ChristmasEve

I wish I would of have my room decorated for Christmas but there is always plans, people are too busy, and it is also too late. Today it is Christmas Eve and I was hoping for my room to be dec out but tomorrow it is Christmas Day. I don’t want decorate my room on Christmas Eve and tomorrow be Christmas. After that Christmas will be over & then we hit January 2020 my Christmas decorations will still be up there. I wish I had my room dec out for Christmas like weeks ago but it is always last minute or change of plans which it is really annoying. I am just over it and don’t care anymore. I hate it when people waste my time. #ChristmasEve #decorations #Overit

https://7.10am on Christmas eve. depressions hit hard, endo pains just continue to get worse. have loads to do BUT just cannot bring myself to get out of bed today😔.

5ml morphine down, some more sleep & Hopfully I can shift this feeling.

hope everyone's having a better day, merry Christmas💜

It's #ChristmasEve .

So, in other words, I figured now was as good a time as any to talk about one of the aspects of my play that I haven't talked about as much, but has influenced much of my worldview:

Why I'm an #Atheist .

While there are other reasons, such as my family background and my general inclination toward trusting modern science over blind faith in a book written two thousand years ago, a big part of it was also the fact that I was born with the #MentalHealth problems I've often discussed before in my writing.

After all, why would a good and caring God like the one often described give me #SocialAnxiety , a #MoodDisorder that fuels ongoing #Depression , and #AspergersSyndrome , while allowing me to go through so many miserable events in my teen years, and to leave me feeling down and alone in life even at a time where I should be feeling like I'm in the time of my life.

To put it simply, if God is good and he does exist, why did he spend the past decade trying SO hard to make me kill myself?

I tend to think of myself as pretty respectful of those with other points of view on #Religion , even if I think they are wrong. Many of my friends are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, and even Wiccan, in addition to atheists and agnostics.

However, too much of my own life experience has showed me there's little reason to believe in any higher power that's controlling my own life, and even if he (or she?) did exist, I'd see little reason to worship any form of authority responsible for making my life feel the way it has...even if it did mean burning in the pits of Hell, as the Christians would tell you.

Having said all that, I'll be totally honest and say I still have every intention of celebrating with my relatives tonight, because I could use a good excuse for some time off with family before advancing my show any further. (Christmas is really a Pagan holiday, anyway.)

#minitherapysessionswithmyself