apologizing

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    Apologies

    I wanted to offer my sincere apologies to all of you 😞. My Daily Inspiration post from yesterday upset some people: "The quieter you are the better you will succeed". I honestly didn't mean to offend anyone. What I meant by the comment was to say not to show off in your success. I didn't mean to imply I condone any kind of abuse or any kind of illegal activity. I'm a survivor myself. I completely understand where you were all coming from. From now on I will be more clearer in my posts. Please know I will always be here for you 🤗🤗❤️❤️. #apologizing #apologies #Forgiveness

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    I apologize...

    I apologize too much. I know I do. I think it is my fault when things go wrong. I feel wrong. I mean inherently wrong. Like I was born wrong. I don't know what else to say when I feel like that but "I'm sorry"

    They all get mad at me. They yell, and scream. "Stop saying that! Stop." What am I supposed to say. I am always wrong. I do everything, say everything, make everything wrong. They don't need that.

    I don't want to be here. I tell them how I feel. I tell them how I hurt. "What right do you have to feel like this!?" So I say it again. I'm sorry. They are mad again.

    Maybe my world is not the worst. Maybe my life is not the hardest. Maybe every day has not been complete anguish. It isn't that that makes me hurt.
    I hurt. Doesn't that matter?

    I'm supposed to be strong. I'm supposed to be a rock. I'm supposed to be fearless. Yet when I speak up, I get told not to say what I need to.

    My life matters. It does, to a few. I give a flying f*** about people, and events, and thing, and animals. I hurt. I cry. I laugh. I play.

    Those who want to drown my voice don't deserve my apology. They don't deserve my tears. They don't deserve my anger and anguish. Then why, am I writing this?

    I apologize, way, way too much.

    #Shame #AbusedChildNowAdult #PTSD #apologizing

    Question

    Does anyone else feel like they apologize so much but never receive any apologies in return so it leaves you feeling like you're always at fault?

    Does anyone else feel like they apologize so much but never receive any apologies in return it still leaves you feeling like you're always at fault and they're never not wrong. Do people really believe they're always right and so they don't apologize? This is me on anxiety. I want reassurance but then my reverse psychology kicks in with questions like this. I think I think too much. #Anxiety #apologizing #reassurance #Feeling

    Post

    I am sorry, but ready.

    I just finished a therapy session and unloaded all my lies to my therapist from the last few months. I was shaking and mad at myself. I felt so stupid. I told them that I was so afraid about what people would think now but I didn't care when we chose to cheat. I felt like I had a right given how he treated me.

    They were kind. Gentle. Loving even. They very simply reminded me of all the positive choices I have made lately: leaving my abusive partner; moving; working on getting and staying clean; building relationships with good people again; and working on honesty (a difficult trait for addicts and those surviving trauma). Then she hit me with the truth bomb....that I was beating myself up for choices I had already made. Yes, would my lies probably hurt some people. Yes, is there risk to this relationship. Yes, is this new stress. However, if I was being honest now and really did lovey girlfriend and was truly loyal.... it doesn't matter if other people aren't happy...we have to do what we choose to do now...and repair along the way. You can't change the past. No sense beating yourself up for it now.

    So...we talked through how we could talk to my girlfriend's mom and my "family" and how we would talk to my son when it comes time to do so. It helped. I feel better about it all. Less afraid. I am sorry for panicking last night. Thanks everyone for not judging me in my past decisions.

    #Anxiety #badchoices #Pregnancy #apologizing #Trauma #Addict