43

#MentalHealth My only sibling. My older brother, Matt. Addict. Alcoholic. CPTSD. Arrest #43 . A Career Criminal with a new Assault charge now deeming him a “Violent Offender”. Likely to send him to Prison to serve some real time for his 6 year sentence. Last time he went to Prison he served 12 days as a “Non-Violent” due to overcrowding & a lack of $$. He didn’t look anything like this 10 years ago -not until he had his breakdown. Beat me to it. This is what drinking a Handle of Vodka every 1-2 days & shooting heroine or anything he get into a syringe will do to a Life. Shred it. Fill his kid’s hearts with hopelessness of ever having a “Daddy” who’ll take care of them. Daddy’s drugs are always 1st. Sadly he’s repeated our family’s cycle becoming a version of “Our Monster”. He’s a Tornado who breaks my heart over & over again. I know he suffered greatly too & uses substances to numb his deep pain & terrifying rage. He got the gene for this Disease that traps his Soul. We have a very complex relationship. I love him as much as I hate him or what this Disease has done to him & us all. I’m not sure anymore?? Arrest #43 . Will this be his rock bottom?? I have no expectations. I can’t. They kill me. If there are any doubts of what Addiction will do to a person; Look deeply into his blackened but once beautiful green eyes, his sallow & yellowed skin, his rage filled frown yet so full of pain. I can tell he’s about to cry. Me too. This is the slow & torturous journey of a dead man walking. Unless he chooses Sobriety; He will die. Gone. I’m more likely to become an Astronaut than he is to choose Sobriety. I am preparing myself for his death. I will give him a Memorial Service. No one else in our Greek Tragedy of a so-called Family will. His Life is & was NOT worthless!!! THIS IS MY REALITY OF LOVING AN ADDICT. Just hold on (R.E.M.)... Please stay alive, MdeNF. Maybe you’ll see better days? See your kids again? I love you, always have & always will, your baby sister ~KdeNF 💔

My only sibling. My older brother, Matt. Addict. Alcoholic. CPTSD. Arrest #43 . A Career Criminal with a new Assault charge now deeming him a “Violent Offender”. Likely to send him to Prison to serve some real time for his 6 year sentence. Last time he went to Prison he served 12 days as a “Non-Violent” due to overcrowding & a lack of $$. He didn’t look anything like this 10 years ago -not until he had his breakdown. Beat me to it. This is what drinking a Handle of Vodka every 1-2 days & shooting heroine or anything he get into a syringe will do to a Life. Shred it. Filled his kid’s hearts with hopelessness of ever having a “Daddy” who’ll take care of them. No, Daddy’s drugs are always 1st. Now he’s repeated our family’s cycle becoming a version of “Our Monster”. He’s a Tornado who breaks my heart over & over again. I know he suffered greatly too & uses substances to numb his deep pain & terrifying rage. He got the gene for this Disease that traps his Soul. We have a very complex relationship. I love him as much as I hate him or what this Disease has done to him & us all. I’m not sure anymore?? Arrest #43 . Will this be rock bottom?? I have no expectations. I can’t. They kill me. If there are any doubts of what Addiction will do to a person; Look deeply into his blackened but once beautiful green eyes, his sallow & yellowed skin, his rage filled frown yet so full of pain. I can tell he’s about to cry. Me too. This is the slow & torturous journey of a dead man walking. Unless he chooses Sobriety; He will die. Gone. I’m more likely to become an Astronaut than he is to choose Sobriety. I am preparing myself for his death. I will give him a Memorial Service. No one else in our Greek Tragedy of a so-called Family will. His Life is & was NOT worthless!!! THIS IS THE REALITY OF AWFUL ADDICTION. Just hold on (R.E.M.). Please stay alive, MdeNF! Maybe you’ll see better days?? See your kids again?? I love you, always have & always will, your baby sister ~KdeNF 💔