Posting because there’s no one else I can talk to about this.
My wife loves animals. Shes very empathetic towards animals, especially pets. Her dog passed away almost two years ago from old age, and she was distraught for months. Because of my illnesses and disability we can’t really take care of a dog, but we decided to get a cat last august mostly for my wife, but also so I’d have companionship during the day.
The previous owner says she was chatty, but I didn’t realize what that would actually mean for me. This cat meows constantly, incessantly, all day, and it is sensory hell for me. I’ve told my wife it feels like someone is hammering a railroad spike into my brain.
This sensory hell has led to several meltdowns for me (I’m autistic) which then lead to a flare up of my illnesses. In a desperate moment, I said to my wife that I don’t know how we can keep the cat with the pain her meowing causes me. It’s literal torture.
My wife said that she didn’t want to have to choose between me and the cat, and that it would usually be a dealbreaker in her relationships. It was heartbreaking to hear that I’m on the same level as a cat for her and that I could potentially lose my relationship over something that I can’t help.
So I’ve been dealing with that for a while, and it’s making me want to die. Not actively, but just, the dehumanization of it, and not feeling safe and secure in my home or relationship. I’ve been dissociating regularly since that conversation and whenever she’s brought it up since then.
She does research, now, on sensory pain, not because she cares about my well-being but because “she wants to keep me and the cat”. And it’s especially gross because she’s not researching how she can make things less painful for me. She’s researching medical treatments for sensory issues, which is all kinds of problematic, and then able-splaining my SPD to me.
The whole situation is horrible and I’m left wondering if I want to be in a relationship with someone like this, but as you guys know, even if I wanted to leave, it’s not that simple. It’s unlikely anyone else I found would be more understanding, plus she is my carer and she financially supports me. Without her I’d be homeless and destitute and without care. Plus I love her very much. Just, as a disabled person, I have to think about these things. Ugh. # autism #actuallyautistic
#SensoryProcessingDisorder #SensoryIssues #Fibromyalgia #FunctionalNeurologicalDisorder #neurologicalpain