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After a BPD meltdown

I’m dealing with the after effects of a BPD meltdown. As is very usual with this disorder I was in a very toxic and very sick “relationship “ . My relationships follow this pattern , including my marriage . Very sick and twisted with me being used and emotionally messed with because the person realizes my insecurity and is able to mess with me for years sometimes until I “snap” and my BPD takes 10000% hold and I melt down and go almost psychotic and they don’t think it’s fun anymore .. Then the person realizes what is going on and leaves me saying I’m too crazy . I’m in the state of having melted down so badly and now I’m alone again. I know the relationship as sick and I’m safer now but I feel awful and used and tricked . Does any else feel like this. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Meltdown


Public Meltdown

I had a very public meltdown couple of days back. Now I’m struggling to overcome the embarrassment, and I’m sinking further and further into my shell. Suicidal thoughts are overwhelming. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Meltdown


Does anyone have a #Meltdown after too much time on Zoom? #Anxiety #Autism #ADHD #SensoryProcessingDisorder

The title here says it all ^
I have major zoom fatigue today from group therapy, school, volunteer training, other meetings, all over zoom! I can’t fathom people who do this all day everyday!

Anyone else relate? I am overwhelmed quite easily and today was a bit much.
I should probably just put screens down altogether for the night!

#MentalHealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #PTSD

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Where to begin.. falling down a rabbit hole 🐰

Feel like someone wasted your time? Weight on your shoulders? Things are piling up? Struggling with health problems? Feels like falling down a rabbit hole? Welcome you came to the right place.. 🙃Last week and this week don't look like they are slowing down any. Last week my father got admitted to the hospital. His sodium was low and he broke his arm in 3 places. I have been visiting him everyday and after I was done I'd come home to help my mother. It's a bit exhausting. So take that me time. U earned it. I also have been dealing with my own health problems, Possible #EhlersDanlosSyndrome and #RheumatoidArthritis . I'm hoping to get some answers at my rheumatologist appointment coming up. It's landed me in physical therapy. The youngest person they see. Not happy to see you either but ever since I started therapy and they mentioned EDS. It starts all to make sense. It takes me all the way back to childhood which will be brought up to my doctor. I dislocated my ankle recently. I was very confused why my chiropractor was like "why do you wait til your a twisted pretzel then see me?" My whole pelvis was twisted and out of placed. He said, then your whole back is out a line.. but the whole time I was thinking but how do I know. I only go when the pain becomes unbearable. Maybe a high pain tolerance. He already told the lady upfront to fit me in. Dealing with joint pain, swelling and flare ups. I'm just patiently waiting on answers. It's frustrating at times. Well, as we were getting discharged my father chest CT said he has some swollen lymph nodes on his chest. They need to biopsy them soon. I'm scared but praying and thinking positive. Self care is important kids. And all this stuff going on, and I just want to not deal or avoid it but I know I have to face it head on because if I know it's easy for me to just dissociate and be numb and not feel and not cope. I have been trying to break that cycle. #Autism #CPTSD #PTSD #Anxiety #ADHD #Fibromyalgia #Disability #PanicDisorder #Depression #Meltdown

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How do you explain sensory overload and meltdowns to others?

There are times where I have a hard time explaining what I go through when I’m feeling overstimulated and having a meltdown to others. Sometimes I’ll give the example of “You know the scene from Spongebob Squarepants where Mr. Krabs is overwhelmed and everything is spinning?” or I’ll say “Everything all at once.” If I think they’re not going to “get it,” I simply say, “It’s complicated.” When it comes to my meltdowns, I feel as though I’m unable to find my voice…as if something has snatched it away from me. I feel all my senses going haywire and withdraw into myself.

How do you describe your sensory overload and meltdowns to others? I’d love to know.

#TheNeurodiverseCrowd #CheckInWithMe #Autism #ADHD #SensoryProcessingDisorder #SensoryOverload #overstimulated #Meltdown #AutismMeltdown #Neurodiversity #DistractMe #52SmallThings #actuallyautistic #actuallyautisticadult #AutisticAdults


Up date to the meltdown I had at work #Anxiety #AutismMeltdown #Meltdown #Autism #nvld #AutisticAdults #Aspergers

Well after I said “What the F***” and my boss said I need to “Calm Down”(never say that to an autistic person it’s a trigger)in front of costumers,I ran and cried in the bathroom. I texted my mom and my job coach about what happened and was too embarrassed to go back to my work area. My mom said to go up and apologize and explain the situation to him; well I’m a very emotional and analytical person and it did not go over well.

I ended up saying:
I was sorry for using that word but that he prompted that reaction by not using logic to think ahead and asked if he had to go to school to learn logic because he has none. I then added that he must have done it on purpose and was sabotaging me because of how chaotic the situation was and listed all the problems and scenarios that could occur.
He threatened to write me up because I was insulting his intelligence. I told him I wasn’t insulting him I was stating analytical facts and that I’ve looked up the difference before. I ran off again and cried in the bathroom till a coworker found me and tried to calm me down. Problem my job coach called at the same time and made it slightly worse.
She told me to stop focusing on what could happen and focus on the now and that I need to be awear if what I say. I told her I can’t control what I say or do in that situation I’m a passenger to my own body. I then went on my normal “why are all my managers idiots and I have to fix their problems? I can’t be the only smart one working every day all the time.” She told me to quit talking like that and she’d call my manager to see what’s going on.
My coworker helped me out by saying they need me and that I’m one of their hardest workers and to realize that sometimes saying the truth isn’t the best thing. My job coach then called to tell me I need to go home because I wasn’t in a state of mind to work and my boss tried to explain to her all the things he did to fix the situation. I asked her “why I was being punished for something he did. They clearly don’t care about me.” She said I needed to calm down and would check on me in person the next time I work there and that maybe I need to quit one of my jobs because I’m overwhelmed.
I took some ashwagandha and calming essential oil and though still embarrassed decided to continue to finish my shift even though I had taken an hour to cry.

The kicker at the end: I WAS RIGHT! 😝⚖️🎉 what I had told my boss and job coach could happen did happen. I was on a schadenfreude high. I was tempted to shout victory and I left doing this gesture ✌🏼.


Mistaking Autistic Meltdowns for being stroppy.... #Autism #Meltdown

Had Meltdown at work. People who work with know about the autism and I try...try...try..try and try to explain it. It’s so frustrating you can’t force someone to understand or make someone. Heard someone saying I strope aka the autism meltdowns. It’s really upsetting cause I thought they understood but clearly they just saying that.
#Meltdown #Autism #Adulting

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Pain #MentalHealth #PTSD

“But who can remember pain, once it's over? All that remains of it is a shadow, not in the mind even, in the flesh. Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind." As I binged on the handmaid's tale, which is a good show. this quote stood out to me. As humans we face pain very often. All kinds. But being diagnosed with #CPTSD it's famous for us to avoid the pain like the quote said out of sight out of mind but soon enough we have to face that pain. #ADHD #Depression #Anxiety #CheckInWithMe #Autism #Disability #dissociativedisorders #Abuse #PanicDisorder #PanicAttacks #MightyTogether #Meltdown #Healing



Does anybody else rely on rigid routines and structures to manage their BPD symptoms? I have routines that help me regulate myself but if I can’t do those things then I tend to have a meltdown or it can trigger an episode. I try to explain to people why I need to do these things but a lot of people view them as negative. It can cause me problems, especially when working. However, in general, I see my routines and structure to be positive. Does anybody else use this as a coping mechanism? If so, do you have similar difficulties or a way to deal with the meltdowns that come from it?
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Meltdown #Structure #routineneeded #coping #mechanism #managingbpd