. You’re not alone- even if you don’t have the right support around you.
Find it, because it does exist.
I’m not going to feel guilty for taking time off work or telling people “I just can’t today”. I’m not going to feel guilty for the emotions I’m experiencing.
I’m not going to feel guilty for distancing myself from people who don’t impact me in a positive way right now.
Not everyone understands these feelings. Not everyone can or is able to support someone with these feelings. And that’s okay.
Just do what you need to do to be okay. That’s what I’m doing.
All of my emotions and pain are valid. And so are yours.
This shouldn’t be so hard to talk about. If you’re struggling, talk about it. Find your support.
You shouldn’t have to feel ashamed.
I’m tired of people trying to shame other people for mental illness. Fuck off. This shit is normal. It sucks. It’s awful. I wish it didn’t exist. But it does- and it’s N O R M A L.
That’s my truth. So if I have been less responsive or willing to hang out/pleasant to be around, please forgive me. Be patient with me.
Be patient with your friends. You never know what’s going on.