Adjustment Disorder

This is the worst depression I've experienced in over 6 years. My soul feels empty. My adjustment disorder and all my medical problems I'm trying to juggle is crushing me. Then last night pauley snapped at me really hard and I've been so deeply sad since. She's supposed to be my rock and anchor. Instead she crushed me. I haven't left my room other than for the bathroom all day. I feel awful. My heart is breaking. I don't know what to do.

#Depression #CheckInWithMe

Quick overview:

*Januvia prescription sent

*Norco refilled

*Rescue inhaler script sent... and then pauley showed me an inhaler from my doctor from last year. It's the same. I was gonna try to get the inhaler today but now it's not urgent.

*My doctor was sympathetic when I explained my current depression caused by adjustment disorder. We talked about how I don't have problems with my PCP office.

*Discussed lab results. We're concerned about my fast weight gain and insanely high A1c. I have to find an Endo ASAP. I'm gonna start making calls on Tuesday.

*Follow-up appointment in one month

#DiabetesType2 #ChronicPain #AdjustmentDisorder #COPD

I've got a telehealth appointment tomorrow with my doctor to go over my lab results. They're pretty bad. She's gonna be cross that I haven't found an Endo yet. I'm on a really high dose of insulin. It's not helping. But it's making me gain weight really fast. It's kinda scary.

But I'm gonna talk to her about getting me a proper rescue inhaler. I've got dulera but that's just twice per day. When I go up and down the stairs or walk for more than 5 minutes I can't catch my breath.

I'm gonna get a refill of my Norco. I've been trying to contact my previous back surgeon but they haven't responded to my 2 emails and phone calls. As long as I am making an attempt, my doctor will refill my meds. I've only been taking maybe 5 per week. I'm trying to use my tramadol more often. I'm not addicted. And I intend on staying that way.

My doctor is concerned about my lymphedema and high blood pressure. I told her how my cardiologist is handling it and she's kinda pissed. The new meds aren't working. And I had a low symptoms day on Tuesday so my cardiologist thinks everything is fine. And even after emailing her pictures of my pitting lymphedema, I haven't heard back.

I'm so frustrated. And my anxiety is making me sick. I'll talk to my doctor about how bad my adjustment disorder is. Maybe she'll have an idea. She's a good doctor.

#COPD #Diabetes #ChronicPain #a1c #BackPain #Lymphedema #HighBP

I got a letter from my insurance. As of May 18th my therapist will not be covered by my insurance. I've been working with him for roughly 7 years. We do 2 sessions each week. We've been making progress but currently we're focusing on my depression from the adjustment disorder. I'm really upset.

#MentalHealth #schizo #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

My vision is really bad but we discovered I have an eye condition called exotropia that requires surgery. It's a form of strabismus, I've presumably had it my whole life but nobody noticed until now. Most strabismus surgery happens to kids. The soonest I could get in with the surgeon is April 16th.

My thoracic spine and cervical spine are bad and I'm waiting to hear from my previous surgeon if he wants to help me.

My hips require cortisone injections every 3 months. My previous PCP was doing them. Now he's charging $1200/year out of pocket for his service and doesn't process any insurance. I can't afford it. So now I have to find a new orthopedic doctor. Except last time I talked to one he refused to help me cuz I'm too young for surgery and he didn't offer alternative solutions.

My migraines have been mostly under control for a month. It's because of the topomax. But it's causing big gaps in my memory. I can't remember days. Luckily the breakthrough migraine is squashed by the ubrelvy.

And on top of all of this mess is a great big monstrous case of adjustment disorder flaring so hard. But I'm too tired to be manic. So it's just worry, depression and anxiety through the roof. I'm barely functioning. I normally would be researching my diagnosis but I just don't have any spoons.

My new PCP and her staff don't know how to write a prior authorization for anything. I got denied insulin and dexcom last week.

My foot is...huge doesn't seem sufficient. It's mammoth. And stiff and hurts. My PCP put me on lasix and it was starting to work. Then the first appointment with my new cardiologist, she decided to take me off lasix and tell me to just elevate my leg and maybe try compression socks. She wrote the script for the socks and we just gotta find time to go to Binsons for a fitting. But she told me if it gets worse I should call her. I did that last week. She basically said I don't know what to tell you, just elevate the foot. I've got an appointment with her on the 26th. I'm not happy about it.

Pauley wants to be more involved in my care. I already struggle with my physical limitations, I am trying to be as independent as possible so I still feel human. I don't know how to tell her I want things to just stay the way they've been. If I need help I want to ask, not have it forced on me. I know she means well. But this is just really complicated and I'm tired.

I have to find a new Endo. I've got numbers to call but I'm so burnt out. My diabetes is out of control. The insulin isn't working. I'm at 50 units of lantus before bed and 35 units of humalog. I don't know what to do. My PCP can only do so much.

#mylifeisamess #CheckInWithMe

I can feel the sad emotions welling up inside.

I was sitting sniffling and fighting back tears and pauley asked what was wrong. I just kinda unleashed all my sadness and told her I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up. She asked how she could help and all I could think was maybe a bottle of juice. But then I remembered I have canned bubble tea. So I have a can of honeydew flavor bubble tea. And she heated up a cheese stick for me.

#Depression #Anxiety #AdjustmentDisorder #exotropia #Relationships

I was gonna say I don't know why I'm crying but that'd be a lie. I'm so burnt out. The closest to getting out for a date with Pauley was going to the hospital cafe after my appointment with my cardiologist.

I'm facing yet another big medical problem and I feel so alone. It's bad enough to require corrective surgery. I talked to my mom about it and she said I was being dramatic. I only told her I was nervous. I mean yeah I should know by now she's not capable of being supportive. Sigh

I just really need someone to care. I had to reschedule therapy for tomorrow cuz my therapist forgot his laptop at home and it would have been almost 25 minutes late.#AdjustmentDisorder #Depression #anx