bpddating

#bpddating went on a great 1st date 48 hours ago . Talked for 6 hours straight. He hasn’t texted me yet even though he said he would. Literally feeling like I want to just give up. I don’t know how to handle the uncertainty. Scared I overshared and was too intense and it scared him off .

Why do I always tend to set hidden bombs throughout my life? So that one day out of nowhere it explodes? Even though I feel deep love for one guy I can’t let go of another. I’m too scared of giving any one guy too much control and just hurt me. As long as I don’t put my all in I feel safer if they leave. How can I learn to trust someone to truly love me when I don’t even know who the real me is? BPD mind plays so many games 😔

Tonight when his monster came out, I cried. He wanted boundaries and so I told him he isn’t allowed to make me cry anymore. That’s when he tells me that his new Dr advised him that he needs to be alone and figure out how to be happy on his own. I understand that and asked about that 3 months ago.

We had plans together for this week, he was going to stay 1 night during the week and all of next weekend. Why not be upfront instead of letting me continue to work out dinners to fix for our special weekend and things for us to do?! Why meet my sister and talk about me meeting his family?

When will my mind stop? Stop the ruminating, the plot-deciphering? Why the hell couldn't I apply this skill to something more LUCRATIVE?!

I mean, REALLY?!

The NSA would probably pay me a small fortune...

Oh yeah -- the tools are well oiled, they simply churn out garbage >_<

Hello, this is my first post and I’m not really sure where to start. I met a guy online this past February and we really clicked. We have so much in common with each other from movies and love of cooking to our sarcasm. We’ve had our ups and downs and have kept on working together for a future.

He was diagnosed with BPD about 2 months ago and since then we’ve continued to work together and learn more about how this effects him & us. He has his moments and says hurtful things, I try to remember that it’s not really him and in the end he feels guilty.

I know I can’t make things better for him but I do know that I can continue to fight with him for our future. I know that I can try to support him emotionally and to continue to love him when he’s lost hope.

After his 3rd episode in a week he wants to break things off so he can stop hurting me. I don’t want to lose him, when we’re together and he looks at me I can see the love in his eyes.

I know I can’t make him stay and I want him to do what’s best for him, I want him to do what he needs to in order to get better.

I searched “how to survive a breakup when you have borderline” and found tons of articles about surviving a breakup when someone with BPD leaves them?!? I don’t understand why this illness is portrayed so negatively. Like bc we have BPD we ruin people’s lives? I’ve experience the complete opposite. Frankly I’m just upset. I went looking for support and found a bunch of judgements instead. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Breakups #bpddating

It’s the emptiness that really gets to me. The loneliness that’s present even when I am surrounded by people. It has always been there, but when he left it became unbearable. I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t think because if I do it hurts to badly. My heart is broken and I’m desperate. I miss it… the love I thought he had for me. I miss the feeling that he was always going to be there for me, even though there were signs that it wasn’t true. I ignored everything for him. I accepted his lack of appreciation for me not because I didn’t know that I deserved better but because I loved him. Just having him was enough. I didn’t care that I wasn’t enough for him because he was enough for me. Having him in my life and thinking of my possible future with him was what was getting me through this mess in my brain. Now he’s gone. With a simple “No, Babe,” to trying to fix things. He’s gone and now I’m broken even more than before.

Today I had a conversation with a good friend and she wanted to read the messages from my boyfriend who is on vacation for one week.
It’s been a rough weekend since he was away and we couldn’t talk to each other in person.
So I showed my friend the messages we sent and there was that one thing - he sent me a “love you” (instead of “I love you”) and I explained to him that there is ‘one word missing’ and I am afraid that he doesn’t love me the same anymore.
My friend told me that I am crazy and that I just wanted attention and I tried to explain that in that very moment I couldn’t do anything else than just crying because I was honestly so afraid that my #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder is too much for him and I thought he will leave me right after he comes back. She said I am crazy and that really hurt me.
I know that most of people can not understand what’s going on in my mind - most of the time I can’t even understand myself, but I wish that people would just take it and not call me crazy or something.
Things like that happen only when I am down and when I am afraid to lose someone.
I am not crazy.
#bpddating #Favouriteperson #Anxiety

She posts about how she only wants to be friends and the other she said give me space, I seriously don’t know what to do like I love this core to the very core of my being.....but it hurts.....it hurts so bad that she says and does those things please help #bpdandsober #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPDPartners