Regret & Grief
It's been a month since my husband of 23 years very suddenly passed away. We had been separated since May of last year bcuz of addiction & the loss of hope. It took years for me to leave. I had to save us from each other, if that makes sense. We have always loved each other & that never changed even after we separated. Recently we had come to the place where we could finally talk to each other again. Like friends, like 2 ppl who can't stop loving each other. I asked for his forgiveness & he gave it freely. The next evening I got the dreaded phone call. The only man I had ever loved was gone. I was out of state in a treatment program for over 90 days. The last time I saw him was when he came to say bye to me when I decided to leave for rehab back in late October. Now I'm back in our home like I had been wishing for but now I have to live knowing he's never coming home to me. It gets harder every single day that I wake up & realize all over again that this is real. I buried my husband. I am not ok & it's so hard to answer ppl when they ask how I am or if I'm ok. I don't even know what to say bcuz I'm so numb so I just say I'm ok. It's a lie. I'm not ok. I'm going crazy inside. I wanna scream & cry. I want to rage. All I do is think about him & how I didn't get to see him since that day in October. He was so proud of me & I'm still sober today but this pain is debilitating & I can hardly cope. I need prayers. #Love #Grief #Loss #regret #Guilt #Addiction #Sobriety