Adjustment Disorder

I've got more questions than answers. Story of my life it seems. So now I know I'm waiting for a call from the office to schedule the spinal tap. Ok I can handle that.
What I can't handle is the meds from my GI doctor for the bleeding hemorrhoids. The way it is administered is freaking me out. I don't want it that bad. I can survive without it. I'm not ready to consent to that.
I'm not doing well today. I argued with Pauley about the meds and she was trying to get me to do it... but I balled up my fists and shut down. I feel bad enough without her trying to be helpful. I'm exhausted from all of this constant pain and anxiety. I'm hardly eating cuz my tummy hurts. I'm not sure how to get myself out of this depression. I spoke with my nurse (the one who does my injections every 3 months) cuz I texted her to say I needed to drop out of the class she's been hosting. She was concerned so she sent me a telehealth link to talk to me. So we chatted for almost an hour. I told her about everything I am going through with my physical health. She's even more concerned now cuz she knows how my adjustment disorder makes me feel. I tried to hold myself together for the call but I was sweating profusely and very dizzy. She said she knows I'm going to get through this with Pauley.
All of my doctors and nurses adore me and Pauley.
I'm just going to cross my fingers and hope for the best.

My borderline personality, PTSD, and schizoaffective are under control with my very strong meds. We just doubled the dose of the meds I take for my OCD.
But perhaps the worst mental health disorder that I have is the adjustment disorder. Every time I get a new diagnosis or meds, I do a fuckton of research. I won't eat, sleep, go potty until it's been at least 4 hours. And I'll do that for at least 19 hours per day for weeks. I'll frantically try cross referencing my symptoms and previously diagnosed disorders.
I'm having a procedure next Friday. I've never had it before. It's a lumbar nerve block. I've had cortisone injections but this one is different. It doesn't affect my BG. Cortisone makes me pop over 375 for 24 hours.
But I mention it because I haven't researched it at all. I am already on the high dose of imipramine. That might be why. It's not tugging the corner of my mind to go research.
I gotta remember that when I talk to my psych. He'll be really glad cuz we've been trying to get my OCD under control for the last 3 years. My fingernails are...mangled. But they're not all super short. Of course they're ingrown from being ripped off so often.
I'm gonna go through my clothes tomorrow and get what needs washed soonest. I'll put urgent need in my duffle bag. The rest will go in baskets. We haven't done laundry in over a month.
I have a bright pink raised welt on my abdomen from a testosterone injection this week. I sent a picture of it to my doctor. I don't know if she'll ever respond.
I'm hungry. But what for, I haven't the foggiest. I've got some really yummy Campbell's chunky soup. I like the steak and potatoes in cheese soup.
I made myself an almost identical to the real cheese and broccoli soup tonight. I microwaved a brick of cheesy broccoli. I put it in a bowl and I added some shredded cheese and a few squirts of garlic sauce. I microwaved it for 1 minutes to make the shredded cheese become conjoined twins with the liquid cheese. The sauce was thin enough to be considered soup but thick enough to be hearty. The only thing I'd do differently I'd add shredded rotisserie chicken and American potatoes which I'm not sure what makes them American but they're yummy. They would first be fried to make them crispy. Make it truly a hearty comfort food.
I was laying here kinda splayed out, half of me on my couch and the other half on a chair. My sports bra was being annoying. It kept bunching up against my chin. So what do? I started growling and biting it. Pauley is right next to me and she starts saying "are you a fierce puppy? Who's a good boy? Is it you? Yes it is! You're the best goodest boy!" And I gotta tell you, that was really needed. I need some puppy time. I'm so focused on my health that I didn't notice my cravings... Like when I asked Pauley to pluck my back hair and pimples. I'm touch starved. I also need some thuddy/stingy play time.
I want to do a really artsy photo shoot of me in my puppy gear posed by some of the really good graffiti around Detroit. I especially want to get pictures by some trains. I was thinking about getting a decent camera and doing photos of leather guys for a kinky calendar. i can set up a backdrop. I think I could do good work that way.
I also want to do a 22 photo series about the first 22 cards of tarot. I've got wicked ideas. What? Even the nicest green and white witches have a flair for the dramatic. It's gonna be naughty. Spicy, even.
Who thinks I should get back into making plushies again?
I think I might make an octopussy cat. It's gonna be at least 12 inches. I love sewing tentacles. I gotta redo my amazing dearly departed steampunk Cthulhu plushie.
I want to get shin high leather boots. But my feet are too small for good comfy adult boots. I have to lose a few inches around the ole midsection place cuz yup I like food.ive got 2 brand new gorgeous black kilts. Neither fits.
This year is about treatments and adventure. I'm gonna try to make new friends. I'm not really sure how but I'll figure it out at some point. And I'm gonna be working with my dermatologist, pain specialist, Endo doctor, GI doctor, and my eye doctor. I need to call them in the morning to schedule an appointment.
And I gotta find a new urologist and ENT doctor. My previous urologist no longer takes my insurance and my previous ENT decided to retire and shut down the practice. Didn't even ask me for permission. The nerve.
On Wednesday I have my IDEAL support group at 1 and a telehealth appointment with dermatology. On Thursday I have a phone appointment to re-up my food stamps. Then Thursday night I have an appointment for an MRI of muh brain. For as much as it does to cause such intense pain it should be paying rent. Then on Friday is the spinal nerve block.
Can I breathe now? Yeah it's a lot of appointments in a very short amount of time. I know I'll get thru... But I hope I prioritize sleep and coffee. I could zombie thru the appointments. But I need to be functional. And sober. I can get stoned on Saturday.
I've been moving around quite a bit more than usual for the last 2 months. I'm gonna try to do some walking at the mall. I walk at my own pace. I get sushi and bubble tea for lunch. I check out some shops in the mall. I think that would make me a very happy puppy.
#MentalHealth #DoingMyBest

Hi, my name is Karen Eklund. I'm 43 years old with 4 beautiful children 21, 18, 9 and 7. I'm here because quite a few reasons. My brother had schizophrenia and committed suicide due to his mental illness in 2022. My daughter that I raised from birth to 14 (she is now 18) decided to stop all communications with me due to narcissistic, triangulation and alienating father and overbearing stepmother who treated my daughter as if she birthed her and slowly inched out every part of my entire family's side from her life, not just me, but starting with me, including 3 siblings all on our side of the family because we have mental health challenges. I know people say things like this but oh, if you knew the story of my life and truly understood who these two people are, you would agree, truly, for my daughter's sake, they shouldnt have been introduced into her life. I'm new here, so, if I could say how I really felt, I would probably be immediately kicked off, lol. But anyway, sadly, I had to grieve her for many years before I had to grieve the death of my best friend and brother who committed suicide due to his mental health. I have my youngest daughter who is 7. She is diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I myself have suffered since I can recall, probably 1st noticed around 22, when my 1st daughter was born, when I began cutting then I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, OCD and generalized anxiety disorder. Since then I have been diagnosed with ptsd, post partum, bipolar 2 disorder, substance abuse disorder along with dual diagnosis, adjustment disorder with mixed emotional features and I have been admitted on more than one occasion to a psychiatric facility for suicidal ideation and attempt. I have sought therapy and have done alot of work on my self, been in group therapy and just in general looked for any and all things that can help me keep joy in my life and keep a happy life

#MightyTogether

My entire back is just so horribly trashed. I can't move without pain shooting in my spine. I had Pauley put some CBD cream on my back but it wasn't effective. I may need to take 2 tramadol and an eletriptan.
I'm so tired of relying on my meds to simply exist and be mentally stable...well except for the adjustment disorder. But I'm sure I'll be fine, right?
Right???

Today is Pauleys birthday! She turned*tries to do math but no luck*a billionty seven!
I've got an appointment with my headache specialist for an MRI. I'm going by myself cuz Pauley is expecting a meds delivery that is suuuuuuuuuper important. So it's probably gonna take 10 minutes and then I go home. Unless they want to talk to me after.
I'm gonna cook a fancy dinner tonight for her birthday . I ordered a GF cookie for dessert and it's coming probably while I'm at my appointment.
My head is pounding. It's almost bedtime. I need to take an eletriptan and 2 tramadol before I go to sleep.
I'm kinda sad but not sure why. My adjustment disorder was quiet for a few days. My cortisone injections helped substantially. But my back is trashed and I need to work on it with my pain specialist.
I just realized I have to schedule an MRI for my pain specialist. Fun times. I got confused cuz I am getting an MRI today of my head. I gotta call the place I go to for imaging. I'll get the results before my doctor. But I gotta figure out how to get the order to them. Maybe I can get my doctor to send it to them.
It's taken 2 hours to type this post. My head doesn't hurt much now. My haunches have some weird kinda pressure but no pain. And my spine doesn't feel like it is being ripped out of my body so that's great. It's one of those rare moments when my meds actually did their job. I wish this happened more often.
People are trying to get me to get back into crafting and art. They want me to start making plushies again. I have about 10 boxes of fabric but I don't have any polyfill. I can get it from Amazon. I just gotta figure out how I can advertise.
I think I'm gonna make a few and post them up for adoption. I might make a birth certificate for each one.
If I knew how to use a sewing machine I'd be making some wicked clothes. I was hoping to learn how to use it this summer.