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Mindset Reset: A Simple Trick to Defeat Negative Thoughts

Self-defeating thoughts happen to everyone. Thoughts like “I’m not good enough,” “I’m going to fail,” or “I can’t do this” can easily spiral and hold you back. One powerful way to break that cycle is to externalize the thought and challenge it directly. Write the thought down and begin with “I used to believe…” Then follow it with “But now I believe…” and replace it with a belief that leads to action. This simple shift turns a negative thought into a practical plan for moving forward and reminds your mind that beliefs are not fixed.

What is one negative thought you’ve caught yourself believing lately?

If you want to learn more about this, check out my video by clicking on one of the links below.

www.instagram.com/thomas_of_copenhagen

www.tiktok.com/@thomas_of_copenhagen

~ Thanks to all. Thanks for all. ~

#MentalHealth #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #dissociativedisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PTSD #Cancer #RareDisease #Disability #Autism #Diabetes #EatingDisorders #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RheumatoidArthritis #Suicide #MightyTogether

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Finding a new psychiatrist

I walked into my first appointment with my new psychiatrist feeling nervous but hopeful. I had just moved from New York to South Carolina which is a big life change and I wanted to get re-evaluated after ten years of being on medication. My goal was simple: I wanted to see if I could begin lowering my doses and continue healing in a balanced, thoughtful way.

The very first thing she said to me was, “I hear you’re here for your ADHD meds?”
Immediately, my guard went up. I felt judged before I had even opened my mouth. I wasn’t there to ask for a prescription; I was there to build a new connection and explore my options. I quickly replied, “No, I’m looking for a new psychiatrist because I just moved here.”

But the tone of the appointment never shifted. She started asking rapid questions like how many providers I’d seen, what aggression looked like for me, which medications didn’t work, do you have access to fire arms? I answered honestly, even mentioning that I had just gotten married. Not even a smile. No “congratulations.” She stayed distant, clinical, and cold.

I found myself doing what I often do when I feel misunderstood — overexplaining, trying to prove I’m a “good patient,” trying to please someone who already seemed to have made up her mind. Instead of hearing me out, she decided to increase my bipolar medication. The irony? I came there hoping to *reduce* it.

It was clear she saw me through the lens of a diagnosis, not as a person. Because I’m in recovery, asking about ADHD medication seemed to trigger her assumption that I was drug-seeking. That hurt deeply. I left the office feeling unseen, ashamed, and frustrated not because my meds were changed, but because my voice wasn’t valued.

At the end of the visit she did not give me my ADHD medicine. She did write me a referral to a new doctor putting down I am bipolar/depression which she asked me about my depression and I told her I am usually not depressed, I am hypo-manic. I'm getting a second opinion, and this time, I’m going in more prepared to advocate for myself. But the whole experience reminded me how much stigma still exists even in the rooms meant to help us heal.
#Addiction #AddictionRecovery #ADHD #BipolarDisorder

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Why So Many Professionals Avoid Working With BPD By BigmommaJ Through a Child Welfare, Addiction, and Clinical Lens

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is one of the most misunderstood and stigmatized diagnoses in mental health.
Not only by society—but within the very systems meant to offer care.

For individuals with BPD, especially those with histories in child welfare or addiction services, help-seeking is often met with subtle rejection: long waitlists, referrals that go nowhere, or the unspoken message—we don’t work with that.

This is not accidental. It is systemic.

BPD as a Trauma Response, Not a Character Defect

From a trauma-informed and child welfare perspective, BPD makes sense.

Canadian research consistently links BPD to:

*Chronic childhood maltreatment

*Attachment disruption

*Foster care placement

*Instability

*Emotional invalidation and neglect (Gilbert et al., 2020; Public Health Agency of Canada, 2018)

What clinicians sometimes label as manipulation is often:

*Fear-based survival behavior

*Attachment-seeking shaped by inconsistency

*A nervous system trained to expect abandonment

In child welfare, we understand that children adapt to unsafe environments to survive.
BPD represents those same adaptations—carried into adulthood.

Child Welfare: Where the Story Often Begins

Many adults diagnosed with BPD have histories that include:

*Multiple placements

*Separation from primary caregivers

*Exposure to domestic violence

Early involvement with protection systems
(Fallon et al., 2015)

Yet child welfare systems are rarely equipped to provide long-term relational repair. Instead, children learn early that:

*Care is conditional

*Attachment is temporary

*Needs can be dangerous

When those children become adults, the mental health system often responds with the same instability—repeating the trauma under a clinical name.

Addiction and BPD: A Shared Nervous System Story

In Canadian addiction services, BPD is frequently misinterpreted as non-compliance or treatment failure.

But the overlap is well-documented:

*High rates of substance use among individuals with BPD

*Substances used to regulate overwhelming emotional states

*Addiction functioning as a form of self-soothing when no relational safety exists
(Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction [CCSA], 2022)

From a clinical lens, addiction and BPD are not separate issues—they are co-occurring trauma responses.

Treating one while ignoring the other leads to relapse, disengagement, and revolving-door care.

Why Professionals Avoid This Work

As a professional, it’s important to name the truth honestly.

Many clinicians avoid BPD because:

*Graduate programs offer minimal training in personality disorders

*There is limited access to supervision and consultation

*Systems prioritize brief, symptom-focused interventions

*Risk management is placed on individual clinicians, not teams

In under-resourced Canadian systems, clinicians are often expected to manage:

*Self-harm risk

*Suicidality

*Crisis presentations without adequate backup or support (CAMH, 2021).

Avoidance becomes a form of self-protection—not clinical best practice.

The Systemic Failure, Not a Clinical One

Here’s what often goes unsaid:

BPD has one of the most positive long-term prognoses when treated appropriately.

Evidence-based approaches such as:

*Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)

*Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT)

*Trauma-informed, attachment-focused care

Show significant reductions in:

*Self-harm

*Hospitalization

*Substance use

*Emotional dysregulation
(Linehan et al., 2015; CAMH, 2021)

The issue is not that people with BPD can’t heal.

It’s that our systems are not designed to stay.

The Cost of Professional Avoidance

When professionals opt out of BPD care:

*Clients internalize shame

*Trauma is reinforced

*Trust in helping systems erodes

*People disengage until crisis forces re-entry

In child welfare and addiction work, we know that repeated system rejection increases risk, not resilience.

Avoidance is not neutral.
It causes harm.

A Trauma-Informed Professional Reframe

From a clinical and ethical standpoint, working with BPD requires:

*Advanced training, not fear

*Supervision, not isolation

*Team-based responsibility, not individual liability

*Curiosity, not judgment

People with BPD are not “too much.”

They are often the most impacted by systems that failed to protect them early—and continue to struggle to hold them now.

Final Reflection

If we truly believe in trauma-informed care, we must ask harder questions:

*Why do child welfare systems end at adulthood?

*Why are addiction services separated from attachment trauma?

*Why do clinicians carry risk alone in underfunded systems?

And most importantly:

*Why do we continue to abandon people whose core wound is abandonment?

Healing happens when care is consistent, informed, and relational.

And when systems are willing to stay, people with BPD do more than survive.

They rise above what they were taught to expect.

BigmommaJ
#BPD #Awareness

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Still sober! Health and treatment update.

#Addiction A reminder for anyone who read my last post, and a quick intro for those who didn't, I'm an alcoholic who was recently hospitalized with a tear in my esophagus from drinking. There was bleeding into my stomach and it needed to be repaired with clips.

I've been sober three weeks now. It doesn't sound like much, but for someone like me it's kind of a big deal! The most recent blood test still came back with a low red cell count, but some of the results (white count, liver panel) are showing improvement.

I have had two appointments at a dual diagnosis clinic for mental health and substance abuse/dependence: one with the intake coordinator, and one with a therapist. Both went great and I like them a lot. It feels like such a relief to have a support team I can rely on to help guide me back to health.

Thanks again to everyone who answered me before. I so appreciate your compassion and encouragement. To my fellow addicts, we got this. Today is a good day.

(edited)
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Don’t chase happiness.

Many people spend years chasing happiness as if it is a destination they will eventually arrive at. The problem is that constantly checking whether you are happy often makes you feel the opposite. A healthier approach is to focus on meaningful actions, relationships, and growth. When your attention shifts from searching for happiness to building a life that feels meaningful, happiness often appears as a byproduct rather than a goal.

What is one activity or habit that naturally brings you peace without you having to chase it?

Also, if you're going through a tough time right now, I want you to know that I post daily mental health videos about how to deal with painful thoughts. So if you or anyone you know is struggling and wants help, click on one of the links below or write me if you have any questions you want me to answer:

www.instagram.com/thomas_of_copenhagen

www.tiktok.com/@thomas_of_copenhagen

~ Thanks to all. Thanks for all. ~

#MentalHealth #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #dissociativedisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PTSD #Cancer #RareDisease #Disability #Autism #Diabetes #EatingDisorders #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RheumatoidArthritis #Suicide #MightyTogether

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Learning to Trust Myself Again By BigmommaJ Rebuilding Self-Trust After Trauma, Addiction, and Emotional Instability

Trusting other people can feel terrifying.

But trusting yourself after you’ve doubted your own thoughts, emotions, choices, or worth? That can feel almost impossible.

For many individuals living with trauma histories, addiction, or borderline personality disorder (BPD), the deepest rupture is internal. Somewhere along the way, we stopped believing ourselves.

When Self-Trust Breaks

Self-trust erodes slowly:

*When your feelings were dismissed.

*When you were told you were “too sensitive.”

*When trauma distorted your sense of safety.

*When addiction led you to act against your values.

*When intense emotions made you question your reality.

Individuals living with Borderline Personality Disorder often experience emotional dysregulation, identity disturbance, and fear of abandonment (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). Emotional states can feel absolute and overwhelming, which contributes to chronic self-doubt.

Over time, the internal narrative becomes:

“I can’t trust myself.”

Trauma Changes the Brain — Not Your Worth

Chronic trauma affects neurobiological functioning. Research shows:

*Increased amygdala activation (heightened threat perception).

*Reduced prefrontal cortex regulation under stress.

*Alterations in stress-response systems (HPA axis dysregulation).

These findings are well documented in trauma research (Shin et al., 2006; Teicher & Samson, 2016).

This is not weakness. It is adaptation.

The hopeful reality is neuroplasticity — the brain’s capacity to reorganize and form new neural pathways through repeated regulation and therapeutic intervention (Doidge, 2007).

Addiction and the Collapse of Self-Trust

Addiction compounds the rupture.

Substance use disorders are classified as chronic, relapsing medical conditions that alter reward circuitry, impulse control, and executive functioning (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). According to Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, addiction impacts the brain’s dopamine system and decision-making processes, making relapse a neurological vulnerability — not a moral failure.

Each broken promise can erode internal credibility.

Rebuilding self-trust requires starting small and creating consistent behavioral evidence of change.

What Rebuilding Self-Trust Actually Looks Like

1. Regulate Before You Decide
Emotional regulation is foundational. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), developed by Marsha Linehan, emphasizes distress tolerance and emotion regulation skills as primary interventions for BPD (Linehan, 2015).

Regulation strategies may include:

*Diaphragmatic breathing

*Grounding exercises

*Sensory modulation

*Brief physical movement

Decisions made from regulation are more reliable than those made during emotional flooding.

2. Keep Micro-Promises
Behavioral consistency restores internal reliability.

Research in behavioral psychology supports the concept that repeated small successes increase self-efficacy (Bandura, 1997). When you keep small commitments, you accumulate evidence that you are dependable — especially to yourself.

3. Separate Feelings from Facts
Cognitive distortions — such as emotional reasoning and catastrophizing — are common in trauma and BPD presentations (Beck, 2011).

Feeling: “He hasn’t texted. I’m unlovable.”

Fact: “He hasn’t responded yet.”

Cognitive restructuring is a core component of evidence-based therapies including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and DBT (Beck, 2011).

4. Understand Shame’s Role
Shame significantly predicts relapse, depression severity, and self-harming behaviors (Tangney & Dearing, 2002).

The Canadian Mental Health Association highlights that stigma and internalized shame worsen recovery outcomes.

Self-compassion interventions have been shown to improve emotional resilience and decrease self-criticism (Neff, 2011).

Replacing “I’m crazy” with “I’m dysregulated” is not semantics — it is neurocognitive reframing.

Implications for Child Welfare and Clinical Practice

Attachment disruption in early childhood significantly affects emotional regulation capacity and identity formation (Bowlby, 1988; Teicher & Samson, 2016).

Within child welfare systems, individuals often internalize labels such as “non-compliant” or “resistant.” Trauma-informed care frameworks emphasize understanding behavior as adaptation rather than defiance (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration [SAMHSA], 2014).

Restoring autonomy and internal safety must be prioritized if we want sustainable recovery and relational stability.

A Personal Reflection

There was a time I did not trust my thoughts, my decisions, or my emotional reactions.

Recovery taught me something clinical — and deeply human:
Emotional intensity is not pathology by itself. Dysregulation without skills is.

Now, when I feel activated, I pause. I regulate. I gather data. I respond rather than react.

That pause is self-trust rebuilding in real time.

Conclusion

Trusting yourself again does not mean you will never struggle.

It means:

*You regulate before reacting.

*You keep small promises.

*You challenge distortions.

*You replace shame with informed language.

*Self-trust is not perfection.
It is repair.

And repair is evidence of growth.

BigmommaJ
#trustyourself #Selflove #MentalHealth

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