atheist

I was meditating last night and came up with a theory I intend to explore.
As I said in my previous post, throughout my life I've tried to come to grips with God and faith. While currently an atheist I still search for truth of existence just like when I was still adhering to religion and belief in God. In all my studies, contemplations and meditations, I've never been able to put a 'finger' on God. One thought has re-occured to me and my mind expanded upon last night is the idea that what God is cant be logically conceived. The problem with religions is that people believe to be better at their faith they have to define it more. Yes, there is a lot of inherit selfishness in organized religion. Greed. Lust for power. Access to children. Etc... . I mean for those who truly seek to know existence who try to walk the path of faith. They try to define if logically. Through the lens of our minds concepts of existence. And then try to put into language. Kind of like trying to describe and define what it's to be in love. It doesn't translate. In doing so you move away from it. Maybe what God is can only be experienced somehow. Like in meditation when you experience the 'watcher'. No cognitive exercise. Just a blank mind experiencing and suddenly there is another.
Just a thought and something I will explore.
I will not hold a rigid belief structure. Even athiesm. As well as it holds up so far.
#Atheist

I found this group hoping to discuss atheism.
My first question is how did you become an atheist?
I was raised in a fundamentalist Roman Catholic family. If it wasnt in line with the church it was wrong. Everything revolved around Catholicism. Everything that wasnt Catholicism was bad.
My family was also rife with every type of abuse you can think of. The hypocrisy was epic. Crimes were committed almost daily. Yet we had to pray daily as well. I have CPTSD, DID and BPD due to my upbringing.
Now you would think after seeing and experiencing the horrors and hypocrisy that it would have pushed my siblings and myself away from religion. Three of of them are still Catholic and attend services regularly. Two are Baptists and do the same. One still proclaims faith in God but doesn't go to church. One believes in pretty much what he finds on the internet.
I seem to be the really odd one. I remember being glad to go to church for the most part. Though I didnt like the strictness of Catholic mass. I loved and honored the parts and whole of mass. I remember the readings and teachings of the new testament on how we have to care for each other and was astounded that they have to keep reminding people about that. It seemed so remedial. To this day i still cherish the teachings of Jesus. When my family asks about my faith I can honestly tell them I believe in God and Jesus. I just dont tell them in what way.

This is the jist of this post. I've constantly assessed myself all my life. I'm very introspective. As you may be aware, people with CPTSD are like that. I constantly assess the aspects of my life. One of them is my faith. Starting in about my 30s I've realized that a small percentage of my faith is atheistic. As time progressed and as i learned more about existence and myself that percentage has grown. As time progressed the percentage has risen exponentially.
I'm currently I'm therapy for my CPTSD, DID and BPD. in these two years I have realized that I am all but 100% athiest now. During an emotional flashback my mind was feverishly trying to figure out if God existed. As hard as I tried I could not find anything that gave any kind of evidence that God exists. I really wanted to find something. Anything. If not for my sake, then for the sake of all the believers. In the end I just put a place holder on the concept of God in my mind. I've spent many years studying all the major religions. Working on what my faith is.
I still believe in the teachings of Jesus. Not the stuff people added on before, during and after he shared his beliefs. And I still think there is a creator out there some where as existence doesn't logically seem to come from no where. So I can say I believe in God and Jesus but i place my atheism at about 99.99999999% now.
Has anyone a similar shift to atheism? Born this way/always believed this?
#Atheist

Wow, no one in 3 years. I'm really disturbed by all the people on this site that talk about God and their faith. It's hard no to respond to their posts. But that would be counter productive to the purpose of this site.
I know no one may ever read this but I'm going to post some stuff in this vacuum.
#Atheist

I’m almost to thirty days of #Sobriety . While I realize #Depression is not something that just goes away because I took one #substance out of the equation, I wonder if anyone here found #Solace in taking the steps (of the 12 from #AA ); if not, what was your mindset? As an #Atheist , I am still open to the understanding that I don’t know everything and that “higher god” can be whatever leads me to living the life I know I want to have.

It's #ChristmasEve .

So, in other words, I figured now was as good a time as any to talk about one of the aspects of my play that I haven't talked about as much, but has influenced much of my worldview:

Why I'm an #Atheist .

While there are other reasons, such as my family background and my general inclination toward trusting modern science over blind faith in a book written two thousand years ago, a big part of it was also the fact that I was born with the #MentalHealth problems I've often discussed before in my writing.

After all, why would a good and caring God like the one often described give me #SocialAnxiety , a #MoodDisorder that fuels ongoing #Depression , and #AspergersSyndrome , while allowing me to go through so many miserable events in my teen years, and to leave me feeling down and alone in life even at a time where I should be feeling like I'm in the time of my life.

To put it simply, if God is good and he does exist, why did he spend the past decade trying SO hard to make me kill myself?

I tend to think of myself as pretty respectful of those with other points of view on #Religion , even if I think they are wrong. Many of my friends are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, and even Wiccan, in addition to atheists and agnostics.

However, too much of my own life experience has showed me there's little reason to believe in any higher power that's controlling my own life, and even if he (or she?) did exist, I'd see little reason to worship any form of authority responsible for making my life feel the way it has...even if it did mean burning in the pits of Hell, as the Christians would tell you.

Having said all that, I'll be totally honest and say I still have every intention of celebrating with my relatives tonight, because I could use a good excuse for some time off with family before advancing my show any further. (Christmas is really a Pagan holiday, anyway.)

#minitherapysessionswithmyself