Relationships

I hate my brain, im so frustrated with the little things i end up getting paranoid over and spiraling. It’s ruining my relationship and I’m trying so hard to at the least to control my actions/reactions to my paranoia but my face and emotions are really easy to read, espicially to my partner & everytime they hang out with other people I worry about stupid things like them cheating or realizing they hate being with me because they aren’t hanging out with me. I know it sounds jealous and immature and I know it too but I can’t seem to figure out what to do. Any tips? I will try anything.

Hi everyone. I hope all your hearts and minds are being kind to you today. I've never been on anything like this before and have no idea what to expect. I guess I could start by saying a bit about what is going on...

I recently got out of a very abusive relationship which is taking a heavy toll on my mental health and self worth. I ignored the aftermath of the effects for a while, but they are for sure catching up to me now! I've been pushing myself to keep doing university although I find it way too academically easy and unchallenging. I am SO bored. But have been trying to distract myself from the abuse as much as possible. Recently, I got into a car accident (thankfully all is okay) but that feels like it added more trauma to an already shakey system. The car was non functional after the accident... yeah, it was pretty bad.

I realise that I keep ignoring myself. And I'm almost terrified to share the details of what happened because I can't live it again. I don't want to believe that he could hurt me so much. I don't want him to have that power over me and I'm livid. I have the opportunity to be on a year abroad and want to do so much. But my depression makes me feel like I can't. There is no energy in my tank to do the work and keep going. I did want to hurt myself a few times and had super dark days. And I think I need a semester off to regroup but I am eating myself alive saying that I am not worth it. And that I have to prove I am enough by going to university. I feel stuck between wanting help and getting out of this, but so drained and held back and incapable of making descisions and trusting myself.

Just feeling so stuck at the moment. I don't know how to not attack myself for feeling bad. Its a pretty painful cycle and I feel shame for being like this.

Thank you for reading, I appreciate your time.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
It’s so frustrating when people say things when they don’t understand

I didn’t choose to forget my gf in an emotjknsl way . I didn’t choose to wake up and forget her. To lose my feelings for her. I didn’t choose to break up I didn’t choose to hurt her. This was out of my control!

You talk and you think you know but you don’t. “You sound clingy”
What’s so hysterical is she literally said I was too hot and too cold.
She said I was the one always leaving. I never begged for her attention I never begged for validation I never begged for basic things because I’ve been trained not to anymore. I didn’t make a home in her because everyone told me to never do that anymore.
I didn’t choose this heart ache on purpose.
We talked for a year before we ever decided to get together and even THEN we discussed for months about dating. She we did not cross boundaries. I was trying so HARD to meet her in the middle. She has my biggest stories with her now. She has whatever tiny fragile parts of me that weren’t scraped out by my former FP with her and I feel them being pulled out of me.
The relationship wasn’t so off kilter that we were ripping each others throats out. She knew I have BPD she KNEW I struggled a lot she KNEW So many things this wasn’t forced thid was handled with care on both ends! I didn’t magically wake up cold and cruel on purpose it just happened something SNAPPED and I don’t know why! And it didn’t only affect her it effected everyone else around me! I had a whole group of “friends” not anymore. I had a support system nkt sntmore Im staring at people who have known me for a decade and I question their answers because I can’t feel FOR them! I cannot FEEL!
There isn’t feeling of love or hope or affection or kindness, compassion, empathy I cant FEEL that! I cant SEE beyond the fog that’s in my head and you want to tell me I was the one making choices when I had no idea I would wake up the next day panicked and scared because everything I felt was utterly muted?
I can only feel pain I feel this pain because it’s familkar pain it HURTS. If hyers SO MUCH but affection? I don’t know her I don’t FEEL her I can’t SEE her.

It isn’t by choice.
You can judge the relationship all you want and by right call me clingy but I am telling you I didn’t choose for it to go like this. I was preparing to celebrate our 2 year anniversary together; not this. Not forgetting what she means to me, who she is; now screaming into the void hoping someone grabs my hands and pulls me from this hell of a fog cloud I’m trapped in. Where’s the shore line? Why do I even care when everyone hates me and judges me for actions I can’t control or foresee??? Why can’t I feel something other than pain?

Hi, my name is hardworkingmama. I'm here because I am having trouble with not only dealing with my mental health but dealing with two boys with mental health problems. The boys are 12 and 11 years old and I had been taking it in all by myself til six years ago my SO came into our lives. The 11 year old accepts him as sad and will listen only 50% of the time for him. My 12 year old will not accept that he is not leaving and is gonna stick around. My SO and I haven't had the best relationship due to his inability to not have relations with other women. Or his violent outburst toward me and sometime the kids if he doesn't get his way. Our family now has seven people and i and exhausted from all of it. I stay at home with the kids and he works full time right now. He hasn't been able to hold a job for more then a year and then has a four month lapse until he feels motivated to work again. I am paying all the bills with the boys SSI and I am constantly broke cause bills come first. I am a survivor of sex trafficking and the boys were held away from me and in order to see them I was forced to sell my body in order to get to see them. I escaped and got us the help we needed mentally. Ever since I have struggled with my mental health and trying to regulate them has been especially hard for me. I find myself running from it all and am super sensitive when I hear loud noises. I can not get the children to listen and help around the house with the simplest chores. (Dishes, laundry, garbage, cooking, bathrooms toilets, everything is my responsibility. They feel it's my job to do it all and they just sit around and not help. When I ask for help they say that they don't have to and wont comply. I've just about had it and I don't want to have a mental breakdown. My SO doesn't want to work on the older Childrens issues because they are not his bio kids and he works and doesn't want to deal with it when he gets home. I can't even get him to help care for his two babies ages one and two. I am struggling har because I repeatedly told him that I didn't want anymore kids. I knew I couldn't mentally handle it with the boys behaviors. But Covid happened and one thing led to another and I became pregnant and then 6 weeks later New Year's Eve happened and I got drunk one time after Charles was born and then I found out I was pregnant again. So now I have five kids and none of them will help me cook clean or help the babies. I'm just exhausted and want to know that I'm jot the only one that feels like this. I feel like giving up and running away but my kids would suffer to much and hurt to much if I ever walked away. So I just deal with all the abuse and trauma and stuff my feeling deep deep down

#MightyTogether #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD