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Recently hospitalized. Huge revelation.

So, I already knew I was an alcoholic. I didn't think I was in denial. But I also didn't really think I was bad enough that I needed to stop... not yet. I was thinking I could wait a little longer, and just cut back. I had, in fact, been doing this with moderate success. I figured, I can take it at my own pace and there's no rush.

I was totally wrong. Last week, I started vomiting uncontrollably and forcefully. Soon, I began to see blood in it. I couldn't stop. I had to stay lying on my side, with a bucket next to the bed so I could lean over and throw up in it. Even a sip of water would come right back up. I didn't even understand where it was all coming from, since I figured there couldn't be anything left in my stomach.

It turned out I had torn my esophagus, and was bleeding into my stomach. This was what continued to come up.

I went to the ER and was then admitted to the hospital, where I was hooked up to two IVs, through which I was given many bags of fluids and several medications for nausea and withdrawal. Once my physical health was stabilized, I was discharged with appointments at a clinic for addiction and mental health treatment.

My last drink was the day before I entered the hospital. I am a severe alcoholic and I absolutely cannot drink ever again, because it might kill me.

I'm sorry to be so graphic, but it's important to me to be honest about this. I assume it will be censored if any staff here feel that it's too much.

#Addiction #Alcoholism

(edited)
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Putting Yourself First: Mental Health and Addiction Recovery By BigmommaJ

Putting yourself first is often misunderstood.

In clinical spaces—particularly within mental health, addiction recovery, and child welfare—we see a consistent pattern: individuals who have survived trauma, chaos, caregiving burdens, and systemic gaps are often the last to receive care themselves. When they begin to prioritize their own stability, they are labeled selfish.

They are not selfish.
They are stabilizing.

Self-Abandonment: A Trauma Pattern

Self-abandonment is common in both mental illness and substance use disorders. It can present as:

*Ignoring early warning signs of relapse

*Staying in unsafe or dysregulated relationships

*Avoiding treatment because others “need you more”

*Neglecting sleep, nutrition, and medical care

*Silencing emotional needs to prevent conflict

The Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction (CCSA) identifies trauma, chronic stress, and social instability as major drivers of substance use harms in Canada (CCSA, 2023). Similarly, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) emphasizes that trauma exposure significantly increases risk for both mental health disorders and substance use disorders (CAMH, 2022).

When we continuously put ourselves last, our nervous system does not regulate—it remains in survival mode. Prolonged activation of stress pathways increases vulnerability to depression, anxiety disorders, and relapse (Public Health Agency of Canada, 2020).

What once protected you may now be exhausting you.

Why Putting Yourself First Feels So Wrong

For trauma survivors, prioritizing oneself can activate guilt, shame, and fear of abandonment. From a clinical lens, this may be linked to:

*Insecure attachment patterns

*Codependency dynamics

*Learned hyper-independence

*Developmental trauma

*Internalized beliefs that worth is tied to usefulness

Trauma-informed practice teaches us that self-neglect is often adaptive. It was a strategy to maintain safety, connection, or survival.

But strategies built for survival rarely sustain recovery.

In Addiction Recovery:

Self-Preservation Is Relapse Prevention

Recovery requires regulation.
Regulation requires capacity.
Capacity requires care.

Putting yourself first in recovery may look like:

*Attending meetings instead of attending chaos

*Going to therapy consistently
Blocking triggers—even if they are people

*Taking medication as prescribed

*Choosing sleep over late-night dysregulation

*Saying “no” without over-explaining

The Statistics Canada reports ongoing substance-related harms across Canadian communities (Statistics Canada, 2023). Sustainable recovery reduces not only individual harm but intergenerational impact.

You cannot stabilize others while you are destabilizing yourself.

Mental Health Is Foundational Health

The Public Health Agency of Canada recognizes mental health as integral to overall health and well-being (PHAC, 2020). Chronic stress elevates cortisol, impairs executive functioning, disrupts sleep, and reduces impulse control—all of which increase relapse risk.

This is not a character flaw.
This is neurobiology.

Prioritizing yourself is preventative medicine.

Boundaries as Protective Factors

In child welfare practice, we speak frequently about protective factors for children. Stable caregivers. Predictable routines. Emotional regulation. Safe environments.

Why do we not apply the same framework to adults in recovery?

Boundaries reduce exposure to high-risk situations. They improve emotional regulation and reinforce self-efficacy—both critical predictors of long-term recovery outcomes (CAMH, 2022).

Boundaries are not selfish.
They are clinical interventions.

Personal Reflection

Putting myself first did not come naturally.

As someone who has worked in child welfare and walked my own recovery journey, I know what it feels like to be the strong one. The reliable one. The one who holds everything together while quietly unraveling.

For years, I confused self-sacrifice with strength.

I said yes when I meant no.

I stayed when I should have stepped back.

I minimized my exhaustion because others were “worse off.”

But healing forced a confrontation: I was abandoning myself in the name of loyalty.

And loyalty without self-respect is self-destruction.

Putting myself first meant disappointing people. It meant stepping out of chaos and into uncomfortable silence. It meant acknowledging that I deserved the same compassion I advocate for in practice.

The truth is this:

When I protect my mental health, I am a better mother.
A better clinician.
A safer presence.

Stability is not selfish.
Stability is sacred.

Clinical Reframe

Putting yourself first in mental health and addiction recovery is:

*Relapse prevention

*Trauma stabilization

*Nervous system regulation

*Protective factor development

*Intergenerational cycle disruption

This is not indulgence.
This is evidence-informed recovery practice.

Call to Action

If you are struggling:

*Identify one area where you are overextending yourself.

*Set one boundary this week

*Schedule one act of restorative self-care (not avoidance-based coping).

*Engage with professional support if available.

If you are in crisis in Canada, call or text 9-8-8 for immediate mental health and suicide crisis support.

You deserve recovery.
You deserve stability.
You deserve care.

And sometimes the most radical act of healing is choosing yourself.

BigmommaJ
#putyourselffirst #MentalHealth #Addiction

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Weekend Thoughts

Recently, I came across this Japanese Proverb in an article about Resilience. The thought is as, once you survive something that almost took you out (but didn't), the minor things don't bother you anymore.

Id love your thoughts, Mighties.
#Addiction #AnorexiaNervosa #Agoraphobia #Anxiety #AutismSpectrum #ADHD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Depression #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CeliacDisease #Cancers #Grief #Lupus #PTSD #SjogrensSyndrome #Schizophrenia #Selfharm #FanconiAnemia #POTS #Hemophilia

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Peace happens when you bring your attention back to now.

Depression often pulls the mind into the past while anxiety pushes it into the future. The present moment is where calm lives. Learning to notice where your thoughts go and gently bring them back builds emotional balance and mental strength. This simple awareness exercise can completely change how you experience stress and overwhelm. Try it today and tell me if you felt the shift.

Also, if you're going through a tough time right now, I want you to know that I post daily mental health videos about how to deal with painful thoughts. So if you or anyone you know is struggling and wants help, click on one of the links below or write me if you have any questions you want me to answer

www.instagram.com/thomas_of_copenhagen

www.tiktok.com/@thomas_of_copenhagen

~ Thanks to all. Thanks for all. ~

#MentalHealth #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #dissociativedisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PTSD #Cancer #RareDisease #Disability #Autism #Diabetes #EatingDisorders #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RheumatoidArthritis #Suicide #MightyTogether

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Thankful Thursday (with a bonus tip 😃)

It's that time of the week again, Mighties! Tell me three things in the comments 👇 that you're thankful for. It can be anything - big, small, or seemingly insignificant. I want to hear them all! ❤️
#Addiction #Anorexia #Agoraphobia #AutismSpectrum #ADHD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #BipolarDepression #MentalHealth #PTSD #Schizophrenia #Lupus #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #CeliacDisease #Grief #Cancer #Migraine #sjogrens #Depression #Schizophrenia #suicidal

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Stop Overthinking the Past and Future With This Simple Mind Shift

Overthinking keeps the mind stuck in regret about the past and anxiety about the future. Reflection is the tool that brings you back into the present. When you ask better questions, you gain clarity, emotional control, and calm. This simple habit trains your brain to stop spiraling and start learning. Which question helped you the most? Save this for the next time your thoughts race.

If you want to learn more about this, check out my video by clicking on one of the links below.

www.instagram.com/thomas_of_copenhagen

www.tiktok.com/@thomas_of_copenhagen

~ Thanks to all. Thanks for all. ~

#MentalHealth #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #dissociativedisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PTSD #Cancer #RareDisease #Disability #Autism #Diabetes #EatingDisorders #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RheumatoidArthritis #Suicide #MightyTogether

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Why Trauma-Informed Care Is Essential in Child Welfare Systems By BigmommaJ

Child welfare systems exist to protect children from harm. Yet for many children and families, involvement with these systems becomes another layer of trauma rather than a pathway to safety and healing. This paradox is not the result of individual failure—it is the result of systems responding to trauma without being designed to understand it.

Trauma-informed care is not an enhancement to child welfare practice. It is a foundational requirement for ethical, effective, and humane intervention.

Child Welfare Is Inherently Trauma-Exposed

The overwhelming majority of children and families involved in child welfare have experienced multiple, chronic adversities long before a report is ever made. These experiences often include:

*Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse

*Chronic neglect

*Exposure to domestic violence

*Parental substance use and untreated mental illness

*Poverty and housing instability

*Systemic racism and discrimination

*Intergenerational and historical trauma

*Separation from caregivers, siblings, culture, and community

Research consistently demonstrates that child welfare–involved populations have significantly higher Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) scores than the general population, placing them at increased risk for lifelong physical, emotional, and relational difficulties (Felitti et al., 1998; Anda et al., 2006).

Without a trauma-informed framework, child welfare systems risk responding to trauma symptoms as behavioural problems, rather than as adaptive survival responses.

Trauma Shapes Behaviour, Not Morality

Trauma alters neurodevelopment, particularly when experienced in early childhood. It impacts:

*Emotional regulation

*Stress response systems

*Attachment and trust

*Impulse control

*Cognitive processing

*Sense of safety

In child welfare contexts, these trauma responses are frequently misinterpreted as:

*Defiance

*Aggression

*Manipulation

*Non-compliance

*“Lack of insight” or “poor motivation”

A trauma-informed lens reframes the central question from:

“What’s wrong with this child or parent?”

To

“What happened to them, and what do they need to feel safe enough to change?”

This shift is not semantic—it fundamentally alters assessment, intervention, and outcomes.

System Involvement Can Re-Traumatize

Even when removal is necessary for safety, child welfare involvement is itself a potentially traumatic experience. Children often experience:

*Abrupt separation from caregivers

*Loss of routine, identity, and belonging

*Placement instability

*Repeated retelling of traumatic experiences

*Lack of voice or agency in decisions affecting their lives
Parents experience:

*Shame, fear, and grief

*Loss of autonomy and parental identity

*Heightened surveillance

*Re-activation of their own unresolved trauma

Without trauma-informed care, standard child welfare practices—court processes, compliance-based case plans, rigid timelines—can unintentionally replicate dynamics of powerlessness and control, undermining engagement and long-term safety.

Trauma-Informed Care Improves Outcomes

Evidence-informed trauma-responsive child welfare systems demonstrate:

*Greater placement stability

*Improved caregiver-child relationships

*Increased family engagement
Higher rates of successful reunification

*Reduced use of punitive or coercive practices

*Improved permanency outcomes

Trauma-informed care recognizes that regulation precedes reasoning. When people feel safe, they are neurologically capable of learning, reflecting, and changing.

Fear-based compliance may satisfy short-term system goals—but it does not create sustainable safety.

Reflection: A Child Welfare Lens

As a child welfare professional, I have seen how easily trauma is mislabeled as resistance—and how devastating that misinterpretation can be.

I have watched children punished for behaviours that were, in truth, survival strategies learned in unsafe environments. I have seen parents deemed “uncooperative” when their nervous systems were locked in fight, flight, or freeze. I have witnessed systems demand emotional regulation, insight, and compliance from people who had never been offered safety, consistency, or trust.

Trauma-informed care challenges us—not just to change how we intervene, but to examine how power is exercised within systems.

*It asks us to slow down in systems designed for speed.

*To listen in systems designed for documentation.

*To see humanity in systems trained to assess risk.

Child welfare does not operate in a vacuum. Many families enter the system already failed by mental health services, addiction supports, housing systems, education, and healthcare. By the time child welfare intervenes, the harm is rarely new—it is cumulative.

If we do not practice trauma-informed care, we become another chapter in that harm.

Trauma-Informed Care Is Also a Workforce Issue

Child welfare professionals are exposed daily to secondary trauma. Without organizational trauma-informed practice, workers experience:

*Compassion fatigue

*Burnout

*Emotional numbing

*High turnover

*Reduced decision-making capacity

A trauma-informed system must support reflective supervision, manageable caseloads, and psychological safety for staff. A dysregulated workforce cannot effectively serve dysregulated families.

Equity, Culture, and Historical Trauma

In Canada, Indigenous, Black, and racialized families are vastly overrepresented in child welfare systems. This reality cannot be separated from:

*Colonization and residential schools

*Forced child removals (e.g., the Sixties Scoop)

*Systemic racism

*Intergenerational trauma

Trauma-informed care, when paired with cultural humility and anti-oppressive practice, is essential to preventing the repetition of historical harm under modern policy frameworks.

Without this lens, child welfare risks perpetuating the very injustices it claims to address.

Call to Action

Trauma-informed care must be embedded at every level of child welfare:

*Legislation and policy

*Intake and investigation

*Court processes

*Placement decisions

*Case planning and timelines

*Permanency planning

Workforce development
Children and families do not come to child welfare because they failed.

They come because systems failed them first.

If child welfare is truly about protection, then trauma-informed care is not optional—it is an ethical obligation.

BigmommaJ
#traumainformedcare #MentalHealth #Recovery

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What's Up Wednesday

This was one of the biggest lessons I've learned in the past few years. True healing happens in real time. We can't "think" or "talk" our way into healing. We have to experience it.
#Addiction #Agoraphobia #Anxiety #AnorexiaNervosa #AutismSpectrumDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #CeliacDisease #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Depression #Epilepsy #MentalHealth #ADHD #Schizophrenia #SeasonalDepression #PTSD

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