Relationships

Diagnosed with enough and done with the labels Ive been analyzed https://within.My resilience is not gained by ignoring the facts or https://pretending.It is from facing what others prefer to destroy and deny. I have sat by and watched, him, destroy relationships that I wanted to foster.Calls, I pushed him to https://make.Every attempt was ignored and I decided to stop trying all together. I learned my place, from her, them and https://him.To blatantly ignore and pretend the last two years didnt take place, is not my deal or my issue to sort https://out.Time will catch up, it will and people who were playing, with my boundaries, always pay in the end.
My lowest point, was celebrated and I owe nothing to those who chose to partake, no matter who they are.

People who have a tendency towards perfectionism may tell you that being a perfectionist drives their success. That striving for flawlessness makes them the best at what they do. And sometimes, it actually does pay off, at least in some ways. But overall, the relentless pursuit of perfection can often feel more like a heavy and unfulfilling emotional tax rather than rewarding.

This is when perfectionism crosses over from striving for excellence and instead becomes a source of stress and a feeling of inadequacy and failure.

Aiming for Excellence, Running From Fear

When perfectionism begins to backfire, your drive towards excellence may start to feel like you're running from fear (and it can often be both at the same time, however the running from fear begins to hold more power than the drive towards excellence). This type of perfectionism is often a powerful, rigid shield against things such as feeling inadequate, feeling like a failure, making a mistake, or the shame of falling short of what can be lofty expectations. In this cycle, your focus may unconsciously turn to eliminating the threat of shame, failure, and inadequacy, rather than trying to reach reasonable goals with reasonable expectations.

In a more fearful state, people can set impossible expectations for themselves, hoping to prove their worth (to themselves and others), only to find that the expectations aren't reached. This can lead to self-blame and strip away confidence (or make it hard to build confidence that was already low). When in a place where the rigidity of perfectionism is consuming you, it can be a set up so either you achieve perfection, or anything less is inadequate and not good enough. There is little to no window of flexibility for mistakes or "good enough" to exist. This can have a suffocating impact on mental health, often resulting in intense stress and pressure to do things the "right" way, which can also strongly impact relationships.

Avoidance If Perfection Is Too Daunting

When you’re stuck in this fear-driven cycle, it can be tempting to become inflexible, sometimes without even realizing it. The pressure and anxiety may continue to grow as you're striving for perfection.

This often shows up in unexpected ways. For some, it results in procrastination. After all, if you don’t start something, you can’t mess it up or fail. For others, the pressure to be perfect may show up as overworking and compulsively checking (and re-checking) every detail, which may feel productive in the moment, but over time can result in burnout. It also may show up as inflexibility with others around you when the way you do things may differ from theirs. These are all different forms of avoidance, aimed at keeping uncomfortable, unwanted feelings of doubt and inadequacy at bay as long as possible.

It may feel within yourself like you're always working hard to keep things together, and that any mistake or failure feels like you'll lose control and everything is going to fall apart. It can make anything less than perfection feel scary and catastrophic. Therefore, avoidance can be a common response to fear of failure.

The Harsh Inner Critic

One of the most destructive responses that comes with this kind of pressure is debilitating self-criticism. When you inevitably are unable to meet an arbitrary, impossibly high standard, the immediate response can often be a harsh and unrelenting internal attack. It’s a vicious cycle. Your high standards may generate fear and anxiety, and when that fear is validated (that you're not good enough), you may respond with judgment and self-blame. This only intensifies the anxiety and the pressure to do better next time—making it even harder to succeed the next time and more likely you'll end up back in the self-judgment.

What's even more complex is that, every so often, some people may reach the high mark they have set. However, it then becomes about the anxiety of sustaining that bar, and any movement away from it becomes the new failure. It can become exhausting and defeating constantly trying to meet or maintain a standard that almost sets up failure from the start. It's these setups that really need to be understood on a deeper level when working through perfectionistic tendencies.

Shame, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, and Moving Forward...

There are many reasons perfectionism can show up in people's lives. But when you're going through it, it can feel like there is no room for compassion, no room for mistakes (obviously, within reason) to be okay, and no room for good enough. There can be so much shame, guilt, anxiety, fear, tension and other feelings that uphold perfectionism—and it's often when these feelings go unacknowledged that perfectionism can take a stronger, even paralyzing hold. This can eventually turn into panic attacks, phobias, and more.

It is possible to move forward from perfectionism. Therapy is a place to be able to slow down and become more in touch with the deeper anxieties and fears that lead to the urge to be perfect, and learn how to feel safe without continuing these patterns.

I’m rarely silent because I have nothing to say. I’m silent because too much is happening all at once. When emotions hits me, it hits me straight in the chest. It tightens, feels heavy, and buzzes with nerves. People ask, “What’s wrong?” and I stare back, wishing I could hand them the feeling itself because I don’t even understand it yet.

I’ve learned that my emotions move much faster than my words do. Or maybe my words move slower because I need time to catch up to the truth.

The Moment I Go Quiet

I know the exact moment when I go quiet. It could be over the smallest thing, like someone rolling their eyes in a way that feels judgmental. Or the way someone’s voice changes mid-conversation, suddenly making me feel personally targeted, as though it was my fault.

My body reacts before my mind even has a chance to interpret the actual meaning or cause. I feel the blood rush to my face, pressure behind my eyes, and the all-too-familiar urge to retreat further inward.

This is what shutting down looks like for me. I withdraw and grow distant because my mind is stuck in a loop. What did I miss? What did I say wrong? Did I misunderstand? My nervous system is in overdrive, incessantly searching for safety, meaning, and reassurance. And when I’m in that state of mind, asking me to explain how I feel feels like asking me to speak underwater.

I’ve Learned Not to Trust My First Words

There are times when I force myself to talk anyway. But the problem with that is I’m not fully present. I’m off somewhere in my mind, replaying everything that made me go silent in the first place. My attention isn’t even focused on the conversation at hand.

It’s frustrating because I want to be engaged and have a good time, but my mind holds me back in fear and anxiety. In those moments, it feels like I have no choice but to retreat into silence.

In that state, I answer too quickly. I minimize my feelings to seem easier. I say, “I’m fine,” when I’m not, because the phrase “I don’t know yet” once felt unacceptable. And later, when I’m alone, the real feelings kick into high gear, becoming heavier and clearer than before.

Processing Looks Like Stillness

Processing, for me, happens slowly. It looks like sitting on the edge of my bed, staring at nothing, letting the weight in my chest rise and fall until it softens. It looks like pacing around the house because my body needs movement even when my mind feels stuck, grabbing small bites of food because sitting still long enough for a full meal feels impossible. And it looks like crying in the shower so no one can hear me, letting the water run down my body along with my tears.

Sometimes it looks like opening my notebook and writing a sentence, crossing it out, and trying again. And again. Letting the wrong words fall away until one finally feels honest. Until something clicks and I can breathe a little easier, knowing I’ve found the shape of what I’m actually feeling.

I’m not avoiding the conversation. I’m preparing for it. I’ve given myself the space I need to come back grounded, instead of flooded. I need my body to settle before my voice can, before I can speak from truth instead of overwhelm.

When Silence Was Misunderstood

I feel like my silence has been detrimental to relationships. Some of the hardest moments in my relationships came when my need for time was taken personally.

It happened when space was seen as punishment. When pauses were treated like rejection. When I was pressured to speak before I understood myself.

That pressure didn’t bring me closer. It made me retreat even further. My mind and body don’t open under demand. They open under patience, gentleness, and knowing that I’ll be met with care when I return.

The Difference Safety Makes

With emotional safety, everything changes. When someone says, “Take your time. I’m here when you’re ready,” my body’s tension eases a bit. My thoughts slow down, and the fog I’d been in begins to lift. Words find me naturally instead of being dragged out of me.

I don’t disappear. I come back to myself clearer, more honest, and less guarded. That sense of safety gives my nervous system a chance to breathe again.

This Is Me Trying to Love Well

I’ve learned that needing time before I explain myself is an expression of how I love responsibly. It’s how I make sure my words are true instead of reactive. It’s how I protect the connection instead of damaging it in a moment of overwhelm. And It’s how I honor both my feelings and the person in front of me.

This has taken me a very long time to reach, but I’m finally able to say this without apology: “I need some time to process before I can explain how I feel.”

I’ll Come Back With Words That Matter

I may go quiet for a while. But I always come back.

And when I do, it’s with clarity, softness, and words that sound like me. I don’t need less feeling. I just need more time. And when the words arrive, they arrive whole—because I waited long enough to let them become true.

When you feel overwhelmed, how do you give yourself space to process before responding?

“I don’t need less feeling. I just need more time—and when the words arrive, they arrive whole.”

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