alth

When I was the ring bearer
#alth #Autism

The laughter is what I needed to hear from my baby. Yesterday was emotional. Today I’ve tried to be calm. This pretty much meant sitting all day when Owen said, “sit”. I could tell right away that if I didn’t sit that it was going to be a meltdown kinda day. It started early when I tried to go into his bedroom to put some clothes away. As soon as I flipped on the light he came running. And screaming. He was even in another part of the house. I tried to have him help me, explaining what I was doing, and he wasn’t having it. He kept screaming. He wanted the light off, he wanted me out of the room, and he wanted me to sit. Lights are becoming more and more of a concern for him. And then of course doors, as well. If I don’t close one of the doors properly there’s more screams, more meltdowns, and more emotions from both of us. I keep hoping that the more he makes connections to the lights and doors it will be easier for me to work with him on explaining why they aren’t always exactly as he needs them to be. I can only imagine the emotions he goes through when doors aren’t closed the way he needs them to be or lights are still on when he wants them off. The rules apply to some doors and some lights, and truly maybe all doors and all lights have rules but I might not understand the rules enough to know that I’m breaking a rule. And then I breathe. I have to remind myself I’m human and I can only remember so much. I always call them rookie mistakes when I know what happens if I do something that upsets him. I try to remind myself and him that we are a team and together we must figure this out. We sang, we laughed, we loved, and we sat, but we made it through our day. Remember to keep a smile on your face and a laugh in your heart. Embrace the world around you and know that you can accomplish great things if you set your mind to it. Smiles to all and donut daze! #alth #Autism #SensoryProcessingDisorder

I always say autism is as much about how I handle it as it is about Owen having it. The more structure I can create for Owen the better his days go. This isn’t always easy for me. I like a schedule to some degree, but I prefer the flexibility of time and place, and space for that matter. Today was one of those good bad days. He did so many incredible things. He followed directions, ate his breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks at our table, and he wasn’t pleased, but he did a lot of his schoolwork. The repeating of his words is constant. And the more I try to distract him or get him to stop the more that feeds his desire to repeat the words. Before we even got out of bed he was asking for his ride. I simply have no way of hiding my emotions at the break of dawn. For that matter no way to hide my emotions at ten o’clock at night when he is jumping up and down asking to “wanna watch de movie” and putting his foot in my back while pulling the tiniest of my hairs. But he listened so well to so many things today I’m trying not to think about the potty regression and rejoice the fact that he didn’t run around the entire house eating his food. I put it on the kitchen table, his milk included and he stayed right there through all the meals and snacks. Now that’s a big rejoice right there. I am still in shock over it. Thankful doesn’t even describe it. I didn’t even begin to understand my emotions until I was living in a house without surfacing up for air. Yes, we go for our walks, but we’ve been home so much I finally realized that I have to live life, not sit and wait for it to happen. And I guess that’s made the last few days even harder for me with Owen because I see behaviors and routines I should have worked through years ago. I can’t live in the past either. I have to push forward and work through my own emotions so I can help my son work through his. Potty training was not an easy road. And now to see him quickly going back to some of those habits are heartbreaking. I remind myself that the dude sat at the table for every meal, he did his schoolwork, we played several games, he played music for me, we painted, and we both grew. Life is full of challenges and especially during a pandemic where nothing is routine, but here we are and tomorrow we keep growing. Don’t let yesterday predict how your tomorrow will be. You can change and expand the horizon in front of you. Take those challenges and make them into memories that help you grow. Smiles to all and donut daze! #Autism