Wish me luck. Moving... Again #Depression #Anxiety #Selfblame
So, I am moving across the country again. My flight leaves at 5pm tomorrow. I am pretty much packed and ready to leave. I can't help feeling like I failed to make the move here work. I've had my challenges, bad places or no places to live. Even though I was able to obtain good jobs with benefits and good pay, I just wasn't happy or content at any of them. This is a repeating pattern for me. I have only held 2 jobs in my life that I stayed 2 years or longer. I just never seem to be satisfied. You would think that I would have some excitement or enthusiasm for starting over again, but I don't. This is nothing new for me. Actually, it feels more like a drag. I have to find another place to live, again. I have to find another job, again.
I originally moved here because if I stayed where I was, I would be dead now. I was miserable. I was homeless, living in a residential treatment facility. I had a horrible roommate that I begged to be moved from but they wouldn't. My treatment wasn't working and was being threatened with being kicked out of the facility because I had been there too long. I really felt hopeless and was extremely suicidal. So, when the opportunity came to move, I took it. I guess you can say that the move saved my life. Things improved once I was off of medication, living on my own and working again. I really thought that totally commiting to my treatment would cure me, instead it almost killed me. So, I am just living one day at a time and it seems to be working for me. Wish me luck. #Depression #Anxiety #Selfblame #SuicidalIdeation