Relationships

When you spend most of your life feeling unseen, it’s hard not to let it affect you mentally. It affects your self-esteem, your confidence, and how you perceive yourself. And for me, I’ve always struggled with being comfortable in my own skin.

Recently, I was hanging out with a close group of friends. Most of the time when I’m with them, I can be myself without feeling too in my head. But this time around, I was so trapped inside my head. I kept thinking that literally everything that came out of my mouth was annoying. The sound of my voice. The “foolish” responses. And the underlying fear that I was being either too much or too quiet.

Lately, I’ve just been doubting my every move. I feel so insecure and have just been in an overthinking loop of negativity. I haven’t been treating myself very kindly, and I keep thinking that I’m just a nuisance. That I’m just a waste of space. That I’m boring, dull, and just…there.

It’s been really hard to like the person that I am right now. In fact, I’ve always had a difficult relationship with myself. Sometimes, I genuinely appreciate the person that I am. I’m stronger than I thought possible. But other times, I look at myself with a level of disgust I hate admitting.

I think part of the reason I struggle so much with liking myself is because I’ve spent so much of my life feeling overlooked. When you don’t feel seen, it’s easy to start wondering if there’s a reason for it. You start questioning your worth. You start wondering if maybe you’re not interesting enough, important enough, or good enough to be noticed. Over time, those thoughts stop feeling like insecurities and start feeling like facts.

What makes all of this so frustrating is that if a friend spoke about themselves the way I speak about myself, my heart would break for them.

The thing is, I offer great advice, but I never take it for myself. I always remind people of all the good things I see in them. I tell them that their feelings are valid and that they matter. I’m there for them in every sense of the word.

Yet somehow, it’s always easier to extend that kindness to other people than it is to myself.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been thinking so much about the idea of becoming someone I actually enjoy being.

I don’t think I need to become a completely different person. I’m just tired of feeling like I’m constantly at war with myself. I’m tired of viewing myself critically. Tired of assuming that everyone else sees me as negatively as I see myself.

I think that’s where this starts.

Not with confidence. Not with self-love. And not with suddenly waking up one day and feeling comfortable being me. But with questioning whether the voice in my head is telling me the truth.

Because if I’m being honest, I’ve spent years assuming that the way I see myself is the truth. That every insecurity is a fact. That every criticism is accurate. And that every fear I have about myself must somehow be justified.

But what if it isn’t?

What if I’ve just spent so long listening to my inner critic that I stopped questioning it?

Because maybe I’m not a nuisance. Maybe I’m not boring. Maybe I’m not too much. And maybe I’ve just spent so long looking for reasons to dislike myself that I’ve stopped looking for reasons to appreciate who I am.

Because when I step outside of my own head, I know that isn’t the whole story.

I know I’m someone who cares deeply. Someone who shows up. Someone who feels things deeply because I’m deeply connected to the people around me. I know those things exist too.

I just forget them sometimes.

And I know I haven’t become someone I actually enjoy being yet. But I think the first step is learning how to stop assuming the worst about myself.

It’s going to be a long process on my healing journey because there’s a lot to unlearn. I need to unlearn years of thinking there was something wrong with me.

That’s why this feels so difficult.

You can’t spend a lifetime believing you’re not enough and expect to undo it overnight.

But I’m trying.

And maybe becoming someone I enjoy being doesn’t start with loving myself.

Maybe it starts with finally believing there was never anything wrong with me in the first place.

And maybe that’s where becoming someone I actually enjoy being begins.

What is one negative belief about yourself you’re trying to unlearn?

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”— Buddha

#MentalHealth #Neurodiversity #Loneliness #Depression #MightyTogether

*** QUESTION SIX: Are you, as a whole, in a relationship? How does romantic partnership work for you?

PeanutButter is married to all of us, and all of us to him. Saying certain alters aren’t married is silly. Impossible, even. He treats alters deferentially, and once had varying dynamics with them, but those distinctions aren’t as necessary anymore.

We were much more overt earlier in our relationship. Our healing has changed us to where addressing alters separately isn’t as imperative. The Motley is still acknowledged, but mostly we’re just living our lives together.

We’re not his first marriage, but we’re his first multiple. Our trauma history occasionally rears its head, and we have our ups and downs, but as relationships go, this is the safest, most comfortable (and longest!) one we’ve had.

*** QUESTION SIX-and-a-HALF: How do you feel about talking about the trauma which created your condition? Do you like to write about it privately or publicly? Why?

It sucks. I don’t like doing it. I don’t like being reminded of it, I don’t like how reminders are everywhere, and I don’t like seeing how much of my life had previously been dictated by it.

I don’t talk about it in everyday life. It slips into conversations with PeanutButter, but we try not to, even accidentally. We’ve worked hard to separate our current life from trauma time.

I’m not shy about saying childhood was difficult and early adulthood unconventional, but I don’t go into how. Most people will understand and back off when we say our family is not good people and are no longer a part of my life.

PeanutButter probably has a bigger picture than I realize due to the pieces he’s gleaned over the years, but we don’t tell him the harsher stuff. Some things are safer for everyone if we keep it close.

Those details are saved for Lighthouse’s office, and even then it’s taken years of trust-building. We don’t like writing it in our journals mostly because we don’t like reading it in our journals. I don’t need a written record of atrocities; I can speak it and release it.

We do our best to keep specifics unwritten on our blog, too. What we endured could probably be inferred, but it’s never our intention to dump horrors onto these pages. It’s more important to talk about its effects, how we moved past them, and the lessons we learned.

Trauma isn’t always about what happened to us, but how well we were equipped to tolerate it. DID isn’t about the abuse, but how we carried it. Maybe someday I’ll be able to talk about it more bluntly and plainly, but for now, this is enough.

#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #TraumaRecovery #Trauma #PTSD

*** 30 Days of DID survey credits go to tumblr user shihkas, and wordpress blogger catalyticconvergence. Links can be found in the original post ("An Adjusting of Vibrations") on our website ***

One of the most freeing realizations I ever had was that I didn't have to live my life according to someone else's expectations.

For years, I worried about what people thought.

Whether they approved.

Whether they understood my choices.

Whether they agreed with the way I wanted to live my life.

But eventually I realized something:

No matter what you do, someone will have an opinion.

So you might as well build a life that feels right to you.

A life that gives you energy instead of draining it.

A life that reflects your values instead of someone else's expectations.

Sometimes growth isn't about adding more things to your life.

Sometimes it's about letting go.

Letting go of unhealthy relationships.

Letting go of old habits.

Letting go of the pressure to be who everyone else wants you to be.

Your life is your life.

Make it your own.

What's something you've let go of that made your life better?

Also, if you're going through a tough time right now, I want you to know that I post daily mental health videos about how to deal with painful thoughts. So if you or anyone you know is struggling and wants help, click on one of the links below or write me if you have any questions you want me to answer:

www.instagram.com/thomas_of_copenhagen

www.tiktok.com/@thomas_of_copenhagen

~ Thanks to all. Thanks for all. ~

#MentalHealth #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #dissociativedisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PTSD #Cancer #RareDisease #Disability #Autism #Diabetes #EatingDisorders #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #RheumatoidArthritis #Suicide #MightyTogether

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“I can do this on my own.”

For many people struggling with addiction, those words feel empowering. They reflect determination, independence, and resilience. But addiction is one of the few battles where trying to fight alone often becomes part of the problem.

Addiction thrives in secrecy, isolation, and shame. Recovery thrives in connection, accountability, and support.

The truth is that most people do not recover because they are strong enough to do it alone. They recover because they become strong enough to ask for help.

Addiction Changes More Than Behaviour

Addiction is not simply a bad habit or a lack of willpower. Research shows that prolonged substance use affects areas of the brain involved in reward, motivation, memory, impulse control, and decision-making (Volkow et al., 2016).

As substances repeatedly activate the brain’s reward system, the brain begins to prioritize obtaining and using the substance over other important aspects of life, including relationships, health, work, and personal values. This helps explain why many individuals continue using despite severe consequences.

According to the ccsa.ca⁠, substance use disorders are complex health conditions influenced by biological, psychological, and social factors.

If addiction were simply a matter of wanting to quit badly enough, relapse would not be so common and treatment would not be necessary.

Addiction Distorts Thinking

One of the most difficult realities of addiction is that it affects the very tool needed to recognize the problem: the mind.

Addiction often creates distorted beliefs such as:

*”I can stop whenever I want.”

*”I’m not as bad as other people.”

*”Nobody can help me.”

*”One more time won’t hurt.”

*”I don’t need support.”

These thoughts are not necessarily character flaws; they are often symptoms of a condition that impacts judgment and insight (American Psychiatric Association, 2022).

Trying to recover alone while addiction continues influencing thoughts and decision-making can be like trying to navigate a maze while blindfolded.

Recovery Happens in Relationships

Humans are social beings. Connection is not a luxury—it is a biological need.
Research consistently demonstrates that social support is one of the strongest predictors of successful recovery outcomes (Kelly et al., 2017).

Individuals who have supportive relationships and participate in recovery communities tend to experience higher rates of sustained sobriety than those attempting recovery alone.

Support can come from:

*Family members

*Friends

*Peer support groups

*Sponsors

*Therapists

*Addiction counselors

*Treatment programs

*Recovery communities

The opposite of addiction is not simply sobriety.

Many experts argue that the opposite of addiction is connection.

Trauma Cannot Heal in Isolation

For many individuals, addiction is not the primary problem—it is an attempt to manage deeper pain.

Research has repeatedly linked childhood adversity, abuse, neglect, violence, and other traumatic experiences with increased risk of substance use disorders (Felitti et al., 1998).

Substances often become a way to numb emotional pain, regulate overwhelming feelings, or escape traumatic memories.

While addiction may develop in isolation, trauma recovery frequently occurs within safe and supportive relationships. Trust, emotional regulation, vulnerability, and healthy coping skills are often learned through connection with others.

Healing requires more than removing the substance; it requires addressing the pain underneath it.

The Shame Cycle

Perhaps the greatest barrier to seeking help is shame.

Shame tells people:

“If people knew the truth about me, they would reject me.”

As a result, many individuals withdraw from others and attempt to manage addiction privately.

Unfortunately, isolation tends to strengthen both addiction and shame.
Research from camh.ca⁠, highlights that stigma remains one of the most significant barriers preventing individuals from accessing treatment and support.

The more people hide, the more alone they feel.

The more alone they feel, the more they may turn to substances.

The cycle continues.

Connection interrupts that cycle.

Independence Is Not Recovery

Society often praises self-reliance.

We admire people who overcome challenges on their own. We celebrate independence and toughness.

But addiction is not a challenge that rewards isolation.

No one expects a person with a broken bone to heal through determination alone. No one expects someone experiencing heart disease to simply “try harder.”

Addiction deserves the same understanding.

Seeking treatment, attending meetings, participating in counseling, or asking for support is not weakness.

It is evidence of strength.

Rising Above the Norm

The norm says:

Hide your struggles.

Keep your pain private.

Figure it out yourself.

Don’t let anyone see you struggling.

At Rise Above Your Norm, we challenge that thinking.

Real strength is not carrying every burden alone.

Real strength is recognizing when support is needed and having the courage to reach for it.

Recovery begins when isolation ends.
Reflection

Many people spend years waiting until they are “better” before asking for help.
They believe they must first prove they can stop using, get their life together, or become worthy of support.

Addiction does not work that way.
Support is not the reward for recovery.
Support is often the pathway to recovery.

Every day, individuals struggling with addiction convince themselves they can handle it alone. Some eventually discover that they cannot—and that realization often becomes the turning point that saves their lives.
The goal is not to prove strength through isolation.
The goal is to build strength through connection.

Call to Action

If addiction has convinced you that asking for help is a sign of weakness, challenge that belief today.

*Reach out to one trusted person

*Attend one recovery meeting

*Call one counselor

*Send one text

*Take one step

You do not have to know how the entire journey, it will unfold.

You only need enough courage to take the next step—and enough humility to recognize that you do not have to do it alone.

BigmommaJ
#AddictionRecovery #MentalHealth