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    Regret & Grief

    It's been a month since my husband of 23 years very suddenly passed away. We had been separated since May of last year bcuz of addiction & the loss of hope. It took years for me to leave. I had to save us from each other, if that makes sense. We have always loved each other & that never changed even after we separated. Recently we had come to the place where we could finally talk to each other again. Like friends, like 2 ppl who can't stop loving each other. I asked for his forgiveness & he gave it freely. The next evening I got the dreaded phone call. The only man I had ever loved was gone. I was out of state in a treatment program for over 90 days. The last time I saw him was when he came to say bye to me when I decided to leave for rehab back in late October. Now I'm back in our home like I had been wishing for but now I have to live knowing he's never coming home to me. It gets harder every single day that I wake up & realize all over again that this is real. I buried my husband. I am not ok & it's so hard to answer ppl when they ask how I am or if I'm ok. I don't even know what to say bcuz I'm so numb so I just say I'm ok. It's a lie. I'm not ok. I'm going crazy inside. I wanna scream & cry. I want to rage. All I do is think about him & how I didn't get to see him since that day in October. He was so proud of me & I'm still sober today but this pain is debilitating & I can hardly cope. I need prayers. #Love #Grief #Loss #regret #Guilt #Addiction #Sobriety

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    Today wasn’t bad at all 💜

    Christmas with my family has been pleasant and cozy, despite my feeling a little down and having to push through uncomfortable anxiety. Watching movies, waiting on dinner and I’ve done it sober for the first time in a very long time. It hasn’t been perfect, but what is? #Holidays #Depression #Sobriety

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    #Sobriety and IG ads

    I'm very proud of my 14 years of #Sobriety . And while I wouldn't go as far as to say I was tempted by the non-stop alcohol ads were quite bothersome. So I'm taking a break. Maybe I'll return after the holidays. Maybe not. Either way, I'm doing what's right for me.
    #mighty #SOBER #Bipolar2Disorder

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    New beginning #MentalHealth #Sobriety #furtherapy

    She is both my sanity and my frustration. Only 9 months old. She came to me a month before I had to put down my old girl Sasha that helped me get clean. She is not Sasha, but Miss Bluebell here is healing my heart every day


    Tenacious Me #Sobriety #Recovery # #Depression #Anxiety

    It’s early Saturday morning and I thought I would share what’s been going on lately. Yesterday was a REALLY challenging day on many levels.
    I’m currently looking after what I will call ‘joint custody cats’ Gizmo is 17+ and the mother of my beloved Red who passed away last November and Gazoo 16 from Gizmos first litter of kittens.
    I agreed to look after these two for the summer as my ex wife(who lives and works with her brother)stated said brother is all of a sudden ‘Allergic’ when he has a cat and has lived with these two for 5 years! I call BS but agreed. Gizmo started having some rough days recently and I got my ex involved as I have no means of transportation to get to a vet etc. well yesterday poor Gizmo had a really rough morning so my ex agreed to come and take her to an emergency vet. A wee bit of context-She is a very busy business owner(and martyr/workaholic-whole different story there!)who was bound and determined that yesterday was Gizmos time to go.
    I didn’t agree, the vet technician looked surprised and skeptical AND the vets were pretty much saying ‘No! We are not euthanizing this animal, get a second opinion’ My ex. Then proceeded to hiss at me that if I bring Gizmo home her care is ALL in my hands! This after feeling bullied to euthanize a cat that still has some life and fight left in her. Even the vet technician was visibly disgusted by my ex’s cold and callus demeanour. I made one of the BEST decisions EVER! Gizmo is home, eating well and will see my primary vet next Wednesday. If she’s REALLY sick after blood work etc. then I will act accordingly but I wasn’t pulling the plug on this sweet little girl because my horrible ex. Decided it was the day. Excuse me but F her with extreme prejudice .I’m now Cutting her out of my life completely. Plus I was an emotional wreck at the vets and was triggered as F to drink but did not. The story is not over. Nor my Gizmo, nor my sobriety. What is FINISHED is my relationship with my ex and her toxic, opinionated and selfish personality. A REALLY tough day for the WIN!

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    Welcoming even more members!

    Hi all! If you’re just joining us, welcome! Please take a moment to tell us your story, so we can be part of your recovery. If you need support, just ask. Help is only one post away.

    #SubstanceAbuse #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #Sobriety

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    Fighting my urge

    I want to drink so bad today. I keep leaving the house with no destination. Just wasting gas. I went to the mall just to park and leave. All while hungry but didn’t have the drive to eat. I went home and noticed every liquor store. I didn’t stop. I just drove home. I left again but this time I googled how long it would take alcohol to not be detected. 80hrs! Is it worth my sobriety? No, but hey I won’t be tested till Monday. So I was convinced to get something small to drink. I suddenly got a headache and I knew it was from not eating today. So I stopped for food and ate on the drive to the liquor store. I passed 2 but decided to just go in there house again. Now I’m here and my stomach is full. My headache is gone but I still have the craving. I’m going to fight the urge by not fighting and just going to sleep. #Addiction #Sobriety #HighfunctioningAlcoholic #Stress


    90 Days #SOBER

    I don’t ever post, I’ve always stayed private in my struggles out of fear of judgment…but as part of my transformation l wanted to share that today marks my 90 days of #Sobriety . (This is not an April Fools Joke) At the start of this year I embarked on a journey that I wasn’t prepared for, and that unnerved me since I have a strong desire to control everything around me. The ‘short version’ of the story that led me to sobriety; out of the blue last December I began to have intense heart palpitations, dizziness & a plethora of odd ailments not related to my already established (awesome) chronic #Depression , #Anxiety , etc. This issue with my heart in conjunction with other enlightened #breakthroughs made me realize that the booze was the last wall that needed to come down to see the real road ahead & finally drive on it. My heart may not be at 100% but the rest of me is functioning on levels I haven’t felt in 20+ years. Sobriety is bringing me clarity & helping me feel again. Everyone’s road is different this is just a glimpse at my route. Be kind to others on the ‘road’ today & thank you for allowing me to share.

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    I try very hard not to be negative, not to judge myself only by my struggles and failures, not be my own worst critic and not to beat myself up.

    It’s a daily, even hourly battle sometimes! My pattern of self judgement, having a negative perspective of myself and having a powerful self critic has won battles (mostly in my head) for decades. But “listening” to all those comments and owning all the things they have kept me from doing has given me the opportunity to observe and acknowledge those thought patterns and start to replace my judgemental brain’s processes with positive thoughts…like at the end of the day instead of saying “I’m overwhelmed” say “It was a long day but I accomplished some goals and learned a lot about myself…and I’m going to rest now so I can start again tomorrow”. Those specific words don’t always fit, but the perspective and positivity has changed things for me…even if it’s been a busy draining day, I can say things like “I survived another busy day filled with challenges and I look forward to start with them again tomorrow…now I’m going to have some pizza and binge watch some TV” 😉

    Just flipped the script, paid attention to how I said things and how they made me feel, and not defeat myself and allow myself to feel overwhelmed. I worked on this for weeks with a life coach to define them and now my main homework from her is simply practice Awareness…paying attention! I even named that inner critic and wrote out lists of what it has said and what it’s kept me from doing…like living in the moment and seeing myself in a positive way. “Grant me the serenity”… it’s that simple (but can be so hard to do!) But I learned a long time ago that some of the most difficult challenges can be the most rewarding …and leave me feeling really good about myself! “…and the wisdom to know that I’m a good person with a kind heart”…yessss

    #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Disability #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #twelvesteps #12steps #Serenity #wisdom #courage #BackPain #Pain #HIVAIDS #Sobriety #COVID19 #Migraine #RareDisease #MightyMinute #TheMighty #MightyTogether #MentalHealthHero

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    I find that it is a continual part of my journey to try to hold on & stay afloat…w/ my chronic pain it is a true challenge but I try hard every day

    We are fighting invisible battles others can’t see and sometimes TRYING can just be DOING THE NEXT RIGHT THING, not worry about what others can say who don’t understand chronic pain and who sometimes judge and demean us. But we can ignore them and be gentle with ourselves, to love and believe in ourselves. This is a lifelong journey and I often have to try to do so one day at a time. I know pain, I know struggles and I hear you, I believe in you, and can relate. I’ve been there and I have hope and believe we all can survive and thrive, overcome challenges, and become stronger!

    I am a fighter, I am a warrior, and so are you. Just being here and trying to find others walking the same path means you care about yourself and want to feel better! … and many times if we try hard enough we will succeed! If we try hard enough the sky's the limit, it starts with self love then continues into good self care, and learning and believing how to love ourselves. Some days I have to try very hard to love myself and be gentle with myself, but it’s so worth the effort!

    Most days I try to stay positive, try to hold on, try to stay afloat, try to find my flow and balance, try to not let my pain take over and be the only thing I think about. I try to welcome each day with hope, optimism, promise and know that I am capable of doing more than my body tells me I can do. I feel it more those nights, the pain can catch up with me…but I must give myself credit, to acknowledge what I've accomplished. The hardest thing is to be motivated and fight through the pain when my body just wants to stay stuck here sitting.

    But being active doesn’t just lift my spirits … It also provides periods, even just moments, when I don’t think about my pain. And my doctor says that walking and exercising actually helps my body even though my mind tells me it is going to feel much worse, that I will be bringing on more pain.

    It’s a daily battle to get out and go for that walk. Yet that is the very thing that partially helps… even though I fear that it will hurt. My mind tells me that exercising will just make me hurt more at the end of the day…but I have ways I can practice self care, ways to treat the pain…so I try to believe I can do so, that l have been through worse. I try to just get through the days knowing I have just Done The Next Right Thing. I went for that walk, I got to the gym, or just simply got out of bed and took a shower. I've practiced self care that shows I love myself. Yes, I TRIED but I succeeded beyond my wildest imagination!

    #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #ChronicDepression #ChronicMigraines #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar1Disorder #Bipolar2Disorder #BipolarDepression #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #Sobriety #HIVAIDS #longtermsurvivor #PTSD #Disability #Pain #PainAcceptance #BackPain #neckpain #COVID19 #Migraine #Headache #Grief #LossOfAParent #Acceptance #Selfcare #Selflove