asc

I don't want to go back.
I have to. I've got work to do. But I. DON'T. WANT. TO.

On the bus to the airport now: all symptoms flaring. Choking on my tears as I type this, an attempt at quiet release.
Not working.

Why am I doing this? WHY? Why study to begin with? Why London? Why try?
Breathing through my nose, 'shut up, keep it quiet'.
...why?

What will it matter? I'll be stuck in my flat for the majority of the Summer doing nothing. Can't afford to fly back when the assignments are done. Can't borrow money either. Don't have money for food. Can't work.

This is a mess.
I'm a mess.
Yay me.

#PTSD #Anxiety #GAD #Depression #TreatmentresistantDepression #Autism #ASD #asc #AspergersSyndrome #Aspergers #Aspie #CheckInWithMe #Meltdown #Desperate